Just a quick follow up to my last post...
I have no intention of giving up my paleo template :)
It is an undeniably perfect way for me to eat - my body responds well to it with amazing energy levels, reduced inflammation, overall better general health.
The reason I am looking into help for my control issues/obsessive behaviors is because I have this idea that is is possible to live in a more balanced, peaceful way.
That balance is STILL eating the way I currently eat (clean, paleo, moderate) BUT without all the stress, obsession and strict control that I must currently employ TO eat that way.
This way of eating does not come naturally to me. I must remind myself constantly how to eat, what to do. I keep tabs on my phone, I let my daily weight affect my mood, etc. I think about weight and food and my body so much of the day.
I believe total health resides in a space where there is peace with food (and food how *I* want - clean, paleo, etc).
And, please, the takeaway message here IS NOT about food. It is about my anxiety, stress and grief. The way I deal with those things is by maintaining a death grip control over my body and my food. That's not right and that's not healthy.
The goal here isn't just to maintain a healthy weight (though that is PART of the goal), the goal is to find overall health... that includes everything, including HOW I maintain a healthy weight, my mindset, my ability to be at peace.
This is all exploration, I am not someone easily led astray from what I know is right (I am insanely strong minded) but I am also very open to listening and learning from other viewpoints.
This is a crazy journey, this life.