Saturday, November 30, 2013

Battling my inner lazy girl

I have extreme cravings to overeat and to be a lazy lump- it's cold out, which makes me hungry and want to stay under the blankets.

The smarter side of me won out and we bundled up, grabbed the dog and a friend and went for a local hike!

I think I'm going to indulge in a nap now if I can, then do some work before going to another party tonight (fourth in four days-- holidays off to a roaring start!)

Namaste :)

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Post Holiday Wrap Up

Thanksgiving was really great! We had a great time at grandmas and some of my aunts and uncles and cousins stopped by. My grandmother is 98 years old and very sharp so it's great to just sit and talk with her for hours.

That was really the best part of Thanksgiving for me and for Chris too, I think. We are really trying to focus on family and friends and love and all the really nice things about holidays this year and not focus so much on the food.

That is not to say that we didn't eat the food! I had all the traditional Thanksgiving items - Turkey (white meat only!), stuffing, cranberry sauce and a lot of spinach salad that I made. My aunt actually made mashed sweet potatoes so it was really nice to be able to eat those instead of the white mashed potatoes. I only had one plateful of all the items (except for the turkey which I took seconds of) so I didn't overdo it on things like stuffing which aren't that great for me!

And, of course, I had pumpkin pie because that is my absolute favorite pie in the whole world. It wasn't Paleo, obviously, but I don't regret a minute of enjoying that pie at a table with all my family.

I was full but not uncomfortably, in pain kind of full. It was my second meal of the day and I ate it around 330. I was full enough that I did not eat a third meal of the day!

Overall I felt really good about the holiday. I woke up this morning still weighing 122 pounds. It's a little higher than I would like, but nothing crazy especially for the day after Thanksgiving (and I went to a party the day before Thanksgiving)!

Here's a photo with me yesterday feeling like I look just how I want to look. I want to keep it that way over this entire holiday season. And I think I will 100% be able to.

We also invited a friend over who is going to really tough time right now. She lost both her parents this year. So we shared a glass of wine with her and kind of just help the day go by with some friendly faces. We opened a bottle of our favorite wine, and it was really a great reason to have some wine and be with a friend and try to make someone's day a little brighter than it might of been. 

There always reasons to indulge in the holidays. To have a glass of wine, to have a piece of pie, or to sit down to a big meal with a lot of people. I like all those things. But I like doing them in such a way that I remember why I'm doing them. It's about the people you're doing it with and not about the things you're consuming necessarily.

Namaste- and remember what's really important to you this holiday season (I'm betting it's not food or shopping!!!)


Thanksgiving Burn :D

This is becoming a holiday tradition for us. We go for a long hike in our local nature preserve. If we do the whole loop, which we did today, it's about 5 miles. It's a nice way to start a day that is usually focused around gluttony and inactivity.

Koda sure was grateful for the hike. A life lesson we think we've learned from Koda is that he would rather burn 1000 cal than eat 1000 cal. In the end, so would we!!

Last night went well, I had a great time with my friends. I weigh the same today as yesterday- success!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I'm off to grandma's house in couple of hours. I'm bringing a really healthy salad to share. I plan to fill my plate over and over again with the salad so I'm not tempted by the other stuff. Focus on family and not food.


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Pre-thanksgiving party outfit!

I like to wear tight clothes to parties- form fitting items that will make it obvious when I've binged!

Tonight, I'm going to a party with friends- wearing a thin, clingy tank top so I won't want to over indulge... Haha, it true, though. If I wore a big oversized sweater I would be much more inclined to overindulge and eat a few piece of pie and drink a few glasses of wine and do whatever felt great at the moment. This way I have to be a little bit more aware of myself and my body and my limitations.

Also if I'm wearing something that makes me feel small and cute I will also be more inclined to be a little bit more moderate and not overdo it because I want to keep the body I have!!

Ah, the holidays! 

I wish it were easier to stay on plan, but I do what I can!

What this time of year really brings, how to cope

It was a nice, long fall. Not too cold, not too much rain, really very lovely overall!

But I cannot pretend anymore. Winter IS here. Snow, freezing rain, gray skies, cold winds, low temperatures. Ahhhhh... the Northeast!

I battle, like most other people this time of year, with the changes. We are hit with the PERFECT STORM of bad weather and holiday season. All the festivities surrounding FOOD! It is so natural. Winter hits, we are all forced inside, and so we need reasons to party and fill up the gloomy atmosphere with joy.

It's happened for 1000s and 1000s of years. From the earliest of sedentary people and whatever gods they worshiped - there was always a mid-winter celebration. Something to remind us that life is bright and spring WILL come. A time to feast, when the rest of the winter they perhaps didn't have a ton of food.

But, for us? In this modern world? We still want reasons to celebrate, to surround ourselves with joyous festivities in the middle of winter... but it isn't exactly like we don't feast the rest of the year, is it? haha.

So, here's what we are battling:

- worsening weather, cold weather

- general mood drop because of gray skies!

- dropping activity levels because of the weather

- rising hunger levels because of the weather (it is super biologically NORMAL to eat more and put on more fat when the weather gets cold.... but since we have fleece and down, it's not like we'll die if we don't, hahah)

So, what do we do?

