Sunday, June 29, 2014

Weekend Update

Had a really great weekend- busy!

Saturday was our friend's yearly BBQ at his penthouse apartment with a great view of the city and a huge patio to enjoy the view:




I did my hair all pretty for the party:


Aaaaand I got really drunk for the first time in a very, very, very long time! We were at the party for many hours and I was drinking vodka. Definitely woke up with a headache this morning!

But I promised some friends of mine that I would help them move today, so I spent today doing that, it was a lot of work and they're moving about an hour outside of the city, so a lot of driving too.

They have a cute, huge dog:



Not going to weigh in today or tomorrow, especially after drinking and eating off plan this weekend. I don't regret going off plan and I don't regret drinking. I had a lot of fun all weekend and really enjoyed myself. I don't splurge like that very often at all anymore. And I know I'm not going to splurge like that in the near future, either. 

Back to normal tomorrow for a nice long week of clean food and exercise!

My ear finally seems to be clearing up this weekend, too, which makes everything a lot easier for me.

Just wanted to update you all - let you know I went purposely off plan this weekend but am right back on track starting immediately (I don't let one party or a weekend off plan spiral me out of control anymore. If I go off plan, it's not an accident, I did it on purpose and i'm purposely right back on track!)

<3

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Awkward convo and Addiction article

The other night I got together with a bunch of girls for a girls night/craft night. I didn't have any crafts to do, some girls made necklaces and others crocheted, stuff like that. I just wanted to go because I hadn't seen people in a while because of my ear infection!

I had a nice time but there was one conversation that made me feel awkward! Up until that conversation, I had been energetically involved in all the conversation. But then I knew it was my time to shut up.

The dreaded weight conversation.

Lots of talk about how pants didn't fit anymore, about having to wear sweatpants, about weight gained, about going up sizes in clothing, etc. Talk about going on cleanses, which have become a weird thing in my friend group. Three days of nothing but vegetables and vegetable soup, juice. 

And here I am, making a conscious decision to maintain a couple pounds higher to make sure my menstrual cycle continues as normal!

I don't ever get myself involved in those conversations, I don't offer advice anymore, nothing. I've learned that people don't actually want to hear about the realities of weight loss or maintaining a healthy weight, not until they're actually ready for it. 

Once a friend actually said to me, "I hate you a little bit." in reference to my weight. (She's more of an acquaintance connected to the group, not a close friend of mine... But a close friend of mine did agree with her!) I said, jokingly, but truthfully too, "But I don't eat bread!!!" and we laughed and they started talking about how they would never give up bread.

I don't ever want to invite even superficial hate. I didn't want to drive attention to the fact that I was the only one in that room that had been the same weight for years. Lots of my friends cycle dramatically in their weight (which I worry about, because losing 15 pounds and gaining 10, losing 10 gaining 15, etc., is such a strain on the body).

So, awkward. Wanting to share what I've learned but knowing it's not welcome. Wanting to help but knowing it will come off poorly. But less awkward since I've learned to just not contribute to the conversation, though it is strange for me to remain quiet (I'm a talker!).

Weigh in today: 122.8! Nice- a slight drop even though I wasn't trying for it. Definitely noticing that my weight normally fluctuates between 122 and 124 when I'm just eating how I normally eat, without actively trying to lose weight and without overindulging. I can live with it!

Also wanted to share this article reiterating some of the disgusting/abhorrent ways junk food is engineered to keep people addicted and unhealthy:


Just don't put non-food items in your mouth/body, ok?? Mostly whole, clean foods and you won't fall into this cyclical trap of physical food addiction (emotional addiction is another thing entirely!).

Ok- off to walk the dog. Namaste <3

Grocery Shop

I like to do this kind of post once in a while, to let you know what kind of food I bring into my house. Having my house stocked for success is really one of the most major reasons I have been able to maintain my weight (having my partner on board with this style of eating is the other, I think!).

