Things I am and am not:

Things I am not: an expert, a doctor, a nutritionist, a trainer, a resource.

Things I am: a woman.

Woke up this morning with sexy bedhead (usually it ends up in dreadlocks)!

I've been thinking about what people expect when they stumble over my little corner of the internet.

I am not a typical blogger for someone in my position - someone who has been maintaining a weight loss for a significant period of time, someone who is fit and trim and healthy now, someone who has been eating paleo/clean for almost two years.

It seems like many other bloggers who are in my position blog very differently for me. They are perhaps monetized, or motivational, or speak at events, or don't use their blogs like a diary (as I seem to do), there are mostly posts about how they succeed: recipes, workout gear, workout schedules, grocery lists, tips and tricks.

I occasionally post things of that nature - how I eat, how I workout, how I live - but it's not really my focus.

I have always wanted to stay public. To share my past story and my current story. Mostly because I wish there was a place like this when I was 16, 17, 18.... because I needed help back then, I needed to feel not so alone. If there is someone out there who feels a little less alone or feels a little more hopeful or learns a little something after reading my blog, I am happy.

I vacillate between using this blog as a diary type of place - to recount how my day is going, to share my mental state, etc - and using it to share all the stuff I've learned about health and fitness - what works for me as far as food, exercise, grocery shopping, eating out, etc.

Ideally, I'd like a balance between those two ways of writing.

But, in the end, I am not an expert in any of this. I can only say what has worked for me, personally. If someone relates or tries something I tried and it ends up working for them? I love it. But I'm not trying to tell anyone else how to live here. This is just how *I* live.

Things have been a little too diary-like around here, I want to remember to get back into sharing the day-to-day things that work for me.

So what IS working for me?

- daily yoga/stretching

- daily dog walks (about an hour)

- doing body strength workouts several times a week

- limiting alcoholic drinks to once a week, on average (sometimes I don't drink in a week, sometimes I might drink twice)

- keeping only paleo/whole/clean foods in the house

- never/super rarely buying food out (no impulse snack buying, all meals are made at home.... last weekend we "treated" ourselves to buying a salad at Chipotle - kept it paleo)

My big problem? Social stuff. Gwen pointed out that it's really only when I hang out with friends and veer off the paleo template that I see a gain. It's true.

My work to be done? Get a handle on the social stuff. I talked with my therapist about it and worked on some real strategies for when I go into a social situation - once again, my indulgence in social eating seems to be intimately linked with anxiety (specifically social anxiety). I absolutely use food and thinking about food and eating food and worrying about food as a way to deal with anxiety... even though I love my friends, I still get anxious socially. If I am thinking about food, I don't have to think about people. Which is lame of me. I am taking my attention and my caring OFF of people when I put it ON food.

That is going to change.

The focus will be on the people, on the laughter, on asking about their day, on connecting. Even if it makes me anxious. If I get anxious, I will sit with the feeling and deal with it and move on. No more switching the focus to food.

I went to TV night last night and drank beer (this was planned, I bought a beer that I was excited to try in advance). So no more drinks for the rest of the week!

But, I weighed in at 121.2 today?

Odd fluctuation. But in the right direction for me! Keeping it clean and paleo today and tomorrow and so on, so forth to keep my weight in my range :) Keep doing what works for me, working on what doesn't work for me.

Alright - errands to be done, dogs to be walked, stats to be analyzed :) Namaste.