Settling down after a whirlwind weekend is a little hard. I am all revved up and excited, in general :) I am also anxiously awaiting my engagement photos - I have one special one that the photographer said she would get to me as soon as she could! Can't wait to share!
I've never had professional pictures taken of me like that. In fact, I rarely get my picture taken. I have selfies of myself hiking, some candid shots at parties, but in general, I see a camera and I RUN! I prefer to be the one taking the photos.
I was nervous and silly and grinning like a fool and fidgeting like crazy. (Thank goodness I could direct my attention to Chris - it made it so much more natural and easy)
But my photographer is an awesome local woman who knows the family and has a camp in the Adirondacks and is REALLY, really chill. She was sweet and casual and made us feel really great.
I think I did a good job of not letting OTHER people this weekend know I was uncomfortable in the spotlight, but those good ol' terrified nerves kept creeping up - especially when I had to open presents in front of the group at the bridal shower. Gah!
I will probably never get over the shyness that developed when I was a chubby kid and a fat teen. I hid so I didn't have to deal with it. I'm not hiding anymore, but that little voice sometimes is too loud to hear - the voice that says "You're not good enough! What are you doing - everyone is looking at you! They are going to know you are LESS THAN!"
That voice is stupid. But I still hear it.
My strategy in the past few years is just to power through. I might feel uncomfortable in a situation. I might squirm and cringe a little. I might want to get out of the situation. But I know better and I will never let those thoughts keep me from experiencing life or from finding joy. This article talks about how there is a little truth to the "fake it till it's real" adage.
I have so much more confidence than I did 5, 10, 15 years ago. I am proud of myself, what I've done, how I've loved, who I am. I don't have to fake it all the way anymore :) But I've also learned that life is super awesome and I don't want to miss a piece of it - so when I start to feel shy or introverted or nervous, I make sure to acknowledge those feelings but tell myself to go rock it anyway.
I hope no one out there is missing out on anything because of a lack of confidence.
Remember: you are WORTH it - all the good, fun, happy, smiley things out there :)