It was a tough night last night.
A big, gross mix of stress, anxiety, Chris having been gone all week, the house being ripped apart, miscommunications, etc, etc.
Didn't turn out well for me or Chris, and I had a pretty sad night.
I couldn't calm down and fall asleep and it was getting pretty late. I just wanted to calm down. I ate two square of one of those big chocolate bars, eventually watched bad TV and fell asleep.
I know two squares of chocolate isn't the worst thing in the world to have consumed. I just think it is stupid that that is what I can turn to for comfort.
Just a little bit of a narrative of how food rules my mind. I don't binge anymore, I don't eat outrageous portions, I don't eat junk food, none of it. And still, to calm down from a hard night, I do go to food. Inanimate food.
This stuff is embedded so deep into our consciousness in this culture. I wonder where the turning point was that the first human was turning to food for comfort... when they had enough of an abundance of really delicious food that it was a better option to eat than to seek out a fellow human for comfort? Was it a looooong time ago, thousands of years ago, or is this completely a construct of this kind of screwed up society that we live in?
I really hope I can turn this around and have a lovely weekend and not get stuck in this place.