Interconnectedness

Hello, Darlings! Feeling super optimistic and good today, though I've been having trouble sleeping (Chris being gone five days a week starts to wear on me after a while!).

Weighed in today: 122.8. Good - back in the 122s! :) Clean eating, paleo foods, a little bit of exercise. Life goes on!

I've not much else to say today. I am doing the right things for my health and my body. I am taking care of other aspects of my life (had a meeting today to work on my resume, doing some wedding errands, etc). I am hopeful.

It is much easier to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight when the REST of life is taken care of. Remember, this blog is titled For Life - I focus on health and weight, but it is all soooo interconnected and we cannot forget that.

If our spirits and hearts are empty, we don't have much of a chance at success.

I will write soon about what I am struggling with (but I am in such a good mood today, I do not want to dwell too much) - about losing my dad, about the tragic and sort of traumatic way I found him, feeling sadness about not having any parents there to support me at my wedding.

Sadness is natural. Life can be sad. But it can also be so full - if we will just fill it up.

I will leave you with some quotes from my most recent favorite monk that are affecting the way I am CHOOSING to live:

Namaste <3

Alcohol calories and my day

Down 0.2 pounds from yesterday. Hahaha. It is SO much easier to put on weight than take it off, isn't it? I mean, it's absurd! I wish I knew that before I ever put on weight when I was younger - that over a decade later, I would still be struggling. 

Well - such is life, right? Live and learn!

Interesting reactions people had to my weekend - all along the spectrum. Some people think it was fine (since I am right near goal and have been successful for over a year), some people warn me to be careful, etc. 

I get ALL the viewpoints. I can see life through a lot of different filters - but in the end, I am who I am.

I definitely will not be having weekends like last weekend very often! But I am the type of person who kind of likes to let loose and go wild once in a while! But like I said - my health is great, I am little and strong, my weight has been on a consistent downward trend for well over a year. No worries, I promise!

I know - alllll too well - that drinking alcohol is NOT GOOD for general health or especially if you are trying to lose weight. I can have a glass or two of wine during the week, normally, and maintain/lose weight. But if I want to lose - it's a no go.

Charts like this make it clear just how calorie rich all forms of alcoholic drinks are!

(so I had the equivalent of 14 sausages this weekend --- ew hahaha. that's why weekends like that will be super rare!)

Today was my domestic goddess day: go-go-go from the moment I woke up. Took care of a lot of stuff around the house and the yard. Prepped my mix I rely on for food for the week. Laundry. Dog. Grandma visit. Job applications. Wedding stuff.

So now it's 2 PM and I am taking a break and writing this post :)

I'll leave you with pics from the wedding!

Would have been a lovely picture if the humidity didn't DESTROY my hair - gah!

Namaste <3

Follow Up

I didn't really detail how the weekend went with my "friend" (emphasis on the quotes!).

I was nice and friendly and talkative and normal. She was her usual abrasive self. I realize more and more - she needs/wants a lot from me/us as her friends, but doesn't really give a whole lot in return. She's very demanding and concerned with her comfort and how she wants her day to go. Chris and I are very accommodating in general. We like our friends to be comfortable and have a nice time. But this is just another level and soon, we start to feel like doormats.

So we were in a car for a total of 8 hours together. Shared a room. Sat at the same table, etc, etc.

I pushed my anger and frustration out of my mind. I really, really, really dislike drama. I just wanted to have a nice time at the wedding - it was a gorgeous venue, had amazing food, and two dozen of our friends were there. No reason for me to worry about one slightly sour girl.

It wore on me, though. By the time we dropped them off when we got back, my patience was very thin. I had to go right home and take a nap.

It might not be the best course of action - but I am just not going to deal with it. No confrontations. No discussions. Nothing. This is because I know her and she has been confronted about her behavior before. She always turns it back on the other person and ignores the criticism. It's just.... not worth it anymore, to me.

I will get through this month and these social obligations with her. I will smile and genuinely have a nice time (she DOES have redeeming qualities - but I am just over her flaws, they are too hurtful). And then I will just stop making plans with her and limit contact.