For me, being aware of it is a huge step. Remembering that I am overall less active (sorry, Koda, sometimes we cut the walk short in the winter when it's pouring freezing rain!), remembering that I can tend towards a little seasonal depression, remembering that my hunger has physiologically increased, etc.

For example:

I will drink more flavored teas in the winter, to sort of curb my appetite or my desire for the lovely flavors of winter (like peppermint!)

I will FORCE myself to maintain activity levels similar to the summer... this is hard, because in the summer, I will skip on outside several times a day just to enjoy the weather. It means a lot more yoga and strength training indoors.

I will remember that the things that give me joy at this time of year surrounds PEOPLE, not food! I don't need to indulge in sweets and treats for the next two months to get a little of the joy that the holidays brings.

I bring lots and lots of flavored seltzers (have you tried champagne strawberry? awesome) to holiday get-togethers... I sip on those bubbly, flavorful drinks to 1) keep my hands busy 2) keep my mouth busy 3) enjoy the flavors 4) fill my stomach up so I won't eat 5 cupcakes!

I will remember that a healthy body is the best gift I can give to myself this Christmas :)

Weighing in at 122 today... a little up. As I said, I DO struggle this time of year. But I refuse to lose that struggle!

Peace and Love and Happy Thanksgiving to you all tomorrow!!!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Winter arrives...

Another day of frustrating grand jury service! Seriously, the wheels of justice grind verrrrrrry slowly.

Also- first real snowfall of the winter here. Cold, gray skies. View from the grand jury room:

Same old prep work for my day: egg scramble breakfast, thermos of coffee for the day, bunless burger and broccoli for lunch, yogurt and almonds and banana for snacks.

I'm a little dehydrated the past couple days- got off my obsessive water drinking schedule over the weekend. But I sit by the water cooler during jury duty and sip all day long... I go pee more than any other juror hahaha.

So cold out... Going to do squats in the break room after lunch instead of going for a walk!

Not much to report, no big thinky thoughts or rants today. Can't all be winners!


Monday, November 25, 2013

Balancing Indulgence and Health

I'll start at the beginning!

Saturday was a TON of fun. We went on a mini hike with Koda locally and cleaned up around the house. We went over to our friends' house for a pre-party dinner (we ordered out, I got a salad with grilled chicken on it) and then the fetish themed costume party started!

There are no pictures of me, since it WAS a fetish party, I was dressed in a way that, just perhaps, I would not want future employers to see, hahaha. I felt AWESOME in my costume, though, and the party was really fun. I talked and laughed and was silly and danced all night long with a bunch of my favorite people in the world. We walked home in the FREEZING cold (I brought cold weather gear) 2 miles at 6 AM - crazy. I didn't drink that much, a few beers, and didn't really snack, either. Felt great about my health choices, even if I lost a night of sleep!

I was so excited from the party, I didn't really sleep in the morning - I find it hard to sleep in the morning, too. If it is daylight out, I don't sleep easily.

So Chris and I lounged around in bed and watched TV all morning. We didn't really eat anything till after 1 PM!! We were so tired, we actually went out for brunch, and it was totally awesome.

I didn't stay paleo, because, well, I'll just be honest. Sometimes I just don't care!! BUT I do ALWAYS care about my health overall and try to be nice to my body. So I got two eggs with salsa and avocado over fresh corn tortillas. It was perfect - nice portion, just right, I felt full and like I put some good food in myself.

Coffee and a drink were included in the meal, so I was drinking coffee and a mojito with brunch!

Since I really didn't drink much on Saturday night (which was a night I usually indulge HARD), I didn't feel bad about a little drink on Sunday. I've been so, so, so good about my alcohol consumption for MONTHS. I've barely drank at all. Which made this weekend's little indulgences much more sweet :)

It was also really nice to go out with Chris on Sunday. We have been saving money and focusing on health, both of which don't really mesh well with going out to eat. He had a nice healthy (but still indulgent!) brunch too - duck sausage and egg scramble!

Then we did a little grocery shopping and did another indulgent thing we don't usually do - went to the movies!! We saw the new Hunger Games movie (we both loved the books) and fell totally in love with it. It was AMAZING.

They stayed so true to the book, the subtle emotions and complexities of the relationships and scenarios in the book came across SO WELL. The actors are all really, really great. Obviously, Jennifer Lawrence was stunning. She looked amazing and played the part of Katniss so well, I really truly could BELIEVE she was Katniss. The final moment in the movie almost made my heart stop. There were so many great moments in the movie - I cried, a LOT. No shame, either. It was really well done. Great story, great actors, great settings, great costumes, it was all perfect. Wouldn't change a thing!

Well, then I came home, ate a turkey burger, collapsed and slept for 14 hours.

I'm pretty stiff after the super long sleep, but I needed to catch up on what I missed Saturday night, so I am glad.

Had yogurt and coffee at noon, now I am going to stretch a little and loosen up before I attempt the dog walk!

I had a really great weekend, I am in such high spirits :) I also weigh 121.8, so I know I did really well with balancing a little indulgence and my health.

Hope you all feel as happy as I do right now! Namaste <3

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hair cut!

