Normalcy?

Definitely haven't created a new normal yet. But I can see it off in the distance somewhere.

If I wake up at 630, I can walk the dog and make breakfast for myself by 8. Chris has been doing the dog walking so far, but he will be traveling next week, so I just need to shower at night and then I can sub in dog walking for showering in the morning, haha.

We make ourselves an egg breakfast in the morning. If I am rushed, I can do a coconut milk yogurt and turkey bacon or something. I kiss the cat, hug the dog, grab my things and I am out for the morning.

Back to the house for lunch, driving to the house and back downtown to work means I don't actually have a lot of time AT the house, just enough to let the dog out, eat a quick lunch while watching 10 minutes of What Not to Wear (haha), grab anything else I might need and I am out for the afternoon.

Then the evening are where we definitely have no routine. We are still moving in. Still doing legal things. Still all crazy, crazy.

And we are still trying to participate in life. Last night was a birthday get together for one of our friends. I definitely wanted to go because he has been so good to us during this hard time (he came over for a whole evening to help rip out carpet). So we did two hours of packing up the kitchen, brought it home, let the dog out, and out to the German biergarten.

So tired. Woke up and am doing it all over again (hopefully with no going out tonight!!!!!).

Still sad... sometimes I just cry at work or in the car or where ever. I miss my dad. I am sick to think I won't get any more of his stupid joke emails or hear him tell another lame story again. He was so silly. He just wanted to enjoy the small things in life and have a nice time. I am insanely depressed when I think he won't be at my wedding and won't see his grandchildren (ohhhhh he wanted grandchildren SO badly... he would have treated them so well).

I about want to fucking scream when I think I DON'T HAVE ANY PARENTS.

I feel so young and scared sometimes. :(

But, still... holding on. Doing the day to day. Trying to see all the love and beauty that does still exist in this world and not focus on what's not here anymore. Trying, trying, trying.