So overall - the weekend was lovely and fine. But it drained me and my energy. So over it :D

BUT

I also wanted to assure you all that I am not going to go hog-wild every weekend (I definitely take Gwen's comment on my last post to heart!). I know I cannot continue to be up 2 pounds every weekend and spend the week chipping away at that. Definitely not my plan. These two weekends in a row have been outliers in my normal life.

I am STILL at a very low weight. I have maintained below 130 for well over a year. I have maintained at under 125 for several months. Definite downward trend which I am proud of. :)

My goal of 119 isn't exactly necessary. But I want it. And I want to have this goal to ensure I *don't* super overdo it in these busy, social weeks leading up to my wedding. If I have a very lofty goal, it means I am going to be stricter than if my mindset was JUST to maintain my weight. I don't want to slip up to 130 (my dress might not fit if I do!).

So no worries, my dears, I am well on track and focused here!

Love and light <3

Weekend Weight Gain

I am a terrible offender of the weekend weight gain. It happens again and again.

It's why Chris and I try very hard to go hiking or something like that on weekends, because then we focus on activities and just eat like normal.

But this summer is a VERY social one: lots of weddings which require me to be away for the whole weekend, bridal showers for me or other people, bachelorette parties for me or other people, music festivals, etc.

And I don't want to be a hermit. I want to go to these things. I want to laugh with my friends. I want to make memories. I want to participate in this life.

The weekends we go hiking are special to me, too (Chris is obviously the person I like spending time with the BEST), but if we only did that every weekend, I think we would find it difficult to maintain friendships and such.

So, we do these social things.

And I try VERY hard to eat right.

But something, I get drunk... and drunk-me just plain old doesn't care about eating paleo.

Many of these events, I try not to drink at all or, if I do drink, I try not to drink too much. But this weekend was a little stressful (if you read a few posts down, I had to spend it with a rather negative person) AND the wedding was actually incredible. Tons of our friends there, everyone having a great time, and the liquor was flowing. I partook. A lot.

Saturday was a gluttonous bust. Way more food than I could have ever needed and at least 7 vodka drinks - at least.

Sunday, traveling home, I did well. I stayed paleo, made great decisions, but I did a lot of damage on Saturday.

123.4 - up 2.4 pounds. My lowest adult weight gone in the blink of an eye! But I have to own it. I made those decisions.

Now comes another week of super clean, super paleo, super moderate eating. Because Saturday? My friends are throwing a bachelorette party for me that starts early in the afternoon and they won't tell me ANYTHING of what's happening - except one friend of mine who eats paleo says I probably won't be eating paleo on Saturday.

But it's a once in a lifetime thing. And my female friends are doing a LOT for me and making it really special, I know. So I am going to just relax and enjoy myself on Saturday (but try not to gain 2.4 pounds like I did this past Saturday).

It takes all week to undo the damage from a weekend like that. And I really, really want to be at goal at my wedding. It means so much to me.

One month left.

Ah!

Off to walk the dog!!

<3

40%

Just a quick share as I get ready for my little road trip to my friend's wedding this weekend:

Weighed in at 121.0 this morning

/does a little dance/

All this super clean, paleo, moderate eating with no alcohol? Paying off.

Lowest adult weight - ever. Ever. I must have been a pre-teen when I weighed that (and a chubby one at that - I was pretty short).

I am LOVING my body. I feel little but strong. All my muscles I've done so many push ups and squats and hiking and crunches, etc for? I can see them!!!

Also, I realized that if I get down to 119, I will have lost exactly 40% of my body weight from my highest weight (198). That kind of delights me. Two more pounds to go!

I imagine I will weigh a little more after this weekend, but seeing such a low weight gives me LOTS of motivation to behave myself at the wedding. I will have a few drinks, but stay as paleo as possible with the meal and appetizers. And I will only eat the cake if it's a flavor I looooove (meaning if it is chocolate cake - NOPE. I am a weirdo who loves chocolate but hates chocolate cake!).

Will let you know how everything goes with my "friend" on this little trip and how my eating went when I get back :)

Namaste <3

Good People and Meatballs :)

So, last night I was a little unexpectedly emotional over my friend's rude comment last night. I posted here instead of responding on social media or even contacting her personally - I wanted to get my emotions out and get a little more calm so I didn't say something I would regret. I am glad I did.

