Monday, January 21, 2013

Social anxieties

The weekend was so completely AWESOME and so completely "meh" at the same time. Saturday was so much fun, the going away party for our friend was great, the drive down to the city was no problem, and I didn't want the night to end! However, I did overdo it on drinks and kind of made Chris' ride back to Albany.... not so fun.

Sunday, I was hungover, for sure. Didn't do.... anything, really. Seriously, not a thing. I feel like a slug about it. Also, felt a little sad because a bunch of our friends got together and had an evening hang out and we weren't invited. Usually, we all hang out on Sundays together. Not sure what that was about. Chris said not to worry about it, but I am a huge weirdo who has had a lot of trouble making friends in the past.... so I do get kind of socially anxious about stuff like that.

It was a weird juxtaposition after a Saturday night full of great friends and laughter and nice times. I felt.... lonely on Sunday.

I still feel weird today.

A little down.

I am nervous because usually Chris gets to be local for the winter, so I get a good four months with him home. His boss said that's not happening this year....... an entire year of only seeing him two days a week? It makes me want to break down, freak out, cry hard. I feel strangled by it.


I wish life was... simpler.

Finding that happiness in this world that seems so newly scary, dark, difficult and full of negative energy is hard. Too hard.

I'll keep working on it.

In other news, I'm still at 127 lbs. Holding steady.

Trying to hold on.

Namaste out there.

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