Had a very successful grocery shop today (minus most of the veggies for the house, which are bought on Sundays at the local co-op because we get a discount on Sunday!):

Meat:

Deli honey ham (natural, no nitrates, etc)
Boneless pork ribs
Whole natural chicken
Also bought chicken drumsticks
Grass fed ground beef
Ground turkey (no antibiotics, etc)
4 cans tuna

Produce:

Bananas
2 Cantaloupes
Pineapple
Organic navel oranges (great deal - same price as non-organic! so I got about 4 lbs)
Organic grape tomatoes
Romaine hearts

Random Stuff:

Seltzer, lots and lots of seltzer (helps me meet my water goals for the day, because I love it so much)
My lactose free cottage cheese (2 big containers, I love this stuff)
Coconut milk coffee creamer
1 lb almonds
Eggs
Sunflower seed butter (mm)
Poppy seed salad dressing
Dried snap peas for snacking

Stuff we had from previous shop included onions, slicing tomatoes, turnips, brussels sprouts, beets, sweet potatoes, cabbage, carrots, spinach, mushrooms, dates.

So that's what my kitchen looks like right now! And it pretty much always has some variation of this list. Nutritious, filling food. Very little junk (I use the coconut creamer and sunflower seed butter to satiate my need for fatty junk... we also have some dark chocolate in the house from the co-op, which we have been able to moderate and not overindulge in! The chocolate is not an option during the day, it's something for the evening if we are craving that. The chocolate we buy is pretty expensive (organic, few ingredients,etc) so I wouldn't waste it by eating it mindlessly haha!).

So when I am hungry and I look in the fridge and see a coleslaw made of carrots and cabbage or roasted beets or sliced cantaloupe and none of it appeals to me? I know I am not really hungry, just snacky because of emotional reasons (boredom, stress, whatever). I'll drink some seltzer and come back later when actually hungry.

Have a good day, friends <3


Monday, June 23, 2014

Ear problems, plans for work

Seems like my hiking last week exhausted me just enough that my cold came back with a vengeance! I was pretty laid up all weekend, just resting and dealing with a plugged up ear (I can't tell if it is infected all anew or there is just residual fluid build up... I will be back to the doctor in a day or two if it doesn't clear up a little bit!).

Tried to keep an eye on my food, since I was pretty inactive all weekend, and weighed in at 123 this Monday morning. Just right! Mostly focusing on getting nutritious, colorful food into my body, to give it all the advantages it needs to fight whatever is going on inside my body.

They moved my job start date up a week, which is great (though I really WILL miss my lovely days at home) since the budget just keeps getting tighter and tighter, hahaha. That first paycheck is going to be AMAZING (even though it is not much in comparison to some people's paychecks, it is more than I have seen in a looooong time).

I think I am going to get a haircut and manicure with the extra bit of money ... a nice little treat after being pretty stingy this year!

It will be interesting to see how my diet, exercise schedule, etc will change when I start a regular job (it's an 8-4:30 shift, which I LOVE... I don't mind waking up early and I love having lots of hours at home in the evening).

I plan to prep a lot of food on the weekends and at least one night during the week. I will probably rely more on crockpot meals. I will also still be taking Koda on a long walk in the mornings before I leave for work. But it will be weird to sit down for 8 hours - not sure how the office policies are yet, but I hope they don't restrict me from getting up once in a while to stretch. I'll still walk at lunchtime, though... since I will be bringing lunch, I won't need to waste the entire lunch hour getting food/eating. Mostly walking :)

But I still have two weeks before I start - so there will be a focus on enjoying this time while it lasts!

<3

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Our buddy :)

The family that plays together, stays together :)

Our little family DEFINITELY shares the same hobbies/interests!

Yesterday, our beloved pup, Koda, became an Adirondack 46er (he can't officially be one, since he's a dog, haha, but he climbed all of New York's 46 highest mountains... which makes him a badass anyway!).

Some pictures:







That's two High Peak hikes for us in one week!