Not too short (my hair is too naturally curly to go too short!) but a nice change! 

Got my costume party tonight. ;)

Enjoy the weekend!!!!

Friday, November 22, 2013

My weird foods

Maintaining at yesterday's weight and feeling great in general. Ah, the good old natural upswings of life (usually followed by a downswing, but why be pessimistic?? Just going to enjoy for now!).

Had a weird breakfast this morning: I heated up leftover cauliflower rice, then I heated up a Mexican spiced turkey/onion/mushroom mix in a pan and cooked some eggs into it. I served the egg/meat combo over the rice and REALLY enjoyed it. New textures and flavor combos. Never eaten cauliflower with my eggs before, hahah.

I buy what is fresh, on sale and (as much as I can) organic. So what food we have in the house can be really random. But I have matured enough to not care about that - if it is fuel and good for my body, I eat it. Even if I eat typical dinner foods for breakfast or breakfast foods for dinner.

Also, since 90% of what I buy in the store is either meat or veggies, there isn't a LOT of variety in what KIND of foods I eat. Mixes, scrambles, meat with a veggie side, salads, crock pot meals, soups. Stuff like that.

But because of my (cheap) shopping rules of buying whatever is on sale (either organic or clean 15), I eat a lot of different sorts of veggies. Which is great. I do take a multivitamin every day, but I feel like I get tons of my vitamins and minerals from my veggie variety!

Also, buying grass fed beef whenever possible is a great way to eat meat but still get the benefits of all the grass the cow ate :)

Grass fed, local sirloin top round steaks were on sale at the store this morning... so I grabbed some for me and Chris for dinner tonight (they are very small).

It's so weird to be reminded of how I used to eat when I watch my roommate cook. He makes huge pots of pasta or rice and throws some veggies/meat and sauce into them. He eats ramen and lots of bread. Huge doses of grains several times a day.

I used to do that, too.

I couldn't IMAGINE how I would feed myself, what my meals would look like without grains.

I loved making all the different sorts of meals you can with grains: sandwiches, fish tacos, pizzas, spaghetti and meatballs, whatever.

Now, I know that my meals are less varied in type but SO much more varied in content. Having to fill my belly up every day without grains leads me to incorporate a lot of different vegetables in order to still feel like I have a little variety in my life.

And I feel so, so, so much healthier. Less bloated. Less heavy. Less sluggish. Less rashy. Lighter, freer, stronger, more energy!

I wish I could go back in time and tell my 21 year old self how great and weird this way of eating is! :D

Alright, off to work on some lectures for next semester. The dog is already walked, will do some yoga later and grab a shower before Chris comes home.

I am getting a haircut tomorrow, I will post a picture!


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Staying in a range, Why it will always be a struggle, and Pride

Weigh-in this morning: 120.6

Back to the low end of the range I like to be in. Feels great!

I also really like the fact that (aside from the aftermath of one VERY salty indulgent night) I have stayed in my range of 118 - 123 for four months now.

Previously, I was staying in a range of 123 - 127, and I stayed in that range for over a year.

It's that steady weight trend that I really, really like to see. It's not something I ever had as a teen or a young woman in my early to mid 20s. It took me till almost 30 years old to REALLY get the hang of healthy weight loss and healthy weight maintenance.

(Side note that I think is important: it has always been a goal of mine to find a small weight range I can really and truly stay within and STOP the weight fluctuations of ten pounds or more in a year.... it is so much healthier to be able to maintain weight than to continuously yo-yo!)

I write here about my struggles, because it IS still a struggle. Obesity and eating disorders don't just POOF disappear and life is easy because you're thin now. I don't want to sugar coat this for other who deal with the same issues and are looking forward to the "end goal" where they hit their goal weight and things get easy. Nah, not really like that. But! It is not all gloom and doom, either. There is joy in working for what you want. For finding health where there used to be none.

So, yes, there is struggle, but there is also success.

I do, finally, after all these years of self-hatred and body loathing, love my body.

It still has it's flaws, but I look in the mirror and I am proud. I am proud of my hard work. I am proud of my strength (mental and physical!). I am proud that I brought a body ravaged by depression and sadness back into health.

Loving my body is directly correlated to loving myself. To being proud of who I am and what I've done and am doing. When I do the right things, things that are hard but RIGHT, to stay healthy and fit, I am proud. And that pride turns into love.

I wish this for everyone who is struggling. And because I wish it for everyone, I give this advice:

It will always be work and sometimes it will be really, really hard. The damage we did to our bodies and our minds requires constant vigilance to keep in check. All that work and vigilance is WORTH IT. So worth it. To be proud of the body you have, no matter what it's flaws, because you know you've done right by it.

I am so comfortable right now. I want to always remember this and stay on this path.

Namaste <3

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My first try at cauliflower rice!

Being someone who eats mainly paleo and blogs about paleo and reads about paleo... well, I run into a lot of talk about cauliflower rice, but I've never tried it. I've mashed my cauliflower so it sates that desire for potatoes, but the rice was never something I really desired (mostly because rice is the grain I will eat when I go a little off paleo (sushi!!) because it is still gluten free so I don't have to miss it as much).

Anyway, organic cauliflower was on sale this week, so I picked it up and thought it was a good time to try the cauliflower rice!

