It was so freeing to stop tracking my food and calorie counting that it became attractive to let the daily weigh ins slide a little too. I still want to weigh in regularly, but I do recognize that every single day perhaps isn't necessary.
I've been letting go of a lot of my obsessions, my disordered thoughts, etc. I've stopped incessantly talking to Chris about my weight and what I've eaten. My attitude toward my body has been much more accepting. I've been so much more free than I have in years.
I didn't weigh in yesterday. I woke up, decided it wouldn't matter what I weighed that day, I'd still behave just the same- same activity, same paleo food. If the number on the scale wouldn't change my behavior or attitude, I didn't need to know it!
But, I do believe checking in with the scale every once in a while is a really great way to keep a stable weight, so I did weigh myself this morning.
Been a long few weeks since I've seen 121!
But, still, seeing that lower weight isn't going to change what I'm going to do today. I'm still going for a bike ride (Koda and Chris are off on a crazy hiking adventure I didn't want to go on), still going to eat my veggies and proteins and keep my food clean/whole/paleo.
And, though I really did like seeing the lower weight, I don't feel any differently about my body than I did yesterday. Still really like it :)
Getting a little therapy and reading a few books and making a concerted effort to change my ways of thinking has paid off!
As far as food, exercise, body image, and wheat go, I am so much more relaxed. I've learned to trust myself that this way of living, being active and eating well and finding true moderation and balance, IS how I really want to live. I don't have to obsessively monitor myself to make sure I live that way. I truly believe it's the right way to live and so I do it without second thought.
It's been a long road from obesity to being thin (without health) to finding true physical health to, now ten years after, finding mental health.
It really is a process, a lifelong task. No quick fixes, just hard work and falling down a lot along the way.
But somehow I ended up where I thought I could never be when I started this all 10 years ago, trying to lose weight: a healthy human being, outside AND inside. It is normal and natural now. I live this way even if no one, not even me, is monitoring the situation!!
And I think it will take a lifetime of work and self introspection to make sure it stays this way. I don't want to lose this physical and mental health I've found. I won't get lax but it is no longer an obsession <3