But thank goodness for good people reaching out- Kelly is a prime example! And another Kelly I know also texted me when she read the comment with some sweet things to say. Many people stayed out of any drama but showed some silent support by "liking" the picture and my comments. I got some frustrations out to Chris, who has known this girl longer than me. Even Chris' ex-girlfriend sent me a message saying she was sorry there was negativity and that I was beautiful and she was happy for us. Wow.

So, the first rule: Do No Harm.

But the second? Do good.

And people did. People reached out and were warm and lovely when it would have been an easier choice to just do nothing. But they put light into the world and into me. And it reaffirmed my belief that there is more good out there than bad. That most people are, at their core, decent and lovely people.

But it showed me that, whoa, my emotions are fragile right now!

With the wedding looming (and happening almost exactly a year after my dads passing) and battling the dueling emotions of grief and joy- I am sensitive. Very, very sensitive.

I wanted to thank everyone for their comments and advice - which I think is very good advice. The hard part? Because things have been going so well lately with this friend, we agreed to carpool to a wedding four hours away and share a hotel room with this couple this weekend. AH! Makes it even more strange she would decide to be negative when she knows she is about to spend a LOT of time with me this weekend.

Ah, well. Like I said in the comments, I will reach deep down, find my zen, remember I want to do good in this world, be light and be warm and let. it. go. At least for this weekend, ha.

But onto my meatballs!! I said on Facebook, I might eat Paleo, but I am still Italian!!! And I can make some mean Italian food (just leaving out the pasta and cheese, eeek >.<). But the flavors are the same :)

Meatballs I made last night:

Meatball ingredients: beef, egg, flax meal, spinach, garlic, mushrooms, onion and spices/herbs.

Sauce: organic tomato sauce, organic diced tomatoes, onions, garlic, mushrooms, spices/herbs.

I browned the meatballs in the cast iron skillets, then put my sauce ingredients in the pan for a few minutes before putting the whole thing to cook in the oven for about 20 minutes. I won't hesitate to brag and say IT WAS DELICIOUS!

Made enough for two solo meals for me and three couple meals with Chris - sticking with the whole idea that previous preparation leads to success :)

Thanks for the love, Namaste <3

Do No Harm

So I have this friend, who has been a pretty constant presence in my life for the past 6 or so years. The past couple years, I have found myself having to spend less and less time with her because of her negativity. And not just generalized negativity, but her desire to actively hurt and make others feel bad (with her words). That included me. She often went out of her way to choose hurtful words to say, when silence or neutrality was an option.

Comments on music I liked, hikes I did, the way I ate, friends I made, etc, etc. Simple, stupid things that just don't need constant nitpicking and negativity.

I purposely put distance between us. And I thought it helped heal, a little. I started to forgive (but not forget). We've had some good evenings and weekends lately, socially.

But then she posted on my engagement photos on facebook: "No Like"

On a thread with all our friends and family saying they loved the photos and were so happy for us and excited for us, there is this little blip of meanness.

Ugh.

I just... don't get people. Why, when it is an option to do NOTHING, do some people actively desire to put negativity into the world?

She could have thought privately that she didn't like them, maybe even tell her husband she didn't like them and I would never have been the wiser. (She later clarified she hates cheesy engagement photos and we looked posed and unlike ourselves -- which I would disagree with HIGHLY, but that's besides the point).

Why put that into the world?

Why make the effort?

It definitely saddened me and hurt me a little. There is no reason to let someone know you don't like their engagement photos. In the past, I've seen people's engagement photos I haven't liked (thought they were too posed and cheesy), and instead of letting them know that, I either chose to say nothing (SUCH an easy option) or I chose to put some love into the world and tell them I was happy for them and they looked happy (not a lie - they did look happy and I was happy for them!).

Be the light you want to see in the world.

I implore the few people who read this to think twice about your words and actions. This girl, unfortunately, brought my good mood down for a little while and caused sadness where there hadn't been any (and hadn't needed to be).

Even if you can not do good -- above ALL, do no harm!!

Namaste <3

So I wanted to share a tip, something I prep every week and do every day. And one of the easiest ways I make sure there is always clean, healthy, paleo food available at a moment's notice - giving me NO excuses to not eat that way!