Continuing the tradition of our new little family being super active - embracing this life for all it's worth :)

Namaste, enjoy your weekend, use your body, nourish your spirit, open your heart <3

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Weight Loss and Menstruation

Weight is holding steady around 123. I like this. I think I am going to try to stay around 123... my menstrual cycles were getting a little too light and far apart at my lower weights, so I might need to carry just a few more pounds than 120-121 to keep a normal cycle. I do want to try to get pregnant this year (not in the next couple months as I get used to the new job, but in the fall... if it works out that way!) so I don't want to keep my body fat so low that my cycles are too light.

When I was obese, I had really awful, irregular cycles - would skip months, then stay for 2-3 weeks, and I felt awful (because of the extra weight AND the cramping, etc).

Since I got down to a "normal" BMI and had weights anywhere from 125-140, I had a really normal, predictable cycle, with minimal pain from cramping. It was like this for several years.

But in the past year, since I got down to my lowest weight of 118 for my wedding (then started to maintain around 120/121) and with all the stress of money/house/job/etc... things have been not as predictable and a little too light.

I do attribute a LOT of that to stress, but also think it wouldn't hurt if my body had a couple extra pounds (so I'd be around 123) to let my reproductive system know that I have the appropriate body to support a baby!

Still doing a lot of mental health work, being honest with myself, and learning that I need to view weight and my body for what they are - the tools for me to live in this world, to taste/see/touch/hear/smell all the wonderful things, to be with loved ones, etc. I don't need to be at my lowest weight ever to be attractive. I am strong and healthy right now and that is the goal!!

So, yep. Health is the goal. So is happiness :)

I want to find my body aesthetically pleasing, and I do. But I've learned that is NOT the most important thing. Most important is what my body can do!

I will be hiking up NY's 2nd highest mountain tomorrow (9 mile round trip) and 46ing Koda, if all goes well.

THAT is something I love that my body can do :)

Ok - off to work on the dissertation a little bit, then going to a free concert by the river!

Namaste <3

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Avoiding Overeating When Sick

I went to the doctor yesterday. She looked in my good ear first and then she looked in the one that I assumed was infected.

Her reaction? "Oh my God! You have a horrible infection!"

Haha! Lovely!

Ah, well, I'm on the proper medication now. I still feel pretty funky today, but I can tell the infection is starting to work it's way out. I definitely had stuff in my lungs and sinuses as well as my ears. Another lovely, huh?

So, other than running some errands yesterday, I did absolutely nothing with my body. I didn't take the dog on a walk, I didn't do yoga, I basically just laid in bed, with my head tilted to the side where I don't feel like I'm suffocating.

And I was having a hard time not overeating.

I was eating well, lots of healthy foods, fibrous foods, good protein, etc.

But the boredom! Also, the desire for pleasure because I was feeling so crappy. 

But I managed to get a grip on myself. I had to say out loud why I was feeling so hungry, and it had nothing to do with physical hunger. I made absolutely sure that my body had all the nourishment it needed and all the calories it needed to fight this infection, the hunger was in my head.

It's so hard to step out of the moment and get real with myself. Food would have only soothed me for little while and I would've ended up right back where I started, bored and feeling bad and looking for something.

So I drank lots of water, lots of seltzer (Chris got me the new Polar blueberry lemonade one I love so much!), and focused on resting. Read a book, watched Orphan Black with Chris (great show!)

Weighed in at 123.5 today.. That's great for me right now!

I think I'm going to try to take the dog on a walk today. My ear is still all stuffed up and I feel little off, but I think I'm on the mend. I'll give it a try and cut the walk short if I feel I need to.

Namaste :)

Monday, June 16, 2014

All the Things

So, a lot has been happening. 

I filled out the paperwork for my new job today. I start July 14, I'm pretty excited for the new challenge. 

So, the weekend? 

Awesome! 

I got to dress like this: 


And go to my area's first annual Renaissance Festival! It was small, because it was the first year, but it was super cute, and everyone did a really great job. The costumes were great and the vendors were talented artisans and the food was good and the performances were funny and entertaining. And my favorite, the joust, was excellent!!!