Came out DELICIOUS. Really liked it. So did Chris!

Here is what I did:

- put a pan on medium heat with a tablespoon of olive oil

- chopped up a head of cauliflower and put it in the food processor, pulsing till it was the size of rice/couscous/quinoa

- chopped up onion (not quite fine, but not big chunks)

- sauteed the onion till it was translucent

- threw in the cauliflower

- put in my seasonings (oregano, basil, thyme, garlic powder, black pepper and paprika)

- mixed it all around pretty good, covered it for a few minutes

- after a VERY short period of time, it was tender!


We served it with a baked cod coated with flax meal and spices (also very yum) and topped it with fresh parsley!

It was a REALLY beige meal for us... we usually have tons of colorful veggies, but this is what we happened to have in the house and it was all fresh and ready for use. Chris and I both eat greens and other veggies throughout the day, so I didn't mind :)

Anyway, the texture was really pleasant, the cauliflower was tender and really flavorful (all chopped up, it really absorbed the spices and cooked evenly).

Thumbs up from this girl!


Where is the freaking common sense???

First, life stuff: weighing 121 and feeling good. Drank more water/tea/coffee than I thought humanly possible at jury duty yesterday!

I have an ultrasound today with a possible mammogram. I am nervous. I know it is likely nothing bad, but still - being a woman in this day and age, I get nervous. You hear about way too many young woman getting breast cancer. But that's why we do this stuff, right? Go to the doctor, try and be preventative, etc.

Other than that, life is going well and as usual!

On to my rant:

Everyone in this country (and I am including our neighbor- Canada, since I believe that's where this article takes place and our diets/ideas are very similar!) really needs to wake up and start being a lot more reasonable. Most people wouldn't be able to identify a healthy meal if you threw it in their face.

Case in point:

Mom Gives Kids Homemade Lunch, School Forces Them to Eat Ritz Crackers

Some quotes from the article:

"A mom who thought she was properly parenting by sending her two young kids to school with a homemade, whole-food lunch was shocked to find a penalty note from school officials informing her that the lunch of roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges and milk she provided was "unbalanced" and therefore had to be supplemented with Ritz crackers.

She was also fined $10."

"Unbalanced lunches are subject to supplementation and a fine of CDN$5 (US$4.80) per "missing item" per child.

In Kristen Bartkiw's case, she "neglected" to include "grains" with Natalie and Logan's packed lunches — a "dereliction" that was "corrected" through the "supplementation" of Ritz crackers.

According to the nutrition facts found on its homepage, a serving of Ritz crackers (~10 crackers) contains 6.5g of fat, of which nearly half is saturated."

I just... I'm frustrated.

Roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges and milk = not enough?


There are a lot of different ways to eat healthy. I am not really into nitpicking and telling people they have to eat just like me (ie. paleo). BUT I am TOTALLY not into schools telling people they need to include a whole grain in their kid's lunch.... ESPECIALLY when that grain is a freaking Ritz cracker. A Ritz cracker is basically a non-food item to me. Especially when you compare it to the rest of the lunch she sent with her kids.

I don't know.

I don't have a solution. I don't know how to make people be freaking sensible about food. Why these huge pendulum swings? Why don't we know how to use our brains???? (The thing I am most grateful for from my education is being taught HOW to think, not WHAT to think).

It just seems like so many people, especially authority figures, don't think anymore.

I like logic and reason, really. I like common sense instead of arbitrary rules enforced without thinking. For example, if a kid gets sent to school with Doritos and cookies, throw in a protein and a veggie and let the parents know there needs to be balance (I wish that had happened to me as a kid- I was bringing pretty much that every day because my dad didn't monitor my food!). But that meal the mom in the article sent to school? It was clearly a decent, heathly, balanced meal. It didn't have grains, but not every meal needs grains (it did have starch!). Just like not every meal NEEDS meat or fruit. We have 3 meals a day and a snack or two to get in a variety of foods and nutrition.

Just wanted to share this bit of news, and urge people to value some rationality in the world again.

Sorry for the rant, stories like this make me crazy!!!

Have a good, balanced day!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Weighed in the same as yesterday today (but had to weigh in three-four hours earlier than normal because I had to get up early for jury duty).

I like to make sure Koda (and I!) still gets a good walk in on days like these, even if it means waking up in pitch black darkness. Waking up in the dark really messes with my biological clock.

I am once again prepared for the day so that I don't have to buy food outside of my home:

I have lots of water, lots of coffee, my book and you can see my snack of almonds and raisins there- I use that to maintain steady blood sugars all morning so I'm not ravenous for lunch!

Lunch is my mix, sweet potato and yogurt. I brought a banana in case the day runs long (which it seems like it is).


Don't let them catch you with your pants down (or without some healthy meals and snacks in your lunchbox).

I really feel like being outside the home for work, errands or travel is no excuse for eating poorly. We all have to do these things all the time. If we allow the excuses, it is easy to eat poorly a lot of the time.

I took 30 minutes to grocery shop on Sunday and 30 minutes to prep food on Monday and 5 minutes to pack lunch today. That hour of prep saves me time all week long. It takes mere minutes to set myself up well for my day in the morning.

