Thursday, March 27, 2014

Things I am and am not:

Things I am not: an expert, a doctor, a nutritionist, a trainer, a resource.

Things I am: a woman.

Woke up this morning with sexy bedhead (usually it ends up in dreadlocks)!

I've been thinking about what people expect when they stumble over my little corner of the internet.

I am not a typical blogger for someone in my position - someone who has been maintaining a weight loss for a significant period of time, someone who is fit and trim and healthy now, someone who has been eating paleo/clean for almost two years.

It seems like many other bloggers who are in my position blog very differently for me. They are perhaps monetized, or motivational, or speak at events, or don't use their blogs like a diary (as I seem to do), there are mostly posts about how they succeed: recipes, workout gear, workout schedules, grocery lists, tips and tricks.

I occasionally post things of that nature - how I eat, how I workout, how I live - but it's not really my focus.

I have always wanted to stay public. To share my past story and my current story. Mostly because I wish there was a place like this when I was 16, 17, 18.... because I needed help back then, I needed to feel not so alone. If there is someone out there who feels a little less alone or feels a little more hopeful or learns a little something after reading my blog, I am happy.

I vacillate between using this blog as a diary type of place - to recount how my day is going, to share my mental state, etc - and using it to share all the stuff I've learned about health and fitness - what works for me as far as food, exercise, grocery shopping, eating out, etc.

Ideally, I'd like a balance between those two ways of writing.

But, in the end, I am not an expert in any of this. I can only say what has worked for me, personally. If someone relates or tries something I tried and it ends up working for them? I love it. But I'm not trying to tell anyone else how to live here. This is just how *I* live.

Things have been a little too diary-like around here, I want to remember to get back into sharing the day-to-day things that work for me.

So what IS working for me?

- daily yoga/stretching

- daily dog walks (about an hour)

- doing body strength workouts several times a week

- limiting alcoholic drinks to once a week, on average (sometimes I don't drink in a week, sometimes I might drink twice)

- keeping only paleo/whole/clean foods in the house

- never/super rarely buying food out (no impulse snack buying, all meals are made at home.... last weekend we "treated" ourselves to buying a salad at Chipotle - kept it paleo)

My big problem? Social stuff. Gwen pointed out that it's really only when I hang out with friends and veer off the paleo template that I see a gain. It's true.

My work to be done? Get a handle on the social stuff. I talked with my therapist about it and worked on some real strategies for when I go into a social situation - once again, my indulgence in social eating seems to be intimately linked with anxiety (specifically social anxiety). I absolutely use food and thinking about food and eating food and worrying about food as a way to deal with anxiety... even though I love my friends, I still get anxious socially. If I am thinking about food, I don't have to think about people. Which is lame of me. I am taking my attention and my caring OFF of people when I put it ON food.

That is going to change.

The focus will be on the people, on the laughter, on asking about their day, on connecting. Even if it makes me anxious. If I get anxious, I will sit with the feeling and deal with it and move on. No more switching the focus to food.

I went to TV night last night and drank beer (this was planned, I bought a beer that I was excited to try in advance). So no more drinks for the rest of the week!

But, I weighed in at 121.2 today?

Odd fluctuation. But in the right direction for me! Keeping it clean and paleo today and tomorrow and so on, so forth to keep my weight in my range :) Keep doing what works for me, working on what doesn't work for me.

Alright - errands to be done, dogs to be walked, stats to be analyzed :) Namaste.


  1. I'm sure your therapist has suggested it (or will soon), but you need to try and go inside (either at the moment, or later, at home, reflecting)...on WHY social settings with your friends make you anxious. Really go inside, dig around, and try to figure out what about it makes you anxious. Because until you do, you won't be able to 'fix it.' Something is going on...and whatever it is, I promise you it won't be as unsettling as living the rest of your life this way. (i.e., anxious about social settings.) We get ourselves all worked up over situations, but once we actually face them and work through them, we realize it really wasn't any big deal. It just takes the guts to walk down the path and identify and face the root cause. :)

  2. I personally like your blog. It isn't superior, doesnt lecture, and is real. That's why I read it. I'm happy with my weight but I can always learn something from others. I get social anxiety too, I think a lot of people do. I just get quiet in a corner! It manifests differently for people. Some drink a lot. Some eat. Some become loudmouths.

  3. I don't think therapists are licensed to prescribe medication (at least not in CA). But some Xanax might work wonders for your social anxiety.

    I like reading your blog because we are so similar. About the same age (I'm 30) and I've been maintaining a significant weight loss for about 10 years. I love your attitude of "This is what worked for me, but you don't have to do it exactly like I did." It is refreshing, as are you. :)

    Not sure if a blog can be too "diary-like," since all we can really speak about is our personal experience. I think I read blogs in general because it is comforting to know that others are experiencing the same struggles, emotions, or feelings that I am.

  4. I really dislike it when maintainers switch over to advertising and stop being "real" if they have arrived and life is peachy if you try out this new tool, protein shake, or lunch box. grrr!!! Stay real girl...I really do get a lot out of your blog.

  5. I can relate to much of what you write. Sometimes one of your posts will make me think about how I'm handling the same issue in my life, namely grief, food, the social. I know you inspired me to try and then make the change to Paleo :) Genuine bloggers like yourself are a rare gem! Honestly means a lot to me in this blogosphere where people can post anything they want, like lies or scams or pimping "Frankenfood" and other products. Keep on truckin' :)

  6. I personally like the simplicity of your blog - it is real. I always used my blog as a kind of diary but then as it got more readers I found I had to cut back on more personal stuff - mainly because my family read it!! Like you I'm not a doctor or medical person, just a woman.. a mother and a nana. I'm coming from a place of constant yo-yo dieting all my life to finally finding an answer. I love reading other blogs where the writers have reached the same conclusion. For me it is about seeing the day to day life and how someone copes with maintaining weight loss. Keep on being you :)

  7. I love reading this blog, whether it's diary-like or not. If someone else doesn't like it, they can move on and choose not to read your blog anymore. I have read many blogs that just weren't for me. I don't read them anymore. I have a list of a few blogs that I visit regularly and yours is definitely one of them! You don't need to justify what you're doing on here or what you're trying to achieve...just be yourself! A ton of people appreciate your honesty and enjoy your thoughts.

  8. I love reading your blog! I've read the archives from the beginning, and try to read every day. Your only responsibility is to write for yourself - we the readers get a glimpse into your life and can read if we choose. I love how you focus on healthy eating, and living life - the good and not so pretty stuff - and are willing to share it all. Thank you for sharing with us out here in blogland.