Saturday, January 26, 2013

Food as comfort

It was a tough night last night.

A big, gross mix of stress, anxiety, Chris having been gone all week, the house being ripped apart, miscommunications, etc, etc.

Didn't turn out well for me or Chris, and I had a pretty sad night.

I couldn't calm down and fall asleep and it was getting pretty late. I just wanted to calm down. I ate two square of one of those big chocolate bars, eventually watched bad TV and fell asleep.

I know two squares of chocolate isn't the worst thing in the world to have consumed. I just think it is stupid that that is what I can turn to for comfort.

Just a little bit of a narrative of how food rules my mind. I don't binge anymore, I don't eat outrageous portions, I don't eat junk food, none of it. And still, to calm down from a hard night, I do go to food. Inanimate food.

This stuff is embedded so deep into our consciousness in this culture. I wonder where the turning point was that the first human was turning to food for comfort... when they had enough of an abundance of really delicious food that it was a better option to eat than to seek out a fellow human for comfort? Was it a looooong time ago, thousands of years ago, or is this completely a construct of this kind of screwed up society that we live in?


I really hope I can turn this around and have a lovely weekend and not get stuck in this place.

1 comment:

  1. Why is there chocolate in the house, Jeanette (honest question, not being snide)? As you said, the problem isn't the two squares you ate, but the fact that you turned to food for comfort. But if there hadn't been any chocolate (or other 'comfort food') in the house to numb your feelings, what would you have done? I don't think you'd have gotten dressed, gotten in your car on a sub-zero night and driven to a store to get some. I don't think you'd soothe yourself with a pile of spinach and a steak. You would have had to work it out on your own.

    And this is why there is nothing of the sort in my house, so I don't have the option, even it is only two squares. Just something to think about.