And I get that, I do. And I usually don't! I see my friends several times a week and rarely change my behavior based on knowing food will be there (though I often wish there was less junk and less a focus on food in general). But last night was my birthday and right now, it's hard for me not to eat in social situations, so I decided for a quiet night with my husband who has my best interests at heart and knows my demons :)
But, rest assured, I'm dedicated to learning to be around junk food and controlling myself- so I never have to fret about a social situation again. I'm just not fully there yet!
However, I DID relent and go out to dinner with Chris. I ate well all day and had room for two sushi rolls in my day. We love the place and had a nice time (we also walked 1.2 miles to the restaurant... And 1.2 back, meaning I walked a lot yesterday when you add in the dog walk!) ... I didn't gain any weight, either :)
So- yes, a nice meal, a nice night, bad TV, hanging with my man and my animals. It was perfect!
On to topic #2... And I want to try and be careful in my wording so I'm not misunderstood.
I'll put this out there first: I believe calorie counting and tracking food is an excellent and useful tool! It helped me get control of my eating after a decade of overeating. It helped me learn proper portion sizes and how to eat normally.
And I will also put this out there: I've been tracking almost every bite of food I've taken for almost ANOTHER decade. It's gotten to the point I don't really listen to or understand physical cues about hunger/fullness. I know how much food I should eat for maintenance and for weight loss - I eat that amount, no matter what. For example, if a 500 calorie dinner fits into my night, I will put 500 calories of food on my plate and eat it, no matter what, no matter if I'm full.
This all leads to me overeating in other situations, like at a party or a friends house, when I don't track AND have no ability to listen to my body- to realize it's satiated and full.
I've wanted to stop the obsessive tracking of my food for a couple years. I think I'm ready to try, to work on other tools to maintain my weight (like relying on my knowledge about nutrition, working on eating when hungry and stopping when full, getting connected to my body).
My therapist said something that helped me put it into perspective: I don't have to think of this as giving up tracking forever!' If this doesn't work, I wasn't ready or didn't have the right tools/mindset and I gain weight, I can go back to tracking. Work on things for a while before trying to give it up again.
After a decade of being tied to my phone or a notepad 6 times a day (meals, snacks, coffee, etc).... I'm ready to see what I do with my freedom.
Thankfully- I eat the same things everyday, so I DO know what are proper portions.
My plan: stay super clean and strict paleo while not tracking. Focus on nutrition, a variety of vegetables, etc. It is hard to put on lots of weight when I'm eating mainly veggies!!
This is something I need to try. Things have gotten too controlling. I'm controlling my food/body to manage other anxieties. That's not how I want to live.
So this is a step. It might work, it might be the wrong step. I won't know till I try!
Again, I'll say, this is for me- a situation that has become too obsessive and time consuming. For others in their weight loss journey, I think tracking is AWESOME and often necessary.
I welcome thoughts and comments. Just know this isn't a spur of the moment decision... I've wanted this for a long time. Having the support of my husband, a therapist, and this blog finally made it time to try.
Namaste my friends, thank you for the birthday wishes :)