Early in the week, I make a HUGE batch of some type of ground meat (antibiotic and hormone free!), tons of vegetables and lots of spices - cook it all up in the cast iron skillet till just how I like it. I also pre-roast a lot of sweet potatoes. I throw this all in the fridge, and all of a sudden, there's no more questions about how I am going to eat for the rest of the week.

I might put the mix in with scrambled eggs.

I might warm the mix up and put it over spinach.

Sometimes I just eat it like chili.

Or I'll put it over a sweet potato!

If I am really hungry/snacky - just take a few bites of the mix cold.

It's how I make sure I am constantly and consistently eating protein and vegetables. I make a different "mix" every week to make sure I am varying up my nutrients, but every mix is super nutrient dense, so it doesn't really matter.

I know everyone is different - I read a lot of people saying they couldn't eat the same types of things every day (Oh, I miss Norma) or couldn't live without such-and-such. I used to feel that way too. I used to think I need a selection of a million different things and eat different things for all my meals. After years of telling myself "Get Over It Now," I have learned it just doesn't matter.

Food is fuel!

The only important rule is to make sure you are getting all your nutrients in. And you can do that with a HUGE variety of vegetables and a little bit of some other stuff (differs depending if you are paleo or vegetarian or whatever).

The foods that rotate through my days (obviously I couldn't eat ALL of these everyday) are:

Eggs

Mix

Spinach

Coconut milk yogurt

Nuts (almonds or pistachios)

Avocado

Tomato

Mushrooms

Onion

Seasonal Veggies (like asparagus, mm!)

Seasonal fruits (right now it is melon and berries)

Banana

Sunflower seed butter

Sweet potato

Flax seed milk

Dried figs

Olive or Coconut oil

Some other protein like fish (or just more mix)

Tons of spices: cumin, pepper, garlic powder, oregano, paprika, etc

And a few times a week (but not this week for some reason!), I'll have treats like dark chocolate or some random lovely paleo treat from the co-op.

It's not a huge list.

But it's got everything I need.

I learned to give up the idea that I "deserve" certain types of foods or lots of different types of foods. I get everything I need - protein, fat, carbs and all my vitamins from the above list (though I also take vitamins and fish oil every day).

I definitely have my moments of indulgence (if you read about the other night where I drank four alcoholic drinks instead of dinner, haha - but I came home and ate a cup of mix instead of getting a slice of pizza or finding some cookies!). But those things are for amusement or pleasure. And I've finally realized that. Having a drink or eating cake for a wedding/birthday/etc is for pleasure and I *do* do those things - because I like pleasure!!

The change I have made to be at this weight? Those pleasure moments are not common. Certainly not every day. Sometimes not even once a week. 

I see so many people (who say they are struggling to lose weight) getting take out or eating out once a day or once a week, even. They grab stuff out of the vending machine. Stop for ice cream. A glass or two or three of wine every other night. This all adds up. I used to do this stuff. I was also 20 - 25 pounds heavier when I was.

It's so hard to articulate how DIFFICULT and also how EASY these choices are for me...

It's been such a long process, years. 

Being happy in my life and not looking for it in food? Big step.

Even when I am depressed or just generally sad and still not looking for solace in food? Another big one.

Realizing it's okay to utilize food/drink for pleasure - and learning how to do it in moderation? Still working on it! (Hence this blog post)

Okay, another rambling ramble from me. I have a big to-do list today so I better get on it!!

Love and Light <3

Drinking my dinner, thinking about maintenance

I drank my dinner last night, and not in a really good-healthy-fruit-smoothie kind of way.

Two friends (who don't know each other) had birthdays yesterday and just wanted to have small get-togethers to celebrate. There would be one outing at a local pub around 5 and then a gathering at a friend's house at 8:30. I tried to pre-plan, deciding I'd have a glass of wine at the pub and a second glass at my friend's house. I also pre-planned by eating a little lighter during the day.

Everything went according to plan, until I started having a REALLY nice time at the pub, and ended up drinking a second beer (and eating a little bit of my friend's pizza!). I finally tore myself away from the first birthday get-together (it was really, really nice and I was smiling and laughing a lot) and got myself to the second destination. I had a slight buzz on and ended up drinking two more glasses of wine.

