I've been living with my now-husband for about four years. In the beginning of those four years, I would never dream to tell him what I weighed. Especially since, very quickly, I gained almost ten pounds during the we-are-in-love-and-eating-out-and-drinking-and-getting-each-other-treats phase. At points, I was nearing 150. At 5'4, I didn't want him to know that (though I'm sure he could tell I was uncomfortable in my body as I never wanted him to see me naked during these higher weight times).
But, after about that first year and a half of indulgence, we started to communicate about how we would BOTH like to lose weight and make health/fitness a priority in our lives.
I began speaking about my weight in more general terms, how much I'd like to lose or goal weights, but wasn't super comfortable just telling him what I weighed. It was a dirty secret, in some ways, something I was ashamed of.
Which is strange - it's just a fact, it's just my body, it's a scientific measure of my mass here on earth.
But, yeah, shame. It sucks.
For over a year, now, I've had no shame telling him my weight, and for example: I texted him this morning telling him I weighed in at 120.4 (because I was happy I was back at goal, hahaha).
And it struck me - I wonder how many other wives/partners would text their significant other their weight, haha. Is it just us obsessed with weight loss? Is it disordered? Is it normal because weight is just a number and nothing to be ashamed of?
Am I engaging in bad behaviors or good ones?
I like to let him know my weight (since we both have and do struggle with weight) so that I can be open, honest and accountable. Hell, I tell you guys my weight ALL the time!
I also like to be honest so that if one of us or both of us are going down a dangerous path of slow gaining, we don't have to hide it or make it a shameful thing. We can just, together, adjust how we are eating/working out/living.
I really do like to be in it together. I think I need to be this honest, all the time, because for SO long I hid in disordered behaviors surrounding eating. The more open I am, the less I can hide, the less I can be disordered.
Just my thoughts this morning... I try to be healthy about this mentally, but it is hard, since I have had messed up thinking about eating for so, so, so long. I grew up binge eating and eventually purging or starving (with little effect on my weight). I was obese for over a decade. It messes things up in my brain, for sure.
So honesty and openness are my defenses, now. It works for me.
Namaste <3
It would never occur to me to text my husband my weight. And if he got such a text he would be baffled! And perhaps disturbed. But whatever works. I do think that body weight fluctuates a lot, so pinning everything on a certain weight could become obsessive. Depending on salty food, dehydration, etc, you could be up or down one to four pounds. There is also the dreaded skinny fat, I know people who weigh less than me but who could not do a pullup to save their life. Just random thoughts. Whatever works for you, keep doing it.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to exchange thoughts, ideas, views ..........
ReplyDeleteI'm with Mary when she says "whatever works". It's what you feel comfortable and happy with.
All the best Jan
Who knows? May be he thinks his weight is horrible, but yours is not? You have whole life in front of you, many women who reached and then passed 45 years old, would be glad to have their pre-40-s weight whatever it was.
ReplyDeleteFor many years, I didn't even know my own weight. During my pregnancies, I'd look away when I stepped on the scale and I guess it was never bad enough that my doctors got after me. I lost weight several years ago (in 2006) getting back to goal and have obsessively weighed myself daily. This did NOT prevent a slow creep of weight gain, followed by a fast 20 pound add last winter. As I've been attempting to get back down to goal, I've been pretty open and honest. I post a weekly update on my blog and my sons know my weight as I've happily gotten below what my 18 year old weighs. Between my loss and my 2nd son's growing these next few years, I hope to cross paths with him as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm a firefighter who works with helicopters. We have to manifest ourselves and our gear so we don't overload the helicopter. Everybody on the crew knows your weight, as do random strangers and pilots! You're also wearing 10-15 pounds of clothes and boots so it sounds even worse when you step on the scale. I've gotten to the point where I can pretty much tell when someone is underestimating their weight! I just add some lbs next to their name on the manifest!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's strange. You didn't text him out of the blue. He knows your happy range so texting him to tell him you're back there seems valid. I've never hid my weight from my husband. He could care less what I weigh. If there's a goal I hit I share, because he's my spouse
ReplyDeleteI was surprised to see Mary commenting here, although I guess I really shouldn't have been, given that you're both hikers.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've commented here before, but I've been lurking for a while. I discovered this via ADKHP, where I'm Cumulus.
Anyway, I do actually have something on-topic to say. My wife and I each weigh ourselves once a week, and write the number on the same calendar. So we, and anybody who uses our bathroom and knows what the numbers mean, always know what each other weighs.
Hey Cumulus! I'm always looking for blogs by people who are active and healthy and written well. Stumbled here when I saw it on another blog roll.
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