Monday, December 29, 2014

Good or Bad Year?

I wanted to do a general end-of-year wrap up post in case I don't get much of a chance to post in the next couple of days. Things are a little crazy as we prepare for the end of year celebration, I'm a little tired (STILL sore from my crazy workout Saturday - I am definitely going back, I haven't felt that worked out in a long time). My Grandma is also back in the hospital... I am scared that she might not come home this time. She is such an incredible, sweet woman and I just get so sick at the thought of maybe not seeing her anymore. But, she is saying she will be going home :) So, I will hope for the best, keep visiting with her, and give her my love. It's all I can do.

That's my current situation... but, as the year comes to an end, I can't help but think of it as a whole.

My 2014? I am hesitant to describe this year (or any year) as good or bad.

It just was my year, it was my life and is inextricably bound to who I am right now.

Do I wish things had gone better? Easier? Definitely. But that didn't happen and there is not much point to looking backwards now.

I am ending this year in a place I didn't think I would be - in an unsatisfactory job, not as finished with my dissertation as I would have liked, financially unsecure. Nervous about the future.

But, I am also ending this year wiser than when I started it, stronger. I got through a scary sickness (remember when I ended up in the hospital, having bled out internally for several days at home in January without knowing it?? Crazy). I got through unemployment. My family (on both sides!) has come to my rescue more than I deserve, making me an incredibly lucky woman. My relationship with my husband is deeper and better all the time - I love him so much :). I have climbed over a dozen Adirondack High Peaks this year (when I hadn't even planned on any!). My house went through several huge projects and is as close to being updated as I could ever have dreamed, haha. I am a few pounds lighter than when I began the year, in really good health and pretty good shape!

I've had tough times, rough times, over my life - and of course I wish they hadn't happened (especially the too-soon deaths of my parents) - but, since I know I cannot change reality, I must accept what has come before as making me who I am today. Just as I wouldn't change all the beautiful things that have happened to me, either. It has all been important. Everything has been a lesson.

And I am feeling rather... at peace with myself. Getting more confident. Feeling balanced.

I am getting better at looking at the now. Not obsessing about the past and future - because the past is unchangeable and the future is unknowable. The now is where joy is :) I'm not perfect at this practice, but getting better with time.

Suffering is a part of life, and as Thich Nhat Hanh said - when you learn how to suffer, you suffer much less. I used to let the suffering near destroy me. Now, I know there is much I can learn from the hard times, the things that seem unfair.

This year has reinforced the tough lesson I've been learning for a while now - life is beautiful, in all the light and all the darkness. It is all part of one and I am glad to be here :)


Namaste, my friends. I hope you find peace.


  1. You are far, FAR wiser than your years, Jeanette. It's been a joy and honor to know you better this year. I look forward to sharing 2015 with you!

  2. Jack Kornfield Book with CD Lamp in the Darkness om Amazon used less than $10..lifechanging

  3. I'm glad you feel good at the beginning of this year. I think any year review will be filled with good and bad... but what we do with it is what matters. Happy New Year! :-)

  4. I love how you described your year. Neither Good nor bad... it was 2014. Not obsessing about the past can be so difficult when often times it's where we see all our flaws which make it hard to look past. You are so inspiring within the first post I am reading. I love how you've become to approach life.

    I am starting a new journey myself. Working towards becoming an entrepreneur and allowing myself to be the best wellness coach I can be. Looking to help others maintain or lose weight and work together to help as many people as we can.

    I don't want my child to have to deal with weight issues like so many young people these days.

    Latest TryUmph Post...Suck it Up, Buttercup