Weight is holding steady around 123. I like this. I think I am going to try to stay around 123... my menstrual cycles were getting a little too light and far apart at my lower weights, so I might need to carry just a few more pounds than 120-121 to keep a normal cycle. I do want to try to get pregnant this year (not in the next couple months as I get used to the new job, but in the fall... if it works out that way!) so I don't want to keep my body fat so low that my cycles are too light.
When I was obese, I had really awful, irregular cycles - would skip months, then stay for 2-3 weeks, and I felt awful (because of the extra weight AND the cramping, etc).
Since I got down to a "normal" BMI and had weights anywhere from 125-140, I had a really normal, predictable cycle, with minimal pain from cramping. It was like this for several years.
But in the past year, since I got down to my lowest weight of 118 for my wedding (then started to maintain around 120/121) and with all the stress of money/house/job/etc... things have been not as predictable and a little too light.
I do attribute a LOT of that to stress, but also think it wouldn't hurt if my body had a couple extra pounds (so I'd be around 123) to let my reproductive system know that I have the appropriate body to support a baby!
Still doing a lot of mental health work, being honest with myself, and learning that I need to view weight and my body for what they are - the tools for me to live in this world, to taste/see/touch/hear/smell all the wonderful things, to be with loved ones, etc. I don't need to be at my lowest weight ever to be attractive. I am strong and healthy right now and that is the goal!!
So, yep. Health is the goal. So is happiness :)
I want to find my body aesthetically pleasing, and I do. But I've learned that is NOT the most important thing. Most important is what my body can do!
I will be hiking up NY's 2nd highest mountain tomorrow (9 mile round trip) and 46ing Koda, if all goes well.
THAT is something I love that my body can do :)
Ok - off to work on the dissertation a little bit, then going to a free concert by the river!