Totally worth it!

Here's a cute picture of my creatures interacting (if you can call it that!):

And me enjoying cocoa and a tired pup:

Be nice to yourselves today <3


Monday, November 18, 2013

Morning scramble!

And not "morning scramble" as in I am rushing around like crazy... just my typical breakfast!

I've been eating the same breakfast for months and months. I can't remember when it started, even!

If you've been reading me for a while, you know one of my favorite little shortcuts is to make a huge batch of ground meat/veggies/spices so that I end up with over two pounds of really healthy food just ready to eat in tupperwares. I heat it up for dinner all by itself or maybe put it over a roasted sweet potato or mix it into egg or eat it over a bed of spinach. Whatever!

I've taken to eating more of a "brunch" than breakfast. I eat later in the morning and eat a REALLY hearty meal (usually around 450 calories).

I eat the mix and egg scramble below over half a sweet potato:

I stay really full all morning and early afternoon. Then I usually have a decent snack or two before dinnertime in the evening. No fuss or muss, so simple that I never mind doing it. Also, it tastes really good - I make a slightly different mix every week. I change the meat and the veggies and the spices up to keep my tastebuds guessing :)

This week it was more of an Italian flavored mix - green beans and spinach and tomatoes with ground turkey, flavored with black pepper, oregano and basil. Sometimes I go more Indian with cumin and ginger. Sometimes more Mexican with chili and garlic powders.

Also wanted to share my happy kitchen table arrangement. I like looking at it and it makes me happy to be in the kitchen (the cup candle is a favor from my SILs baby shower!)

Starting the day off right with a healthy meal and a long walk with the dog. As usual. I have some pretty strict habits that take the guesswork out of my day :)

Weighing in at 121.8 this morning. I wasn't the best behaved this weekend (if you remember the cupcake I mentioned and I ate chips, too, that sodium really reacts poorly with me). But I kept enough in check and did enough prep work for my weekend of travel that I am still in my happy range!

Enjoy your day, my friends! Namaste <3

Sunday, November 17, 2013


Travel went well! Lots and lots of sitting in the car, which I do not love. I feel slightly bloaty and sluggish from that (and the fact that I ate a cupcake at the baby shower!).

Back to normal today. No spirals here :D

Had an egg and veggie and ground turkey scramble this morning, having pork chops and brussels sprouts tonight. Very light lunch, maybe just a snack. Eating the treats yesterday at the shower wasn't the best choice I could have made!

Already took the dog on a (rainy) walk and now Chris and I are going to the mall to update my phone and to just walk around, since it is rainy and dreary outside, we want to just take an easy walk in the mall. It's easy to do a few miles in the mall we have in our city!

Pictures from the ferry ride to Long Island from Providence:


Friday, November 15, 2013

Traveling with Health in Mind and my next goal

I am off for a challenging weekend, food and exercise wise. I will be traveling a lot, alone.

I am driving to Providence, RI late this morning to spend the day and night with my sister-in-law at her new house. Then we are all heading to Long Island together (but in separate cars) for her baby shower on Saturday. Then I will drive home to Albany.

That's a lot of sitting. I usually am pretty mobile when I am at home. Always heading up and down the stairs, cleaning, playing with the dog, whatever. I don't sit still for long. I actually REALLY hate sitting for long periods of time. I get really antsy and uncomfortable (another reason I am not excitedly looking for an office job, haha).

But, there is nothing to be done for the inactivity, really. I can get out at rest stops and stretch. And I will definitely make a point of putting aside some time in the busy weekend of travel and socializing to do purposeful yoga.

But food is the biggest concern!! Obviously, part of the weekend is a party and there will be treats and things. And, just simply, I won't have easy access to my kitchen! I cook everything I eat, aside from snacks like bananas or yogurt. But, seriously, I cook three times a day.

So I am packing a little cooler for myself. I have roasted sweet potatoes, a ground turkey/green bean/tomato mix, bananas, and other assorted fresh and healthy food to bring.

I can't let the stress and time commitment of travel derail me!

I am still weighing in at 120.4 and want to keep it that way.

So did I mention my next goal? It's a silly one. I always like to set little goals that aren't too far away to keep me in check. For example, I wanted to stay healthy for my wedding, then for my trip to Japan, then for my tattoo. Little goals set about a month or so apart to just remind me WHY I am putting the work in to stay fit and healthy. Japan would not have been nearly as fun if I was gaining weight and/or sick because I didn't take care of myself!

The next goal is about a week away, a big party on Saturday that we call the Rage Cage (hahaha). It's a costume party where our friends' band plays along with several friends who are DJs. It used to be a Halloween party but changed into it's own thing eventually! There is always a theme for the costumes (one year zombies, one year cross dressing, one year post-apocalypse). This year, the theme is fetishes!!!

So, I have a costume. It doesn't leave a ton to the imagination. So really hoping I keep my indulgences in check this weekend and coming week so I can feel as comfortable as possible :D

Have a stunning weekend, my friends!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Telling my husband my weight

I've been living with my now-husband for about four years. In the beginning of those four years, I would never dream to tell him what I weighed. Especially since, very quickly, I gained almost ten pounds during the we-are-in-love-and-eating-out-and-drinking-and-getting-each-other-treats phase. At points, I was nearing 150. At 5'4, I didn't want him to know that (though I'm sure he could tell I was uncomfortable in my body as I never wanted him to see me naked during these higher weight times).