Yesterday, I went with Chris and the dog to the Adirondacks to climb Seymour mountain. Almost 14 miles round-trip, and one of the tougher, most rugged, steep trails in the area!! The last mile up to the summit is a lot of scrambling, muddy, slippery, rocky, using your whole body to support your weight and balance you, kind of hiking.

It was fun!!

Koda is now at 45/46 High Peaks and will soon be a 46er like Chris and I! :)

However, I have been battling a small cold since the middle of last week. The hike really pushed me over the edge, I never fully let myself rest, and I woke up this morning at 2 AM with an ear infection.

I've never had an ear infection before, and this was one of the most painful things I've experienced in a long time. I took ibuprofen and something with acetaminophen in it and had to wait a couple hours for it to kick in before I could fall back asleep. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon to hopefully get some antibiotics or something to kick this out of my system.

I have no idea what I weigh. I've been trying to eat moderate portions, but ate pulled pork at the Renaissance Festival and we ate calorie heavy foods for the hike (I needed the fuel... It was an insanely physically challenging hike. I was also up for most of the day. We woke up at 3 AM, got home about 7 PM and then stayed up to watch the game of thrones finale). So I just didn't weigh in today.

Having a very normal day, with my normal breakfast and a super healthy lunch:


Roasted chicken, beets, and yellow cauliflower.

Ok... Off to the doctors. Sorry about my inattentiveness to the blog and to my commenting. I'm still reading everyone's blog! But things are little crazy right now for me. Going to heal up and get back on track with my routines.

Namaste <3

Friday, June 13, 2014

Sodium, whoa

So I ate this last night:


Well! Not all of that! That was both Chris and I's dinner last night. I also had a little soup as an appetizer, just broth, because I'm feeling a little under the weather.

But, anyway, my weight jumped up 2 pounds in a day... Obviously, I don't usually eat rice, and I ate one and a half rolls of sushi with the rice last night. And I had soy sauce (holy salty, batman!). And, it is that time of the month for me.

So, no extra sodium for me today. Lots of water and clean eating.

Not going to do a ton of extra exercise today, though. I still am feeling a little bit funky.

I had a good day yesterday- accepted the job, found out my very good friend is going to be working in the same building as me, and I went out for some free live music in the city along with almost a dozen of my friends. It was a lot of fun. We saw Fitz and the Tantrums!

They had to move the venue to under the bridge, instead of the local amphitheater outside where it is usually held, because of the threat of rain. The sound was a little off, but it was still fun!


So that's that! Weight up, just as it has been going up and down for years! I used to have a range of 121 to 123. Not my range is more like 122 to 125. I'm okay with it, which is a huge step for me. I obviously try to keep it more towards 122, just so I don't keep raising this range and letting it getout of control. 125 is definitely my "scream weight" which I will not let myself go over because it could start that trend of me continuing to gain.

Back to life stuff!

Namaste.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Duh - eat real food!! (and life updates)

Love this article. If you want to be healthy, inside and out, give it a read:

What Causes Weight Gain

Real food: one or very few ingredients (and all the ingredients are pronounceable, understandable, known foods and NOT chemicals).

Real food: rarely comes in packaging (I guess things like meat, etc, necessary have to be wrapped up... but you know what I'm talking about!)

Real food: has normal colors.

Real food: isn't pumped full of antibiotics, pesticides, etc.

Real food: isn't genetically modified.

Real food: YOU KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.

Common sense, friends :)

In my life updates: weight holding steady at 122.8. I think I am going to accept a job I don't love, love, love, but the hours and the pay work into my life. And I just need something to pay the bills while I finish my dissertation and then I will start looking for the job of my dreams. This job doesn't start for a month, so I am going to buckle down hard on my dissertation till then (AND enjoy the summer!).

