Grief strikes out of the blue...

So, if you could tell from my past couple of posts, I've been feeling pretty good. Like this is all possible. (Chris being here this week is one of the reasons I can feel that way!).

I don't feel so overwhelmed. I see that the house will get put together, my life will get put together, and we can be happy.

Then, on my coffee break this morning, I went downstairs at work to mail a letter.  It is my life insurance. Something my dad started and paid for me. Kept for me. Life insurance. If I die.... my dad is dead. We used his life insurance to pay for his funeral. Because he's dead.

Crap.

Started to cry a little bit in the hallway. :(

But, it's okay. It's okay now. I understand I am going to feel this way on and off. I miss him. I'm going to feel that.

I wanted to share something I heard while listing to an older Savage Love Podcast (so bored doing menial tasks at work, I listen to a lot of podcasts!). Someone had called in, grieving, recently having lost her fiance. Dan Savage brought up something he had heard (I think about 9/11) by the Queen of England:

Grief is the price we pay for love. - The Queen of England

It is a price we should all pay willingly, because a life without love is a life of constant grief. A life with love is a life with moments and seasons of grief. - Dan Savage

And that was Dan's thoughts on the matter.

It's true.

I'd pay this price a million times over (and I am scared I will have to :( ) in order to love and be loved and have love in my life. When death happens, this is the price for that love. But I wouldn't change it for all the world.