I forced myself to fill up my wine glass with water for the rest of the night, though!

So I didn't have a REAL dinner (unless you count coming home at 11:30 and eating a few spoonfuls of leftovers and a piece of bacon). All my nighttime calories came from alcohol >.<

Not the best decision for my body and my health...

BUT

I am really glad that I don't behave like this regularly anymore. I actually cannot recall the last time I just threw caution to the wind and had an irresponsible night. It's been a long streak of clean eating and moderation. One night won't derail all my progress -

In fact, I am back down into the 122s this morning! (122.6)

I woke up late since I stayed up really late last night - I couldn't get to sleep for a couple of hours after I got home because I was so excited and happy and UP. But got right back on track - took the dog for his walk (and MY walk, too, really), ate eggs with ground turkey and veggies, and about to start doing a little cleaning once I'm done with this post.

But last night made me think about maintenance. I am TECHNICALLY in maintenance, because I really want to stay at this general weight range (but would like to be at the bottom of the range of 119-123 at my wedding). Being three pounds from where I want to be in September makes me feel like it's not so different from maintenance.

And, for me, maintenance means having a night like last night once in a while. Where I indulged (four drinks and some bites of pizza) but made room for that in my day. And days like that will be surrounded by status-quo type of days - clean eating, paleo, exercise, etc.

I'm not a super hardcore, rigid rule follower. I just follow the rules WAY more often than I don't!

Like the title of my blog says, I want this to be for life - for the long haul and to make this life totally awesome. I want my health. I want my rocking body. I also want to sit around, carefree, laughing and enjoying some physical pleasures with friends :) Maintenance is learning the balance of those things. Learning how to protect my body and my health while taking care of my spirit!

Namaste, friends - sorry for the ramble, I am a little off today since I slept in really late, haha :)

REAL hunger and hiking pictures

I found myself extra hungry yesterday, which seems to always happen the day after a particularly strenuous activity (like a huge hike). So, I overate a little. No junk and kept it clean and paleo, but my blood sugars were low and my stomach was growling an hour after eating dinner!

I think I am a little more equalized today - that my body realizes I'm not going to march it 10 miles through the forest anytime soon :)

It made me think a little bit about hunger, knowing what is real hunger and what is emotional hunger. There are a bunch of little articles out there on the web with tips on how to identify the difference. Like this one. My hunger yesterday was REAL, it fit this description to a T:

"Real hunger is brought on by a true need for food and develops gradually over time. You can wait to eat if you need to, and once you have eaten until your stomach is full you can stop eating. With real hunger, you feel a need to eat, but not necessarily any one particular food. Any food that you like that is available will satisfy your hunger, and you won't feel guilty after you finish eating."

I would have eaten a raw beet last night if it was the only thing available, haha! I just needed to put something in my body. I ended up eating a mango, three pickles, and drinking a bunch of water (doesn't sound super appetizing, does it? haha).

It felt nice, actually, to feel that hunger. When I am not being SUPER active, that hunger never really appears unless I somehow forget to eat a meal (which is INSANELY rare - I might miss lunch sometimes if I am really busy during the day, maybe). It was a good feeling, knowing my body was burning hard during the hike and even afterwards.

We're not going to get a chance to go on a hike like that for a while - our weekends are BOOKED: two weddings, OUR wedding, our bachelor/ette parties, another music festival, etc. I will have to work harder at doing some big activities during the week - like a long bike ride or something.

I will leave you with some of the best pictures from our Grace Peak hike, starting with ALL THE CRAZY MUSHROOMS WE SAW (these are only a fraction of the mushrooms on that hike!):

\

Namaste!!

Finally LOVING photos of myself!

I will probably delay the hiking photos till tomorrow, because I am lazy and it requires cords and cameras and effort. I am seriously exhausted from the hike yesterday!

The hike itself was really beautiful. The forest was gorgeous, the weather was perfect (we got up at 4 AM so we could start hiking at 6 AM and were done by 3 PM, so we missed being in any sort of heat!), and we had some really lovely views. The path was just very difficult - tight, narrow, uneven, uphill the whole way.

