My dad is with my mom now, we buried him next to her and I feel some sense of peace for it.
The sun came out the moment they laid the casket down at the grave.
I miss him. I miss her. I am going to live in their house and celebrate their memory and thank them for this life.
I made it through the eulogy, I was emotional and I stopped to breathe a few times, but I said the words and made people remember my dad full of life and love and kindness and strength. It is all that I wanted.
I am taking care. My weight isn't going up or down. I am not eating paleo, I eat the best choice of what is there in front of me, because I need to eat but these few days... there is no effort in getting food. If someone gives me a turkey sandwich, I eat it.
I am not overeating or being destructive. I will not defile my dad's memory by hurting myself during grieving for him. He was unhealthy, ate poorly and too much, as well as smoked. I will learn the lessons left by him. I will try not to cut my life short. I overate after my mom's death... it didn't help, it only dulled the pain for years and then I had to relive it all over again. Not this time.
I want to take this life and grab it with both hands and scream and cry and laugh and live.
These next few days, with legal things and probate court and the DMV and the bank and the blah blah blah. It's going to suck. Moving into a new house.... going to suck. But I just need to get through it. I just need to breathe.
I am thankful for this life. This life is too precious and too short to waste by burying myself in food and hurt and pain.
All of you on your journey to health/weight loss/fitness: please do these things and live this life with joy.... do not sorrow in the pain of change. Take care of your human body and do it gladly. It is a gift.