Namaste <3

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Interview, Jam

So, my phone interview turned into an in person interview! Continue sending me good vibes, I am very hopeful :)

Chris and I made strawberry rhubarb jam from scratch today. No pectin or anything added, just strawberries, rhubarb, maple syrup, a little vanilla extract, flax seeds and salt:


Delicious! I'm going to use it as a topping on bananas or my lactose-free cottage cheese and things like that. Since I don't eat bread, jam has to have other uses. :)

Tonight is breakfast for dinner night, one of my favorite types of dinner ever. Bacon, eggs and veggies!

Ok- off to try things to reduce anxiety about my interview tomorrow... Tea, petting the dog, etcetera :)

Namaste <3

Monday, June 9, 2014

Check in - weight/what's making me smile


First, I wanted to share something that makes me inordinately happy. My dog in hats:






Hehehehehehe :)

Seriously, it makes me laugh out loud every time I see these pictures.

Anyway!

Had a great, super healthy day yesterday. Had lots of vegetables and lean protein and berries and good stuff. Went on a bike ride and painted the porch and walked to my friends house to watch Game of Thrones.

Resulted in a great Monday weigh in: 122.8 :) being around 122-123 is really ideal for me right now, I feel healthy and strong here!

Not much else to say right now- I have a phone preinterview tomorrow for a job I'd really love to get, but I've no idea how much it pays, I'll find out tomorrow. Have another interviewbon Thursday. Send me good vibes!!!

Namaste <3

Friday, June 6, 2014

No Grains No Gains: Travelling/Vacationing While Eating Paleo

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NO GRAINS, NO GAINS: A GROUP A OF PRIMAL/PALEO/GRAIN FREE WOMEN WHO BLOG ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES/LIFE/BENEFITS WITHOUT GRAINS. A GREAT WAY FOR OTHERS (WHO MAY BE WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT, REVERSE AN ACUTE/CHRONIC HEALTH TREND, AND/OR TRANSITION FROM COMMERCIAL WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAMS) TO READ ABOUT REAL LIFE WOMEN WHO ARE LIVING THE LIFE AND SUCCEEDING!

This month's topic for No Grains, No Gains is how one can eat primal/paleo while traveling or on vacation!

I've definitely traveled quite a bit since switching to a Paleo diet over two years ago: lots of small weekend trips (to places like Providence, various areas in the Adirondacks, Brooklyn, etc) and two big trips (one to British Columbia and one to Japan).

For smaller trips (over the weekend, for an overnight or two), I pre-pack food! I set myself up to make sure there is no reason I will ever be stuck somewhere lamenting there are no good grain-free options to eat. I will roast chicken and sweet potatoes, bring packets of tuna, portion out nuts, etc... throw it all in a small cooler and voila! I have options for snacks and even a meal if I so need it.

Also, if there is ANY PLACE to buy food, you CAN make a good decision.

Rest stop on a highway? I'll buy a banana and a packet of unsalted almonds.

Local grocery store? I'll do the salad bar or do a pre-packaged salad.

Restaurant? Well, we all know it is possible to make good choices in a restaurant - you just have to want to.

For bigger trips, one to two week long trips that require a plane trip, I don't really pack much food. I want to tell you I am a perfect paleo traveler and never go off plan no matter what.... but that's just plain not true :)

So, for my two big trips since going paleo, Chris and I went into it with a game plan. We would eat paleo MOST of the time (in normal life, we try to be 95% paleo, on a big vacation, we aim for over 75% paleo). We would save our "off plan" times for special dinners out, etc.

But I would use the same strategies the rest of the time - buy Lara bars and nuts and pre-cut veggies and apples and oranges and bananas at a local grocery store/convenience store. Make good decisions overall so that we could relax and enjoy the local food at dinner (because you would be hard pressed to go out to dinner in Japan and find a meal that doesn't include rice, noodles, and lots of gluten-y sauces!).

We also did NOT make food the focus of any of our trips. Sure, we tasted the local cuisine, drank local craft beers in Vancouver, did a sake tasting in Kyoto. We bought odd little treats in Tokyo just to see what people over there considered delicious! BUT - our trips were sight-seeing and adventure focused. 

British Columbia: we went on several hikes, went whale watching, WALKED all around Vancouver to the different museums, did a three day camping trip, etc.