I am back up to 123.2 today - my muscles are definitely swollen from the hike and I KNOW I didn't drink enough water. So I am slightly dehydrated and I overate a little bit at night because I was so hungry from the day/dehydration. Ah well. I know it'll equalize in a day or two as I get back to normal!

But since sharing my engagement photos doesn't require doing anything more than clicking my mouse, I wanted to share the ones I got from the photographer so far.

I just want to say - wow. I've never felt so beautiful! The photographer is AMAZING and took great photos of us, showing us in our best light. She was easy, casual and fun. She kept us laughing and talking to each other, so her photos came out really natural and not so posed. (actually, a number of the photos we weren't aware she was still TAKING photos, we thought she was fiddling with her equipment and just chatting!) I can't wait to see what she does at our wedding :)

So here they are:

This is one of the ones I didn't know she took!

We climbed the small mountain behind Chris' family's cabin for this shoot :)

 

  

One of my favorites :)

 

Had to have my wolf ears for a part of it!!

So this did wonders for my self esteem - it's hard to feel ugly when you are looking at pictures of yourself and only see happiness and love. I really can't rave about the photographer enough. I don't see any of my usual awkwardness or self-consciousness or body issues present in these photos. I just see a gorgeous day with the man I love :)

Feeling mushy and lovey, so sorry for the gushing!

My day is a normal day - had eggs with tomato and avocado, walked the dog, about to do some yoga to get this hiking stiffness out, and then prepping some job applications! Lunch and dinner will be paleo, clean, and simple.

Namaste.

Sore hiking feet, sneak peek picture :)

Had a pretty crazy hike today - 9 miles of unmarked herd path hiking. Very rough on the feet! Constant work to keep my balance. Feeling exhausted, actually. Full body workout for the win, though. I haven't been put through my paces like that in too long!

Can't update too much right now because, as I said, I am exhausted. I have a couple hours with Chris before we crash for the night.

BUT

I got to come home to some pictures posted by my wedding photographer of our engagement session. I wanted to tease you with a silly one. Will post more later :)

Peace <3

Spamalot, Vegetarian dinner, Weight

Chris and I decided to have a quiet weekend in for our physical and MENTAL health.

No drinking all day at a music festival. No crazy BBQ feasts with friends. No traveling. No packing bags. Sleeping in our OWN bed (which matters since Chris is away Mon-Fri AND we go away every weekend).

Just us, our time, our needs, and what we want :)

And let me tell you - best decision ever. I am so rested and calm and sated this morning.

Last night was date night. We went to a free production of Spamalot in Washington Park (and it was really funny and an overall good show!). I had gone to the co-op and bought us a bunch of vegetarian salads (quinoa/apple/sweet potato, sesame broccoli slaw, tabbouleh, and a beet/bean sprout salad), the Hawaiian coconut pudding, and Moroccan mint tea to eat while we waited for the show to start - have to get there early to stake out good seats!

Vegetarian Dinner!!

Show started just as the sun set - perfect!

The dinner was super healthy, insanely delicious, and reasonably cheap. Add a free show to that (one that made us laugh the whole time), and we were riding pretty high :)

It is nice to do something together and keep it healthy, keep it cheap, and keep it AWESOME!

Doing my body good pays off - big time. Weighed in at 121.8 this morning. I am on a roll, kids. Seriously. It's been five months of slow and steady progress. And I have to be really diligent to get weight off of me when I am already at my lowest weight. I have 1.9 pounds to go to see my goal :)

I slept in late this morning, woke up to Chris having completed almost all the house projects we had on the list for the day, so I made him a breakfast of bacon (nitrate-free!), eggs, mushrooms and onions.

Life is good - because we are MAKING it good. It takes a little bit of effort, but the pay off is incredible. Big smiles today.

Love and Light!

Hawaiian style coconut pudding!

Okay, the picture does not do this justice.

It. Was. Amazing.

I went to our local co-op to stock up on some nice summer salads (like a quinoa sweet potato apple salad and a broccoli slaw) for Chris and I to have a little picnic while watching a free play in the city park :) And I saw this amazing little product:

Creamy! AMAZING! Mmm. I bought three of them. Love the super clean and organic AND fair trade ingredient list.

