Today I have been thinking about how I used to (and still occasionally) abuse my body or treat it like an enemy.
I had these thoughts because I had my early morning yoga class that I've been attending weekly this year.
I love yoga, the stretching and the full body awareness and strength workout it entails. However, I usually do not enjoy the part of yoga where we sit/lay and meditate or where the teacher kind of goes over some daily thoughts or whatever. I usually go somewhere else in my mind and don't pay much attention. It's hard for me to be introspective.
But today, when, at the end of class, the teacher said to "Inhale life and exhale gratitude" I really heard her.
I am so, so, so grateful for my life and my body that carries me through it.
I don't want to hurt it anymore. It is no long just about looking good or weighing less. I want to stop hurting myself. I want to stop poisoning myself. I never want to let my body go to waste, to let it's muscles weaken or it's vitality drop.
I am amazed at how much I used to hurt myself and for how long I used to do it. Years! I let my body fall into ruin for years and I still feel the after effects of it. My hip is still a little wonky. I have stretch marks. My metabolism is unbalanced. I have a lot of fear of my body and what it is or isn't capable of.
I thought briefly about not going to yoga this morning and sleeping in. I am glad I went. It is good for me. Makes me more aware of my body and how truly connected to it I am, how lost I would be if it failed me. How much energy I have to put into it.
I thought about how easy it would be to fall right back into abusing my body. How life stresses could so quickly make me stop exercising or eat for comfort. It is RIGHT THERE. So close.
I have to promise myself I will put maximum effort into not letting that happen. This is my one body and I need to take care of it and love it wholeheartedly.
On a side note: I would recommend Fooducate.com or their blog. I am disgusted with the foods I used to eat or tell myself was not so bad. Processed foods are poison, plain and simple, and they don't belong in our bodies. They kill us slowly and make it harder for us to do everything (lose weight, be strong, be energetic, etc). And some of the information in this blog about what those chemicals or hard-to-pronounce ingredients REALLY are continues to shock me. Nothing but whole ingredients for this girl.
Sometimes I slip and eat a Reese's candy a friend gives me or M&Ms, or I eat overly processed crackers at a party, or I will take a bite of a slim jim from someone on a hike. No more, no more, no more. It is not worth it. I would never eat some of their ingredients if they weren't processed to look like food, so why eat them at all?
I'm done. No more slip ups. They are not good for me and I want to put goodness into my body so that my body is good to me.