Thursday, April 19, 2012

Wolves and Weight

So, I will start off by introducing you to the "crazy cat lady" part of me. I am obsessed with wolves. I even have a life size cardboard cutout of a wolf in my living room (it was a weird birthday present!). I donate to wolf causes, I write to legislators about wolf protection, I own a wolf spirit hood, I have several wolf tattoos on my body and will be getting more. I feel a very deep empathy and connection to wolves, and I've let that feeling really fill me.

These are the times I shake my head at my OWN self.

But I can't help it. As I have been growing and changing into a woman, into a strong and fit person, into an independent young person... I have self-identified with wolves. (I've even pet a domesticated one)

They are the emblem for me of balance in the world. A wild wolf in the forest is just the perfect image, to me, of a life well lived, without all the garbage that inhabits my modern life.

I love the pack mentality, the strict social order in their pack, the loyalty to the pack, the Alpha lifetime pair bonding, the fact that they are GORGEOUS animals, that they live in forests and love to swim!, their vocalizations, the howling, how communicative they are, how perfectly wild and free they are... and the fact that they are the ancestors of my beloved dogs :)

They are my totem animal without any doubt.

I wanted to put this out there (all my real life friends know this about me, for sure... I get calls when wolf documentaries are on TV!) because of my goal reward:

When I reach (and maintain for a while, to make sure it is for real) 129 lbs, I am getting a full thigh tattoo of a stylized wolf head.

It is to mark the fact that I have control over my body, I am free, I am in BALANCE with my body and my mind. I am not a slave to addictions and sadness and worry. It will be a sign that I have the same strength I admire in wolves. And the tattoo will be a reminder that I am all these things and will need to stay on this path.

So that's my little bit of crazy. Didn't want everyone thinking I was too normal or anything!

I weighed in today again (I usually only weigh once a week, but I am very curious about how this food experiment is going!) and came in at 131.4...... I don't even really know what to say about it. Is it real? Is this really my weight and those extra five pounds that have come off were just bloating and inflammation from eating the wrong things? Is this really me?????

I am too confused to be completely happy, haha. I know this makes me feel ever stronger and more able to stay on course to make SURE that number is real. Went to the gym this morning and busted my butt. Ate lots of protein before the workout and had some starch afterwards. Feeling very balanced and hopeful :)


No comments:

Post a Comment