Friday, January 31, 2014

Today, Tomorrow

Today was a depressing mess of job stress (searching for a part time job to supplement the poverty wages I'm paid to teach), worry about the future and feelings of failure.

Ahhh... Depression is a tricky creature. I thought I was past it, but I get sucked into the cyclical depressive anxieties again and again. I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks to get referrals for help.

Hoping tomorrow is better- going to head to the mountains again for another 9 mile hike. It's a toughie but I feel physically stronger than I did last weekend. Hopefully it will cheer me.



  1. Hiking is the best way to get over whatever bothers you. Good luck.

  2. You are so active, I feel like you should be floating on endorphins 99% of the time! Hope the doctor appt. is useful.

    I used to babysit to supplement my income. Substitute teaching also pays really well and you decide what days you are willing to work. You don't have to make up lesson plans or anything, just follow what the teacher leaves you. Good luck! :)

  3. My daughter also suffers from depression and anxiety. Not so bad lately but sometimes not so good. I seems to be a common thing these day - I hope you can get some help.

  4. Sorry to hear you're dealing with such difficult issues, plus illness and new job, that's quite a lot. Hope that the next few weeks aren't too bad for you and your husband and friends also rally around you for support :) Hugs x

  5. I know college professors and TA's who supplement by tutoring lower grade levels (grade school or junior high) sometimes outside their own field. Good change of pace, different topic, flexible schedule, good money.

    I have a son in grad school and he has said if he needed a part time job, would consider working at an APPLE store. Again, different field for him, computers come easy to him, fun job.

    I feel strongly that all meds (of the type you describe) should be regulated by a psychiatrist. So I was glad to see your word - referral. You might consider calling your insurance and seeing what options you might have and what is covered under your plan. For example, that helped me narrow down my options. I also have access to a therapist for free (8 visits per year). I found my (beloved) therapist by seeing who was available on my insurance. You might want to investigate in advance. The phone person on the mental health side of my company's customer service was a HUGE help.

    My psychiatrist prefers all his patients work with a therapist. I see her every other week. I see him once a quarter or so.

    I thought I needed an anti depressant, but actually needed other classes of meds. They sort of level me out, reduce anxiety, help me sleep.

    For me the combination of meds and therapy was vital. I had things I really needed to fix in order to help my anxiety. A lot of this was boundary issues and priorities and that all made a great deal of difference.

    I too cycled through emotional ups and downs.

    When I started, my goal was to feel very even all the time. I was content to level off at a 5, if that is what it took, just not to sink to 1-2. On a scale of 1-10, I am a solid 8 now, consistently. And when I go through a rough patch, Which is rare, I am at a 5. No more sinking to lower levels and then getting stuck there. I used to sink and then it was sort of like a sucking vortex. Really tough.

    You have a huge advantage in that you have already gotten your food cleaned up, your weight off, and are exercising regularly. Because all of those things help.

    It is also great that you have the urge to get yourself outside - fresh air, sunshine, movement. Really good self help.

    1. This also might be AFTERS from your recent medical scare. Sometimes that happens. We hang on, do well, DURING. And then after all is said and done, have a hard time. It is some type of emotional reaction. It does happen to a lot of us.

  6. I totally agree with Vickie on this possibly being a 'post traumatic stress' reaction. You just went through a life-threatening situation. You got through what you had to get through, and now you need to go through a WTH period. Hope all is well soon, and good you are seeing a professional.

  7. Glad you can recognize it. I like the comments here. Nothing to add, but keep going.

  8. Hi Jeanette,

    Yes I too would echo a lot of the comments here.

    Keep going, and try to keep positive, it hasn't been easy for you these past weeks..

    We're all thinking of you.

    All the best Jan

  9. Aw woman, I'm sorry you are dealing with that stress. My husband felt it too when he was teaching as an adjunct. (It is ridiculous the pay as an adjunct vs. full time teaching the same dang class). He also had a second part time job. I hope you find something you can enjoy doing :) Positive thoughts and prayers your way. I hope your hike was wonderful!