Japan: we went on a bike ride through the Kibi Plains, hiked a mountain, saw the Japanese macaques in Nagano, etc.

We focused on what we think is overall important in life - and it is not food. Food was fuel to us on our vacations, just like at home. Food was a way to get us up those mountains and through the cities. And when food is fuel, it is so much easier to buy that banana at the convenience store instead of a sugary treat. It's easy not to indulge, because food isn't the goal!

We went on vacation to see the world. And we packed almost every hour of the day FULL of seeing/doing things. We were really active (neither of us gained weight on our vacations).

So my advice?

Take your view on life in NORMAL life on vacation with you!!

If you've gotten to the point that food is fuel (and yes, you CAN enjoy that fuel - I think taste is a sense for humans for a reason and there is no point to eat things you hate... but make sure those things that taste good are also good for your body!)... then go on vacation with that mindset. Use food to help you enjoy the beautiful beaches or the majestic mountaintop. Use food to help you have enough energy to enjoy the sights and sounds of a new city.

But vacation is still life, and eating a lot of things that inflame and poison your body will affect you in the long run.


Other members of No Grains, No Gains:

Gwen http://againstthegrain.us/
Lynda http://achangeoflife.blogspot.com/
Leigh http://poonapalooza.blogspot.com/
Karen http://gardengirlkp.blogspot.com/

Go check out how their travelling works around a paleo or primal lifestyle!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

"Dirtiest" Foods of 2014

The "Dirty Dozen" changes from year to year, depending on agriculture practices and other varied reasons. And you all know that I think reducing the amount of pesticides, chemicals, hormones and antibiotics we consume will GREATLY improve our overall health and reduce our risk of cancer/other disease.

So I wanted to share the updated list with you:

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5246989

Chris and Koda left yesterday for three or four day backpacking/camping trip. I don't really love the whole rugged camping thing, I CAN do it and will do it when I really want to climb a mountain or do a hike that requires camping, but I don't do it just all the time for fun, hahaha. So I let them go and have their boys weekend.

But it's weird not having them here! But Chris travels a lot, so I get a little used to it. However I am not used at all to not having Koda here!! I miss hugging his sleepy self in the morning!

I also miss our daily walks- it's an hour of the day that really makes me happy. I get to spend time with my dog, enjoy the fresh air, and listen to my book on tape!

So yesterday I decided to still take an hour to get outside and listen to my book, and I went on a bike ride! It was fun and a nice change of pace- will be doing that again today.

I also went to a friends house for a little gathering and have some wine (and drink some of their homemade dandelion wine!).

Still 122.4 today :)

Ok- off to grocery shop!

Namaste <3

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Does Gluten Intolerance Exist? Does It Matter?

If reducing gluten or eliminating gluten makes your body feel better and work better? Do it. This is about your body and your health and all the studies in the world can't tell you when you feel your best. You know that.

http://touch.organicauthority.com/organicauthority/#!/entry/gluten-intolerance-hype-or-real-health-concern,538d80e7025312186c10de48

There's been a lot of back and forth, contradictory research concerning gluten.

I don't care about any of it!

All I know is that when I completely remove gluten (or at least 95%) from my life, my weight is stable, I don't get rashes, I have a lot of energy, and I feel generally well. That cannot be said when I have gluten in my diet.

I don't need to study to tell me it's all in my head when I physically feel better.

My point? Most of us are intelligence and common sensical adults - we know the difference between food that is good for bodies (veggies, fruits, seeds, nuts, lean proteins) and food that is bad for bodies (processed sugar, things made of chemicals, things fried and dripping with grease, etc.). So make your choices of what to eat from the good food list, and if your body feels healthy and the doctor says you're healthy and you're happy? Don't worry about all those studies.

Remember the great egg debate? Eggs are good for you! Eggs are awful for you! Egg whites are good for you! Blood pressure! Cholesterol! Eat eggs!!

Eh.

