Monday, January 28, 2013

Chocolate, big fall while skiing

Two main topics I wanted to get out onto my blog today.

The first, chocolate. Norma asked, in my comments, why I had chocolate in the house to use as comfort food. That, if it weren't there, I wouldn't have had the option to turn to it when I was sad/stressed/etc. Totally logical and sane question. It makes total sense.

And my answer doesn't make any logical sense!

Most of the food I keep in my house is not snack-worth, not binge-worthy, not comfort-worthy. To the point that when Chris or I are feeling munchie, we wander around, complaining that there is nothing appealing to eat and end up either waiting to the next meal or making a salad or cooking up a quick chicken sausage or something.

But chocolate?

Once I finished my Whole30 and wasn't strict about the paleo, I totally brought chocolate RIGHT back. I could live without cheese, without peanut butter, without legumes, without a LOT of things. But chocolate, I didn't hesitate for a second in bringing back. And shouldn't that be a huge sign it is definitely something I should not have brought back? Yeah.

I'm not always strong, though.

It's not out of control, but it is an unnecessary treat I have a lot. We buy about two chocolate bars a week (making it okay in our heads by buying the expensive, 90% cacao, organic stuff) and have them for dessert or a snack. I never really thought about it. I enjoyed it. It wasn't a big deal. Not till last week, when I was really sad and I took a couple squares up into my bedroom and ate it while watching junk TV to calm down. Not a great use of food.

Norma totally got right to the point: why is it there?

And I struggle with making the decision not to have it around anymore (though currently there is not any around, haha). I know logically a woman can live without chocolate and that extra sugar. I'd probably feel a little better and weigh a little less if I didn't eat chocolate.  But the illogical part of me is screaming: but you love it! it tastes so good! can't you enjoy anything you eat?! it's just a little treat!!!!!!! ... all sentences that, when written down, indicate to me I really, really shouldn't have it around. Yikes.

So, yep, it's a struggle. Not perfect. Going to keep thinking about this definite weakness of mine. Not going to buy a chocolate bar this week, as a start.

But, for topic two, a little shorter and a lot less sweet: I had a pretty big fall while skiing yesterday that shook my confidence! We went to my favorite mountain again, Gore Mountain in the Adirondacks.

All day, we were skiing with some friends of ours who are awesome skiers. They definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me work real hard all day on technique to ride harder trails. And, boy, did I ever! I rode black diamond trails 90% of the day. I actually skied a DOUBLE black diamond trail, Lies for those of you familiar with Gore (Wikipedia says: These trails are even more difficult than Black Diamond, due to exceptionally steep slopes and other hazards such as narrow trails, exposure to wind, and the presence of obstacles such as steep drop-offs or trees. They are intended only for the most experienced skiers.) Green is easy, blue is intermediate, and black is advanced. And I skied that double black trail TWICE.

I didn't fall on the double black diamond, oddly enough.

Midday, we tried a new black diamond trail, one that is known for being pretty gnarly but my friends skied it the day before and assured me it was groomed and easier than usual to ski.

WRONG. It was super steep, super icy, with lots of exposed rocks and stuff. I was okay till I came upon an icy lip that had hard packed snow and ice for about 50 feet after it. Nothing to grip to. And me, without the experience or confidence to shoot down over that lip. BUT, I knew I had to try, so I took a deep breath and tried my best.

And fell. And fell. And kept falling. It was so steep and slick, there was no stopping me once I fell. I slid about 100 feet down the trail, a little dazed. Someone, a better skier, collected my skis and brought them to me, and then skied on. And then I fell some more. Eventually, Chris, who knew it was going to be a tough section for me, got off his snowboard and literally CAUGHT me, stopping me from sliding down the trail more. I ended up about 150-200 feet from where I initially fell. Next to me, where I stopped, was a man who had also fallen like me and was bleeding from the mouth!!! Scary. As I got myself together, another man fell up on that lip, as well. Scary, scary stuff. We reported that trail as too dangerous to be open. There was just no snow on it!

Anyway, totally shaken up, but I got my skis back on and finished the trail (still had a huge steep section to get down and I didn't want to fall down THAT, too, so I tried and succeeded to ski it).

I was a little more hesitant the rest of the day, but definitely learned some lessons.

I am SUPER sore today, from working so hard and from falling yesterday. I slept for about 11 hours!

Going to go get breakfast ready and wait for the painters to get here :)



  1. Glad you weren't seriously hurt. :)

  2. Whoa, that fall sounds pretty intense. Glad you are okay.

    Maybe not buying the chocolate for a few weeks will help you further emotionally disconnect from it as a 'treat' or a 'reward.' I simply can't have chocolate in the house. I will binge on it. There is no ONE square for me. But I think you are further along in the food healing process than I am. I still feel very vulnerable around trigger foods. A chocolate bar, even a good 90% one will still send me on a tale spin.

  3. You know, Jeanette, that it's not the actual food you turned to that is the problem -- it's that you turned to food. One day over the summer I was stressed about some little life stuff, thinking a lot about my two friends who'd just passed away, and I found my hand in the fruit bowl twice, taking peaches and eating them. Now you and I know that there is NOTHING WRONG with eating TWO PEACHES in a day and most people put away two slices of PEACH PIE with nary a worry...but as I finished the second one and found myself thinking about what I could eat next, I realized I was stress eating and I had to stop. No different than if I'd gone to the liquor cabinet and poured myself a shot of tequila, popped a Xanax, or gone outside for a cigarette, if those were my habitual ways of dealing with stress (and anxiety is a real, legitimate, physical thing and I'm not dissing anyone who takes prescription anxiolitics for a diagnosed disorder, but obviously many people abuse them, over use them, obtain them illicitly, and use them to escape rather than deal). I seriously do not think you would have gone and binged on sweet potatoes was there no chocolate at might have gone for booze...I'd still say the same thing about using a substance or habit to avoid the real issue. It is a lesson we all have to learn over and over again, forever. You are honestly doing so well for where you are, all that has happened to you in the last year, and all that you've got going on. Your efforts to honor your dad's memory through your health, to create a happy home for you & your fiance, all that you do -- total testimony to the fact that you ROCK!