I've been really contemplative lately - as I am in a good place, mentally, and making forward progress, I have room to look at myself and my life and how I live a little more objectively than when I was grieving.
I've spent a lot of time PREPARING to live life. Preparing to be the person I want to be. Whether focusing on school or saving money or working for the body I want or preparing the house to be lived in or preparing for a job or safeguarding my future health and finances and well being and family and whatever it might be...
And it struck me. I am living life RIGHT. NOW. This very moment. This is life!
This is my family I have.
This is the money I have.
This is the house I live in.
This is the body I've earned.
This is my health.
I am who I am right now.
It's all now. And it's GOOD and RIGHT that I care about these things and protecting them. It is because I cared about myself and my life in the past that I have what I have now. I have been blessed and lucky and I have worked hard, as well.
But I cannot forget to live in the moment.
The future is so totally unknown.
I must enjoy my family, my pets, my body, my house, my life... as I protect and safeguard them for the future, I must be here now, too.
I didn't do that for a long time. I was obese and I didn't enjoy my body, even as I changed it. I was lonely, and I didn't enjoy the people I DID know as I looked for something more. I was always looking to the END of school, without realizing it is the PROCESS of finishing school that educates me, not the final degree.
I've learned a lesson. I sometimes forget it and get wrapped up in what COULD be and what MIGHT happen - always planning, looking forward, worrying.
Maybe someone reading this will stop and think, and maybe enjoy the now a little deeper, be a little more present, because I should have done that more (some times of great joy, I was completely present... the most I have ever been completely present and IN the moment was my wedding day!).
Being in the moment, being present ... there is joy in that. Joy in what your body CAN do right now. Joy in what you have right now. Joy in the people you love right this moment. No matter if things are not how you want them to be right now... there is still joy in them.
That joy, that being present, it helps me to be good to myself. To be healthy. To do good things naturally. Because I am not sabotaging myself, as I am wont to do :)
Sorry for the philosophy today, as we go into the weekend.
I need to remind myself of these things. Especially as I go into a very frenzied, busy weekend!!
I will enjoy the archaeology I do tomorrow, the holes I dig, the notes I take. I will take pleasure in a job well done, without stressing about the final report that needs to go out or the paycheck I am looking forward to.
Namaste, my friends, enjoy the weekend <3