But, after about that first year and a half of indulgence, we started to communicate about how we would BOTH like to lose weight and make health/fitness a priority in our lives.

I began speaking about my weight in more general terms, how much I'd like to lose or goal weights, but wasn't super comfortable just telling him what I weighed. It was a dirty secret, in some ways, something I was ashamed of.

Which is strange - it's just a fact, it's just my body, it's a scientific measure of my mass here on earth.

But, yeah, shame. It sucks.

For over a year, now, I've had no shame telling him my weight, and for example: I texted him this morning telling him I weighed in at 120.4 (because I was happy I was back at goal, hahaha).

And it struck me - I wonder how many other wives/partners would text their significant other their weight, haha. Is it just us obsessed with weight loss? Is it disordered? Is it normal because weight is just a number and nothing to be ashamed of?

Am I engaging in bad behaviors or good ones?

I like to let him know my weight (since we both have and do struggle with weight) so that I can be open, honest and accountable. Hell, I tell you guys my weight ALL the time!

I also like to be honest so that if one of us or both of us are going down a dangerous path of slow gaining, we don't have to hide it or make it a shameful thing. We can just, together, adjust how we are eating/working out/living.

I really do like to be in it together. I think I need to be this honest, all the time, because for SO long I hid in disordered behaviors surrounding eating. The more open I am, the less I can hide, the less I can be disordered.

Just my thoughts this morning... I try to be healthy about this mentally, but it is hard, since I have had messed up thinking about eating for so, so, so long. I grew up binge eating and eventually purging or starving (with little effect on my weight). I was obese for over a decade. It messes things up in my brain, for sure.

So honesty and openness are my defenses, now. It works for me.

Namaste <3

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Overall Health

I blog about weight loss, weight maintenance, fitness and nutrition a lot.

But I think that might skew perceptions about what is really important to me.

I am looking for overall health, as close to 100% as humanly possible. I want my insides, my outsides, my spirit and mind to be healthy or healing, to always have progress.

This means I want good blood pressure readings, I want only healthy amounts of fat on my body, I want my hair to be shiny, I want my teeth to be clean, I want my mental state to be calm and happy (as much as that's possible - as I said: progress is important here!).

I am SO thankful I have insurance back. Paid 20 bucks for a dental cleaning, check up and xrays. I will pay about the same in a month when I go back for bonding on a chipped tooth.

Dental health is super important to overall health! Here is a small article indicating why Why is Dental Health Important?

It amazes me when so many of my contemporaries - educated and middle class adults in their 30s - DON'T go to the dentist. Not for twice a year cleanings, not for once a year cleanings, not for check ups, and rarely even if they are having pain or discomfort!

Lots of people have bad memories or fear associated with the dentist.

I do, too. Absolutely.

But, today, after skipping some dental work 6 months ago (I waited to get it taken care of till now because I knew I would have Chris' insurance by then), I was so grateful to have insurance and to be looking after my health that I wasn't scared.

I just want to be healthy.

I want to do what I can to take care of the things I can - preventative things, especially, to make sure I don't get problems in the future!

This is important in all arenas of life and health - take care of all the different parts, live as long and well as you can :)

Namaste <3

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

A Week of Groceries in Different Countries

Just something to think about....

A Week of Groceries in Different Countries

USA's picture is pretty gross. I would like to think it's a biased photo and they really packed in the junk for the photo to show how bad American eating habits are. But, sadly, I think that is very much what that family eats in a week.

I'd like to have Bhutan's, Ecuador's, India's, or the Guatemalan groceries, though - they look delicious and nutritious (no junk - because it's not really available?... other supposedly "healthy" countries like Japan still have a bunch of processed junk).

Anyway, wanted to share! This has been making the rounds of my anthropology friends, interesting for a number of reasons.


Another day cooped up!

I hate jury duty!

It reminds me of why I hate office jobs.

Stuck in a building for 8 to 9 hours, spending time getting to and from the building, no fresh air, little access to any healthy food aside from what you've brought. Spending most of your daylight hours inside... AUUGH.

Awful and inhumane.

Chris dropped me off (after an awful morning involving a broken French press, beverages dropped on the floor, and other mishaps.) and I will walk home (3 miles) to get my steps in.

I brought a paleo shepherd's pie for lunch and am drinking lots of water (and struggling to wait for ends of cases to pee!!!)

It's not fun being here. I really dislike it, now 5 weeks in, I dislike it ever more!

BUT I can be healthy while doing it, for sure.

Down to 122.8 this morning! Yay :) back into my "happy" range where I am comfy with my weight and body.

Truckin' on, always.


Monday, November 11, 2013


I had a really fun weekend, it was really full of doing things at all times, so not a very relaxing time, but fun nonetheless!