I try to be ethical when shopping - I try not to hurt the earth or animals or farmers or... you get the point. It is hard. I can't always do it because I can't always afford it. But I do what I can :) I hope you do, too! It's worth putting a little goodness out there!

And - if we all try to buy local and organic and fair trade and grass fed and pasture raised, it will send a message to the corporate giants like Monsanto. That we value health, our animals, our earth, our people.

A lovely little treat sent me back into thoughts about eating clean and eating ethically. Surprise!! ;)

Namaste, friends, have an amazing weekend if we don't chat till Monday!

Scary Bread!

One of my friends posted this on Facebook, it's a picture of the ingredient list for a regular brand bread:

"Azodicarbonamide - commonly found in frozen dinners and frozen potato and bread products – which is used make things like bleach and foamed plastics like those found in yoga mats (tasty!). 

Azodicarbonamide has been banned in most European countries because it’s known to induce asthma, and is in fact deemed so dangerous that in Singapore its use carries a hefty $500,00 fine and up to 15 years in prison.

Yet, according to the FDA: “[Azodicarbonamide] is approved to be a bleaching agent in cereal flour and is permitted for direct addition to food for human consumption.”"

Read your ingredients, people. If you don't know what it is, put the product down. 

You want a tasty bread? Even though I don't eat bread anymore, I know what tasty bread is. Try http://www.ozarknaturalbreads.com/. Look at the ingredient list for their AMAZING Greek Olive Rosemary Sourdough: Organic unbleached wheat flour, organic rye flour, water, kalamata olives, black olives, cultured wheat, rosemary, salt, and yeast.

You can read, pronounce, and understand all of the ingredients. Imagine that!

I love eating paleo, but if I was a bread eater, you can be damned sure it would be clean, limited ingredient bread. There is no reason to poison yourself for convenience!

I am about to go crash for a few minutes, I babysat and then took the dog on his walk and needed a shower right after because it is so hot out! Need to relax in the AC (thank heavens for the first world!).

Namaste <3

Sarongs!

Best item to wear in the intense heat? Sarongs!!

I am putting on sunscreen constantly but still ending up with a pretty intense tan this year!

Look at all the awesome ways to wear a saraong :D

You would never have caught me wearing a tiny, flimsy piece of wrap around fabric even 20 pounds ago.

Reminded me of when I'd wear huge tshirts and long pants in the summer when I was obese- thinking I was hiding >.< So wrong! I wish I had worried about myself and my comfort a little more back then and to hell with what people thought!

I also brought Koda to the fountain in the park so he could cool off :)

Stay cool out there folks!

Namaste.

Recovery, Seltzer, and some Blog Criticisms

Still in the 122s today - but up to 122.6. Normal fluctuations, I suppose. Especially since the festival and the insane weather have been putting my body through the wringer!

I am trying to stay hydrated in this heat. I drank a huge coconut water on Monday to try to get a jump on things and bought two 12 packs of seltzer as well as four of these:

Sweet Mother of Delicious Times!

to entice me to drink even if I am not feeling it (I am not always the best at getting my water in). The recovery from the festival has been tough - I've taken three naps since I've been back and slept almost 12 hours two days in a row. 

I am not a 20 year old anymore. I cannot really have a total of 12 hours of sleep for three nights. My body is rebelling. IT WAS SO WORTH IT, THOUGH! Wow - I am still reeling from the fun and great times and good people this weekend. Big smiles.

However, this weekend will be a quiet one :) Some of our friends are heading to another festival. Not me. I want some down time!!

Anyway - I've been seeing some things in blog world that have been irking me. I read a LOT of blogs (it's my downtime for the day) and I usually just read and go on my merry way. But this weird trend makes me twitch: blaming inanimate objects for your shortcomings or things you don't like about yourself.

Things I hate to read:

- I hope the scale is good to me

- I'm not getting along with the mirror

- The scale and I are having a fight

- The mirror was mean to me

I studied linguistics for a while in school (part of my anthropology degree) and I am well aware that HOW we say things really affect how we THINK about things. So these "cutesy" turns of phrases really irk me.

I hope YOU were good to YOU.

The scale and the mirror are innocent bystanders here (I shouldn't personalize them by calling them bystanders SINCE IT IS AN OBJECT WITH NO FEELINGS). It is telling you how much you really weigh in the real world.

