Saturday, September 22, 2012

Difficult times

I am not going into specifics for various reasons, but I needed to put this out there into the world so it doesn't all spiral out of control.

Had a very difficult morning and now am very, very sad... in that trembling, painful, I don't know how this will ever feel good again kind of way.

Before the crap went down, I weighed in at 125.2. Obviously did well this week with my food, even though I wasn't super active. No gains (in fact, a loss).

But now.... I want to feel better. I don't know how. I want to eat sugar and cheese and bread. I want to binge and purge to my heart's content until I feel like I have some control again (obviously would be VERY temporary, but I have to admit I am having those urges).

I don't want to do that. I want to behave, I want to be an adult, I want to be healthy, even when I feel this low.

I have to feel these feelings, even though it's uncomfortable.

I need to turn to something that won't hurt me *more* in order to deal with this.

I am thinking a bath and a book or going for a long walk with the dog. I know these are the right things, it is just so hard to get the motivation to do them. I am hoping that writing this down will make me feel more accountable and more desirous to do the right thing and take care of myself.


  1. You're bigger than whatever this is, Jeanette. Pain is temporary, Victory is FOREVER. Whatever events are happening, you KNOW that there is no food that will change them. Distracting yourself from reality with something that is essentially a drug not only doesn't solve the problem, it creates another problem. These are all things you know. Run. Walk. Jump Rope. Lift weights. Do NOT go shopping. ;) Do NOT eat for pain relief. If you can't shut your brain off, get lost in some mindless TV or a terrible movie and then get some sleep and refocus in the morning. You got this.

  2. Music, angry birds, reality tv are all my non food relief. I ditto Norma. No food will help.

    Feel the feelings and there are no answers in the food. You will get through this. As painful as it is. Karen p