There's been an article and discussion circulating on a number of blogs the past day about weight-weight loss-romantic partners and how that all interacts. It's mostly about "mixed weight" couples (which I think is a very weirdly politically correct term... it's not exactly the same as mixed-race, you know? Eh, whatever!). - later in this post I will mention how freaking HORRIBLE the things were that the man said to the woman, ugh.
Well, anyway, I wanted to talk about MY partner and how integral he has been to my health and fitness.
We have both been obese in our pasts, for a significant period of time. We actually met for the first time when we were both heavy at school but it was when we re-met a few years later at work that a friendship blossomed (which obviously turned into a romance in time :D ).
I really, really like that we both lost weight and got fit on our own. It means that it is a priority to BOTH of us. That matters. There is no one person in the relationship to who it matters more. There are only times when either he or I is struggling with it more.
I had my struggle with it a couple of years ago, putting on weight, not exercising, getting generally depressed. He had a hard time knowing what to do for me. We definitely argued. Definitely had some difficult months revolving around it (because a sudden weight gain isn't JUST about health for me... it's usually because of an emotional trouble). What he eventually did was just be a healthy, strong example to me. He kept going to the gym even though I said no, kept doing yoga, kept going on hikes, etc. In my time, I started to join him and got back on track.
Right now, it is his struggle. My dad's death and how it changed our lives and the following holiday season was hard (for both of us, of course). Chris put on a few pounds and was no longer at his lowest weight and didn't feel his best. To me, he looks awesome. He is strong and proportionate and generally well built :) Even at the party we went to last week, a friend of ours mentioned to me how good she thought Chris looked, how fit!
But that doesn't mean he feels his best, of course. And I just want to do for him what he did for me: be a good example. He actually downloaded the app I use on my phone for tracking food (I've been using this for a year and a half and love it still, use it daily).
He definitely excels with exercise. He has been active non-stop for a LOOOOONG time. And I definitely excel with food, nutrition, etc. Especially with the help of a tracker, I don't put on weight unless I pretty purposely give up.
We are both into this and strong in different ways.
Just one of the million reasons why I am marrying him and want him around forever :)
It is so important for both partners to be in it together. I think that's why, in the article, they documented some pretty awful fights and cruel words. Now, as I said, Chris and I have argued about health before - how to exercise, how to eat, etc. It took us some growing pains to learn how to do it best IN the relationship and not just on our own.
He has NEVER said anything even close to what the article mentioned (eg. "I guess you are just one of those people who look better with clothes on"). He is my partner, the man who loves me. He has never denigrated my body. No matter what weight I was (and he's been with me through a 25 pound span!) he told me I was beautiful. The worst he has ever said was when I lost weight after the fact and telling me that I look "so much better" hahahaha... I became *that girl* and started asking if he was repulsed by me before, which of course he wasn't. Poor guy.
I think it is disgusting that someone who has promised to love you forever could say cruel things about your body. For one, it doesn't help ANYTHING, only makes the receiver feel more like crap. And for another, that should be the one person in the world who loves and supports and cares about it. It's weird to me that the article has to give helpful suggestions about how to talk to your mate about weight, like making it all about their health and longevity and not about their appearance. To me, this is a no brainer. Of course, Chris and I like looking good for each other and that is super important. But this is for life, our lives, our life together.
Just approach your partner how YOU would want to be treated. If you're being cruel, or someone is being cruel to you, you need to address that, it's not right.
Well, I have a lot to say this morning. Haha :)
Going to go make breakfast: eggs and veggies cooked in the cast iron skillet and then walk the dog while listening to Jillian Michaels' podcast!