The highlight: a hike in the Adirondacks with my family! Koda is wearing his safety orange vest so hunters don't mistake him for a deer or something :)

We had a lot of get-togethers with friends this weekend. A little too much. I drank wine two days out of three and ate some INCREDIBLY salty brisket on Saturday. Up to 124 this morning. Not great, but I can easily get back to a comfortable weight by not doing the things mentioned earlier, hahaha. 

Chris got his tattoo yesterday, but it is only half finished (it's a big tattoo) so he is going to wait to show people till it is finished! That took up most of our day yesterday. We ate great yesterday, tons of different vegetables, mostly raw - felt great to flush my system of some of the junk I put into it over the weekend.

Definitely struggling with the social stuff this holiday season. I don't eat in these situations like I do 95% of the time... and an evening or two of indulgence can really throw off my health and fitness goals. I just am a little hedonistic - I like to drink, I like to eat, I like to indulge. I really, really, really do. So it is very hard to STOP doing these things, even though they don't help me get where I want to be.

But that's what being an adult is all about, huh? Doing things you don't want to because they are good and right.

Still have a little more maturing to do, is all :D

Chris has the day off today, so we are going to do a little hike with Koda again!

Namaste <3

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Sharing a few wedding pictures

We get our professional wedding photos back in a week or two. But I recently received some from a friend who is an awesome photographer, he had been working on a slideshow for me and Chris (did I mention we are super lucky to know some great people?) this whole time!

Thought I would share some of those photos.... I love looking back on this beautiful day that was a culmination of all the love I had been feeling from family, friends and my new husband:


Ammonia in Fast Food

Well, first, I weighed in at 120.8 this morning. So down almost 3 lbs from yesterday. That was a very strange fluctuation!! I am usually very consistent in my weight, not a lot of variation. It's why daily morning weighing has always worked for me, not a lot of surprises.

I guess I was very bloated or something? I don't know. I like to keep an eye on the balances or imbalances of my body, so I'm glad I keep track.

But also glad I'm back in my comfort zone!!!

So, McDonald's finally admitted to and began to stop the process of washing it's low quality meat with ammonia before making it into burgers....

Great. Color me underwhelmed.

This crap isn't food. Don't eat it. The fact that they've been feeding people ammonia for years and years should tell you how much they care about your health.

Jamie Oliver Proves McDonalds Burgers Unfit for Human Consumption

This was my colorful, clean and natural dinner last night (roasted beets, butternut squash and a mix of ground chicken/tomatoes/spinach/mushroom/onions! - I find that no hormone, natural meats are cheaper in their ground form).

Eat clean, live well, namaste!!


Well, looks like last week caught up with me, or something. I gained 2 pounds since yesterday morning.. went from 121.4 to 123.4... kind of weird, especially since I've been eating normally since the beginning of the week. Was getting back on track after indulging in too much chocolate and sugars.

I was weighing in very steadily around 121 for about two weeks, even though I definitely has some very un-paleo times. I thought I got away scot free - got to have my cake and eat it too, so to say, haha :)

This is the high end of my acceptable weight range for me. I gave myself a range of 118-123 to be happy, healthy, and comfortable in my own body. For the past few months, it's clear that it is decently easy for me to maintain around 121. But I got a little too lax.

Oh, well. What else to do but just continue doing the stuff I know is right?

Started the morning with a glass of water and a yogurt (this might actually be one of the culprits - I decided to try dairy yogurt this week instead of almond milk yogurt.... going back to almond milk yogurt next week!).

Will have my typical sweet potato, tomato and egg breakfast.

Then I have butternut squash and my chicken/spinach/onion/mushroom mix to sort of eat for lunch and dinner (I sometimes eat two small meals or one larger meal, depending on time of day when I get hungry).

Snacks can be beets, almonds and a banana, if/when I want them.

It's pouring rain out this morning, but is supposed to stop around 2 PM, so I am going to hold off on the dog walk until then, do a little yoga before I settle down to try to make some sense of my really annoying dissertation that I hate a lot.

Looking for a better tomorrow by preparing today!

Namaste <3

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Fast food

My friends were all talking about fast food yesterday, talking about which ones they love the most, which they don't, how much they eat it, how convenient it is, etc, etc.

It really blew my mind!

A few friends remarked that there is a Taco Bell across from their work, and it is so convenient that they eat it for lunch a time or two during the work week.


I forgot how MUCH I've changed my eating habits in the past few years and how different it is from the standard American diet! Fast food isn't an option. I'll go hungry before I'll stop for fast food. I haven't eaten fast food in ten years (with the exception of a drunken stop at Burger King a few years ago and twice in an airport while exhausted and ready to cry.... so 3 times in ten years, all regrettable!!!)

I can't believe normal, sane, grown, educated humans eat fast food. It's mind blowing. It's just not food, it's not a valid option. The three times I've had it in the past decade, it has wreaked SUCH havoc in my gut, because it was barely qualified as food. My body knew it. Hell, I knew it, but I wanted comfort (and ended up in discomfort, haha).

If I could change one thing about the food industry, it would be fast food. I would love for everyone to be accountable for making and preparing their own food most of the time... I think people would be a lot more healthy if they were more connected to their food. Shopping for or growing your own food, caring for it, preparing it, cooking it, etc... you know what you are eating all the time.

Fast food? Most people don't know or care what they are putting in their body, they just want fast calories that are pleasurable.

