Wednesday, October 17, 2012

121/Life Decisions

Ooookay, so my weight continues to decrease... about every three days, I am seeing a half pound loss on the scale, so a little over a pound a week at this point.

Down to 121 this morning. I am slightly worried about it (at the same time as being ecstatic I might actually see 120 in my lifetime, I never thought I would see what my body looked like at my "ideal" weight). But... I also don't get it. I get that I am stressed and grieving and kind of crazy right now...

But I am eating. I am eating about 80 - 85 % paleo and 90 % healthy (haha, I am definitely indulging in some alcohol and candy). So not eating the best I've ever eaten, but not terrible either. I eat 3 meals a day and a snack or two. Also I have had no gym time/work outs/running/etc AT ALL. No planned, heart rate-high, muscles working work outs. I walk the dog about 3 - 4 miles a day and do house stuff.

So why is my weight dropping? Is stress seriously enough to cause weight to drop even if lifestyle isn't conducive to weight loss? Am I losing a TON of muscle??? (God, that would suck)

Well, anyway, I am going to keep an eye on my weight... make sure it starts holding steady. I would love to stay at/around this weight. I would like to not gain anything back, so that means I do have to be mindful about food/exercise... I also do not want to continue to lose weight without trying, because that's actually kind of scary when I am at my lowest weight (I imagine the last time I was 121, I was in 7th or 8th grade). I've had to STRUGGLE to get a pound off when I was 160/150/140... but now that I am in the 120s, I just keep losing? How much muscle could I possibly lose (it's not like I was hugely jacked in the first place)?

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for being lighter.... but it's weird for my body to be doing this.

Anyway, that's the health portion of my life.

Last night, I had a meeting with my graduate student advisor. He helped me out a lot. Got me to see it's okay to chill out and not plan the rest of my life right now. He made me realize it is okay if I am unemployed this winter... that I should use that time to finish my dissertation. He got me to apply to teach a course or two at the university. I am making strides. I am trying to do what is good for my life. I think getting my PhD and getting teaching experience would be great for me. I don't have to have my career set in stone this winter... I need to stop stressing.

I didn't mention it, but Chris is traveling this week. All the responsibility of the dog and the house is on me (ayiyiyi). I am doing okay... getting up early, walking the dog, coming home quickly, walking the dog, doing what I got to do, walking the dog, sleep... repeat. Hahaha.

I actually have an appointment with a local vet's office today to meet with a trainer. I am thinking of putting him into a daycare that specializes in socialization and behavior training twice a week... just so that he's not sitting at home for 8 hours while I work and his brain and body will be engaged. He deserves a nice life, too.

Alright: there's my life and stress and crazy in a nutshell.

Still reading all your blogs, even if I am not commenting all the time. It's a nice stress reliever for me :) Keep it up and keep being pretty :)


  1. It sounds like you're making some good plans and are starting to get into a groove. Hang in there sweetie!

  2. Hey Jeanette, Still here reading every word and keeping you close in my thoughts. It's been, and still is, a lot for someone as young as you to process and work through. I'm certainly no doctor or nutritionist, but have a theory about the continuing weight loss thing. Could be totally off base, but think about it. Stress and anxiety do odd things to the mind as well as the body. Your mind is so fried right now and rattling in so many directions, you may THINK you are eating more than you actually are. You know you are eating and seem to have a handle on when you are making good choices, yet the moment you begin the physical act of food to mouth, is it possible you are simply eating one or two small bites of those things rather than the normal portions you ate before all this started. And all of that would be subconsciously because your mind is occupied with so many things OTHER than eating. Like I said, just a thought, but if that's the case, overall it would result in less calories consumed and thus, continuing weight loss. Hang in there. As someone way old enough to be your mother, I am proud of you for working through this step by step and giving it time. Patience, my friend, patience!