I'm sure new studies will come out you're to say anymore about gluten, and I won't bother with them either :)

In life news, things are looking a little bit up. I have three interviews scheduled for a job. Other things seem to be falling into place. I'm a little hopeful but a little scared to be hopeful.. I don't wanted to come crashing down around me again, as life seems to do! But, as I've been saying all along, even when I've been sad about this, I will stay proactive.

Also, the dancing seems to have paid off and set me on a downward trend. I weighed in at 122.4 this morning :) might also be a result of the fact that I'm letting some stress go. But it feels good to be back in the range I like!

Namaste <3

The Liberation of a Party

Life stuff still kind of stinks - so I did something I haven't done in a loooong time. I went out and danced as hard as I possibly could!!

I have a lot of frustrations and negative feelings. Things have been building and building and I've been feeling stuck and trapped and totally down.

I knew Skrillex and other DJs were coming to a local venue (the Armory) and some good friends of mine were going. Last minute, I said "to hell" with financial worries for the moment and we bought tickets. Sooo glad I did!!

What a great release!

Five hours of music (most of which was really good, though the first DJ set, Milo and Otis, wasn't my cup of tea - the majority of it was super entertaining and gripping). Five hours of sweaty dancing. Five hours of  being with Chris and my friends, carefree and grinning.

It's the most natural thing in the world to move your body to music. And it's a great reminder of how connected I've gotten to my body in the past few years. I used to never dance. I used to be really self-conscious when I danced. But now? I like my body. I like how my body can move. I love letting a DJ make some beats and drive the way I dance. I like dancing with a big crowd of people!

I was just another half-naked sweaty human dancing in a crowd of other half-naked sweaty humans. It was nice to not feel out of place! It was nice to be in the moment. It was nice to be lost for a while.




Of course, I still have all the problems I had BEFORE the show, but I feel a little looser, a little easier, a little more relaxed. It was a much needed reprieve.

And I think the release, the relaxation, the reprieve stems from the fact that I felt young and free in that way that the world still has endless possibilities. Being able to move my body, trust my body, not be ashamed of my body, that's all a big part of that.

Onward to today (up and at them early - 9 AM - for having been out till about 1:30 last night! but I am feeling energized!).

Oh yeah, the dancing sweated me down to 123 today, hahha, might not last, but I plan to eat clean and stay active today, so maybe this is the start of getting back to the range I like?

Ok - life calls.

Namaste <3

Monday, June 2, 2014

Same Old, Same Old (except for a 17 mile hike!)

Sorry I've been a little MIA the past few days - I've been insanely stressed/anxious about this unemployment thing. I actually disconnected from the internet at large in a few big ways over the weekend and tried to focus on taking care of myself and applying to jobs.

Weight is not changing - though I'd like to see it get back down to around 122, I think my constant level of stress is messing with my physiology, still hanging around 124. I am working on it - staying active, eating whole and clean foods, etc.

I went on a HUGE hike over the weekend - and I am still a little swollen and stiff from it. We hiked the tallest mountain in New York State, Mt. Marcy.

Chris actually camped overnight with friends a few miles into the woods, but I drove up early Saturday and met them at 7 AM (which meant I had to wake up at 3 AM to do so!) with Koda. Because of my extra morning miles, the hike clocked in at over 17 miles. It was a little much, in retrospect, as I am still sore the Monday after!

But!

I wouldn't trade that hike for anything. The summit was stunning, the weather was great (not cold but not hot - perfect for hiking) and we didn't get attacked by bugs. Some pictures, though they can't do the summit justice. It is really one of the most breathtaking places I've ever been:

Approaching the summit!

Looking towards another awesome mountain, Haystack



Favorite picture of the day :)

The clouds made the valleys GORGEOUS

The friends I went hiking with (who camped overnight)

The little lake in the left hand bottom corner is Lake Tear of the Clouds - the start of the Hudson River!

So.. chugging onward, of course. There is nothing else to be done, yeah? More job searching, dog walking, dentist appointment (AUGH), etc.

Will try to be a better blogger and comment-er this week!

Namsate <3