I can understand having eating or body disorders and NOT wanting to weigh yourself. Hell, I understand not wanting to look in the mirror. I didn't look in a mirror for maybe five years straight. I had a really ritualized process to do my bathroom things so I would never accidentally glimpse myself in the mirror. I was a very disordered eater and have severe body image issues. There are legitimate reasons not to weigh yourself or gaze into the mirror out there.

I'm not trying to bash on that.

However, I am asking everyone out there to get real. Be more realistic.

It's not the mirror or the scale. It's you. You weigh what you weigh. You look how you look. You also have a decent amount of control over these things. I know it's not easy. I wouldn't have been obese for over a decade if it was easy.

But being cutesy and silly and writing blog posts about how the scale was mean to you? It takes responsibility away from you, even subconsciously. 

It's not a super legitimate reason not to get on the scale because you "are mad at it" (translation: you gained weight and don't want to face it).

Own your reasons. Own your behavior.

I want the best for myself. I want the best for all of you.

I didn't lose weight till I got REALLY FREAKING REAL. I got on that scale every day, even when I knew it was going to say something that would make me cringe - but it made me cringe because I knew *I* was the one responsible for that number. The scale is a tool. So is the mirror. So is the fit of your pants.

It's important to get your mind right in this process.

So let's get real, let's get honest, and let's freaking ROCK this life :)

Namaste!

Cheez-its, Oreos and Festival Weigh-in

Okay - I am starting to be recovered from the festival. Wow. Not fully, but I am working on it. Resting and filling myself with tons of water and good, clean food.

Got to babysit in a little bit, which I am scared of, because I don't really have the energy for a four year old. But I will pay the price for my raging and suffer through it :)

I weighed in this morning to some really great news: 122!

Yesssssss.

I stayed paleo for the first day and a half of the festival, but did not stay sober. Not being sober definitely started to chip away at my resolve and by Saturday, I ate half a box of Cheez-its and Oreos. Holy Crap.

However, you have to understand what the festival is like - by mid-afternoon, it is in full swing and you are not hanging out at your campsite, you are running around the music and dancing for about 8 - 10 hours straight! We missed dinner EVERY night, hahaha. But we ate eggs and bacon for breakfast every morning and a big lunch. The junk food was a late night binge that I knew weren't good, clean food - but the calories were desperately needed!

I am paying for the things I ate in the form of a slightly upset stomach and more weariness than I might have had otherwise. We did eat most of our paleo food that we brought - the Lara bars were great snacks for when we were caught at the music and couldn't leave (because there was more music!)

All in all - I did as good of a job as I possibly could for living in a field for three days and nights, with my main goal focused on hearing music and dancing for the better part of a day :D I regret nothing!!! Seriously, I don't - this is a hedonistic weekend, for sure, and I indulged with glee at certain points. I did no long lasting damage and am right back on track this week.

Three more pounds to go before I see a weight under 120 for the first time in my life - I am excited and moving towards it. 

Chris took a photo of my tattoo at the festival (I love my orange sarong!) because it was peeking out a lot and he was enjoying it - I love the pic, so I wanted to share:

Off to babysit! Namaste, friends :)

Sometimes there are no words!

Sometimes there are no words that could possible describe an experience. And if there are, I simply do not have them right now.

I got back home before noon today from three days and nights at Camp Bisco. We had perfect weather (no rain, no bugs, no humidity, not too hot, light breezes), perfect music (the Disco Biscuits put on a legendary weekend of music), and perfect friendship and laughter.

There are so many stories, so many memories, and so much happiness in me right now! Totally pleased.

I will discuss eating and whatnot later - today is FOR LIFE, the real stuff that matters: heart and spirit and music and beauty. I will let the pictures give you a glimpse:

Beautiful skies and balloon lines!

One of the dance/dj tents

Can you see the sign? Love it!

the "before I die" board - my favorite is "I will marry my best friend"

Cat totem neighbors in our camping area!

Love the sunset AND the guy with the red mohawk

Friendship

During Passion Pit

super long glow stick line!

The Disco Biscuits

Lanterns in the sky at sunrise

Feeling great inside and out today -  I will remember this weekend forever (best Bisco yet!). 

Namaste :)