Officially 25 lbs down..

From a year and a month ago.

Crazy!

My initial weight loss from being an obese person was from about 200 (just under, getting close to 200.. within a pound, really... was my huge wake up call) to 140. So 60 pounds and I was pretty much "normal"... I would sometimes get down to 135ish, depending on how health focused I was.

But, now, here I am from my high last year of 147 to weighing in at 122.

I was sad and depressed last year. I am sad and depressed this year. The reasons why are wildly different. My depression last year was all mental, self-created, and caught in this vicious cycle of hating my body, lacking energy because of my weight, etc, etc. This year: it's outside forces, my dad's death. I would actually say that the day before I found my dad, I was just about the happiest I had ever been... so excited about life, so positive, so focused! I was already at 125 pounds because of changing how I thought about my body, about food.

But, then... well, life happened. I am struggling with my grief and with this change in life and with all my new responsibilities that I certainly don't want.

But... I am healthy. I love my body right now. I feel INSANE to love my body right now, because everything else in life feels so awful... and here I am, looking in the mirror and loving what I see.

I wouldn't change it, though.

I can't imagine what this time in my life would be like if I was heavier and depressed about my weight and lacking energy from being too heavy, and overeating, and eating the wrong things, and self-conscious, etc. If I was at the place I was last year and my dad had died.... I don't know that I would be handling it so well.

I'm eating good, healthy food... it's giving me energy to get through this. My body is light and strong... it gives me energy to get through this. I feel proud of myself, I like myself so much more... it gives me energy to get through this.

I would do anything to have my dad back... but that isn't going to happen. So I will sit here and be grateful that I am here and that I can get through this.