The title of my blog as a whole is "For Life" for a reason. It is helping me now.
This all (weight loss, fitness, mental health, finding energy, etc) is for life... In both senses. I didn't realize the double meaning for all these months (silly me!).
This is forever and for the ability to truly live.
Cleaning out my dad's house, my first priority is to get rid of everything that kept him unhealthy and to keep everything that shows how full of life he was.
Out goes the bad food, the tons of medicine, the couch he sat on for the majority of the last few years. Out, out, out.
I keep getting stuck in a "what's the point!?!?" loop... But have to rationalize myself out of it. THIS is the point... Being here, feeling things.
"Life isn't something you possess, its something that you take part in, and you witness." - Louis CK
I am lucky to be here experiencing this life. I am sad my dad isn't anymore, so sad it nearly wrecks me at times. But that's the point. We are living and feeling and doing this.
I am going to continue doing this, all of this. Feeling every horrible and wonderful thing, seeing and doing and being. Unhealthiness has no part in that.
I won't do anything to shorten my time here. I hope none of you do, either.
My soon to be sister in law sent me this quote, and I am sure it applies to all of you out there too:
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
I will stay out of those depths I feel trying to suck me in. I will come out of this with more love and compassion.
I also will come out of this knowing how sweet it all is, even the despair because I am here.