Saturday, September 22, 2012


So my last post, where I was sad?

Only the beginning.

I went to my dad's house after I posted that, to walk his dog and say hi. I found him dead.

Obviously, I am sad and stressed to the point I feel like puking.

My dad, I'll never see his silly smile or hear one of his beyond terrible jokes or see him read one of his stupid mystery books. Nothing. No stupid decorations for the holidays, nothing. He's gone, it's over, I'm devastated. I didn't always get along with my dad, but I loved him and he was a huge part of my life.

Not only have I lost my father, but my whole life is about to turn upside down. I relied on him for a lot of help and support. I might be moving into his house now (it is paid off) and I have a full-time dog responsibility now.

I want to run. Run, run, run, run. Hide.

I can't rest or sleep or eat or anything. Every time I close my eyes, I see it all over again. I feel wretched inside.

Writing this down helps about 1%, but I'll take whatever I can get right now.


  1. Oh my gosh, Jeanette...I'm so sorry for your loss. :( My thoughts are with you. Sending you peace and strength right now.

  2. Jeanette, I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you and your family right now.

  3. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for you and your family. Take care of yourself.

  4. Jeanette, I echo the others in saying how sorry I am and how difficult this must be for you. Death is never easy to face - unexpected death adds the element of complete shock. I sincerely hope you have real life friends in addition to Chris who can hold you and support you through this time. The blog will help, but in times like this, it is no substitute for the real life support you must have. So sorry, my friend.

  5. Oh, holy shit Jeanette; I'm stunned. Having lost both my parents within eight months of each other, one of them suddenly, that punch to the stomach can never be described to someone who hasn't experienced it (my brother found my mother). A blogger whom I admire lost her mom unexpectedly a couple of months ago (it's in her archives: and she has some great words of wisdom to herself during that time (she has maintained a 200+ lb loss for many years); the instinct to eat for comfort and how she made herself not "go there." Maybe her experience and thoughts would be helpful to you. Godspeed, mon ami.

  6. Thinking of you today. I'm so sorry to hear. Hugs.

  7. Oh, Jeanette! So sorry to hear this. I know from losing my Dad how hard it must be for you right now. Can only send a hug and thoughts for what is an horrendously difficult time. Deniz

  8. I am so terribly sorry for your loss! I can't imagine how devastated you must feel right now. I'm thinking and praying for you. ((HUGS))