It's not an option for me. I really am kind of judgmental about people who it IS an option for (sorry, but I'm being honest here!!).

I absolutely let my friends know my feelings on the matter, too, hahaha.

I slip up a lot and eat things not on plan (like grains) or eat too much, but fast food? Not a slip up that is an option for me.

So, TV night with my friends is tonight... and guess what they are doing right now? Taking orders for Five Guys burgers and one of our friends is going to pick it up and they are going to chow down during the shows.


It is insanely difficult to live in this society and try to maintain health, for sure!

I will be eating butternut squash, spinach, tomatoes and chicken for dinner. I had a sweet potato, eggs, and guacamole (home made) for breakfast.

And so the journey goes....

Namaste :)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

What I've learned in 500 posts

Wow, my 500th post. Apparently, I've got a lot to say, haha! But, seriously, I love blogging- it helps me think, helps me stay accountable, helps me de-stress, and more. It's been a really useful tool in my life (especially this last year!)

So, what have I learned through these 500 posts? Life is a learning process and I sure hope I'm wiser than I was!

- that I've got to be 100% serious about this health thing. This is my one and only life and my one and only body, I've got to take care of them as best as possible because I'm not going to get another chance.

- that I've spent way too much time hating my body and thinking I am not worthwhile.

- that my spirit must be filled and taken care of or the care of my body will soon fall by the wayside.

- that being active isn't a hobby or a chore, it is a way of life and must infuse everything I do!

- that I can always eat things I like, but I can't eat all the things I like (if that makes sense!... meaning all my meals and snacks taste good, but just because I like pizza doesn't mean I get to eat it).

- that it's really, really hard in this society to make the right choices all the time for my health.

- that it is a long, long process undoing a lifetime of thinking/behaving like an obese or overweight person. It took me years to get down to my lowest adult weight, years and years to undo bad patterns and habits.

- that the work involved in ACTUALLY unlearning bad behaviors and ways of thinking is so, so, so worth it because it is so much easier to live as a healthy person when I am not just pretending at it.

- that I have to focus on filling my meals/snacks with protein and healthy fat... I eat about 50% carbs in a day, and I don't have to TRY to get that many, it just happens because carbs are in everything. So I make sure my other foods comprise things like eggs, chicken, avocados, etc.

- that grains are not my friends. They bulk out my diet with carbs and calories without any truly worthwhile nutrition (I can get the same and better nutrition from veggies, which also get me my carbs for the day).

- that alcohol is also not my friend. I have limited my intake to once every couple of weeks (and not binge drinking it then, either!).

- that the QUALITY of my food affects my body just as much as the type of food. I buy organic as much as possible (or stick to the Clean 15) and eat mostly only whole foods.

- I cannot reiterate the point above enough. Clean, chemical-free, pesticide-free, hormone-free, antibiotic-free foods are a MUST!

So, these are the things that have been guiding my life since I started this blog. Clean, organic food compromised mostly of proteins and vegetables. Activity throughout the day. Caring for myself, treating my body like a precious machine that needs to be filled with the best of fuels.

Weighing in at 121.4 today, about a pound higher than I'd like, but I've been a bit of a sloth the past two days because of my tattoo. My shoulder still feels pretty raw and I still don't even want to feel a shirt on my skin, but it feels MUCH better and I know it is going to heal well, just have to give it time!

All my love, thanks for reading <3

Monday, November 4, 2013

Hawk Tattoo

Short and sweet, I wanted to share photos with you of the new tattoo.

But, first, how it went yesterday... It was intense!! The first 3.5-4 hours were fine, normal tattooing pain. After hour 4, my body started going into a bit of shock, all my chemicals freaking out because of the wound and pain. I almost didn't make it through the tattoo! It was the closest I've ever come in my life to fainting.

Just over 5 hours and I was a mess for the rest of the night!

But worth it! I love the tattoo (though WOW it hurts and is making my morning harder!!).

Here it is (still pretty raw so you can't see all the colors/detail yet):

Namaste! I'm off to try and walk the dog (it's hard because I don't even want to put a shirt on!)

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Family Walk

The day was STUNNINGLY beautiful- we hit the local nature preserve by 8 AM (I was up at 4 AM again for some insane reason) and had a great, quiet and lovely 4 mile hike with Koda!

The sky was out of this world!

We also ate a great, healthy breakfast of eggs, sweet potato and vegetables.. Went for another walk around noon and bought freshly squeezed juices from a local juice place.

Want to be as healthy and unbloated as possible tomorrow.. Depending on when the tattoo is finished, I might post a picture tomorrow. If not, all my love till Monday!

Friday, November 1, 2013

Hectic day!

My day began very late, I slept wayyyyyy in by accident and got a late start. The dog didn't even get his walk till noon! And I've been running around doing errands like a crazy person...

AND Chris will be home shortly from a week of travel, so that takes precedence over blogging right now ;) I'm sure you can understand that, my friends!

But, just as an update: weight is the same. Eating and exercise going well. Will probably weigh 120 pounds when I get my tattoo on Sunday, which is fine by me!! Only a pound higher than my lowest weight, cannot complain about that at 31 years old.

Love to you all <3