Thursday, July 25, 2013

Do No Harm

So I have this friend, who has been a pretty constant presence in my life for the past 6 or so years. The past couple years, I have found myself having to spend less and less time with her because of her negativity. And not just generalized negativity, but her desire to actively hurt and make others feel bad (with her words). That included me. She often went out of her way to choose hurtful words to say, when silence or neutrality was an option.

Comments on music I liked, hikes I did, the way I ate, friends I made, etc, etc. Simple, stupid things that just don't need constant nitpicking and negativity.

I purposely put distance between us. And I thought it helped heal, a little. I started to forgive (but not forget). We've had some good evenings and weekends lately, socially.

But then she posted on my engagement photos on facebook: "No Like"

On a thread with all our friends and family saying they loved the photos and were so happy for us and excited for us, there is this little blip of meanness.


I just... don't get people. Why, when it is an option to do NOTHING, do some people actively desire to put negativity into the world?

She could have thought privately that she didn't like them, maybe even tell her husband she didn't like them and I would never have been the wiser. (She later clarified she hates cheesy engagement photos and we looked posed and unlike ourselves -- which I would disagree with HIGHLY, but that's besides the point).

Why put that into the world?

Why make the effort?

It definitely saddened me and hurt me a little. There is no reason to let someone know you don't like their engagement photos. In the past, I've seen people's engagement photos I haven't liked (thought they were too posed and cheesy), and instead of letting them know that, I either chose to say nothing (SUCH an easy option) or I chose to put some love into the world and tell them I was happy for them and they looked happy (not a lie - they did look happy and I was happy for them!).

Be the light you want to see in the world.

I implore the few people who read this to think twice about your words and actions. This girl, unfortunately, brought my good mood down for a little while and caused sadness where there hadn't been any (and hadn't needed to be).

Even if you can not do good -- above ALL, do no harm!!

Namaste <3


  1. I just started following your blog. I'm so sorry this happened to you - I just don't understand jealousy or chip on the shoulder (which is what this sounds like).

    I like your comment - do no harm!

  2. I was sent to your blog via
    I'm sorry this person is like that to you. It seems there is some deep problem she has with you and probably other people in her life. She can't be happy for you or others and it seems she enjoys being mean. She maybe jealous of you and or miserable with her own life and takes it out on everyone else.
    I don't know you, but please don't let her damper your spirit. You may need to cut her out

  3. She sucks... I've had to let a few friends "go" (facebook included) who always have negative things to say. You don't need that kind of "friend" in your life.

    I also don't get people who get such pleasure (or feel nothing at all) from being so negative and hurting others.

    Those pictures are fantastic and so not cheesy or posed looking...

  4. I'm so sorry sweetie. Life is too short to allow negative people to stay in your life. I would break off the relationship. She made her choices; let her live with the consequences. That kind of mean spirit is energy draining and not deserving of your time. You are a sweetheart and to purposely hurt you -in a time when you should be doing nothing but relishing this special time in your life and your fiance' unforgivable. She is no friend. No friend at all.

  5. Couldn't word my thoughts better than Gwen has just done. It doesn't sound as though she deserves a friend such as you - move on and be happy, without her.

  6. What a great post. This kind of thing is why I left blogging. Lots of people just putting hate out there when the choice to simply be silent is so easy. Why put all the negativity out there? Usually the answer is jealousy of something, but it doesn't hurt any less.

  7. Friendship is a two-way street and it's sad and it hurts to lose a friend. It's easy when they just fade away especially when you have no interests in common anymore.

    If you think she's worth it and has been a good supportive friend in the past, you could sit down to talk with her honestly about what is going on. (I've had to do this and it is tough and emotional!)

    Whatever pain she has inside her which she chooses to send in your direction is so toxic and can over time chip away at your self-esteem. Who needs that?

  8. That person sucks. Period. I'm with you. There's no reason in the world to do that to people unless you're THAT unhappy with yourself and the only way you can feel better is to put other people down. You shouldn't have given her another thought. She isn't worth the time. You should unfriend her immediately and never speak to her again. There's no reason to have her in your life. She doesn't bring the type of love and positivity to you that you deserve.

  9. Your friend sounds like a dud. Since you've been friends for so long and you've been through ups and downs with her, I believe she owes you at least this much:

    I would confront her. I'd say pretty much what you've said above, specifically something like this: "I've seen photos that weren't the style I'd pick, posted by other people, and I was polite enough to consider their feelings and leave my preferences out of it. It's not like expecting someone to be phony, it's more like saying something positive and leaving out a negative, in order to be open-minded and supportive." Then I'd ask her point-blank why she felt the need to tell you point-blank that she did not like your photos. I'd press her further and ask her what type of reaction she expected from you.

    Of course she will do a whole bunch of, "What - can't you take any criticism? You are TOO sensitive. Sor-ree, I won't state my true opinion next time. I see you only want people to say what you want to hear. You read too much in..."

    etc. etc. Then I'd think about dropping this friends if she is frequently as negative as you say. I have had to ditch people like that. I figured we were not good fits for each other and no one needs that kind of dragging-down.

    1. Wow, from the probably response you answered with in her voice - sounds like you know her!!! I have confronted her in the past, and its almost word for word her response.

      I have to be in a car with her for 4 hours tomorrow and share a hotel room, so I am going to do my best zen meditation and let it go until the weekend is over!

  10. Ditch the Bitch...or try what Nikki suggested. You deserve better!

  11. Sorry to hear that your friend can't share in your happy times :-( I don't know you at all, but I thought your pictures were fantastic!

  12. Jeanette, several people recommended your blog. I can see why, having read a couple of entries. I am grateful to them for suggesting that I take a look. I am sorry for this particular experience however and concur with your life philosophy of "doing no harm".
    Best wishes, joy, peace and happiness in your upcoming marriage!
    I started to read your Koda blog and enjoy it immensely! I've only had German Shepherds as pet dogs and think they are simply amazing!