One of my dear friends, who is a lovely man, did something that horrified me the other day (I briefly mentioned it on my blog). His girlfriend is eating paleo this month and struggling with it. He walked into the room where we were trying to avoid the smorgasbord in the dining room with a piece of red velvet cake WITH A PIECE OF MELTED PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM CAKE frosted over top - he was proud of his treat and was showing it off to his girl.
If my fiance did that to me, well, he might end up with that cake all over his face.
Thankfully, not only does Chris try not to indulge in junk when I am around (and even when I'm not!), he would never dream of making sure I knew there was junk food being enjoyed around me. He might have wanted cake that night, but he joined the ranks of those abstaining to A) feel good HIMSELF and B) make abstaining easier for the rest of us.
I couldn't be more grateful.
I know I wouldn't be where I am if he didn't stand by my side. He not only encourages me to eat well but has made it important in HIS life, as well. Now, because he finds it important, there is absolutely NO arguing or misunderstandings about food.
I really think couples who are struggling with this need to have some deep heart-to-heart talks. This isn't just about vanity. This is about life - long life and quality of life. I've lost TOO many people in my life who didn't take care of themselves, who put poison into their bodies (cigarettes or food).
I met Chris, I fell in love, and I became terrified of losing him.
I want us both to do everything in OUR power to give ourselves a chance at a healthy, happy, long life. It might be taken away by forces not in our control, but if that happens - I won't feel guilty or bad because I know we tried. We loved each other and ourselves enough to try for that life.
It was actually a genuine heartfelt talk like that that convinced Chris to stop smoking cigs. The talk wasn't about the cigarettes (and the talk shouldn't be ABOUT junk food), it was about my fear of losing him too early. That I wanted more for us.
It's something to think about and to work towards. Some of the most successful weight loss bloggers I've seen have pretty awesome partners (or if they are single, they have great support networks). It CAN be done on your own - but why make it so much harder?
Also, I wanted to share this awesome resource about WHY it's important to eat organic (more nutritious, safer, free of additives/pesticides) and how to do it on a budget:
My husband eats horribly. But he is supportive. I have also learned that my choices are my own. Having less than stellar choices around the house isn't always easy, but since I want to feel good, I usually don't have a problem (these days).
ReplyDeleteHe has the info. He knows what he should eat. He isn't ready. It makes me sad, because I know he could feel so much better and be so much healthier. But, I can't control that. I cook dinners that are healthy, and grocery shop for good stuff. The things I can control, I do. I hold out hope that eventually he'll get there....
Lucky you that Chris is on board!
A supportive partner is key! If you don't have that support, there's the danger of them becoming a saboteur or an enabler. Like Chris, my hubby was super supportive when I was losing weight and follows Paleo with me now., I'm blessed:-)
ReplyDeleteMy husband could be better in the passive supporting category. He says all the right things, will eat what I make, but eats still what he wants. I'm ok with it, because I am so firmly entrenched in primal living, that I'm impervious to whatever he might be indulging in. Not a hint of a craving for me. It's kinda like religion; while I can wish he was more into it, he's an adult and can do his thing. He loves and respects me and takes pride in me, so I have to let him be himself, same as how he's letting me be myself. But an active primal partner WOULD be best. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad I waited between my ex and finding a new life partner. Now that I've made the transition from the SAD to Primal/Paleo I'll be looking for different qualities.
DeleteI had a feeling to wait. Good topic. , Jeanette.
I definitely think a supportive partner is crucial! My boyfriend and I are both trying to live a healthier lifestyle.
ReplyDelete:)
You're very lucky. My man is so-so. Like Gwen said "passive supportive". I'm glad that my man recognizes that he can't bring in any of my trigger foods into the house (I'm still having strong cravings for dirty carbs and junk). But... he could do more as he also has some weight to lose. Like Tiffany's husband, mine isn't ready either. All I can do is lead by example.
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you on this. When I met my husband I was in a place of getting healthier, and if he had not been "healthier eating minded" I would not have married him...it's just too difficult to have opposing forces in the house on this. Even now after my surgery he always asks if eating something will bother or tempt me. I got a good one for sure ;)
ReplyDeleteAll the women in my family have lost their husbands in their late 50's & early 60's, so it really would scare me if my husband wasn't active and ate atleast 80% healthy (which he does...but the man loves some gummy bears every now and then..ha!)
Sounds like you have a good one too girl ;)
I think it is great that you and Chris support each other and have the same health goals.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is as supportive as he can be. It doesn't always translate into the kind of support I wish I was receiving. We're too much alike for our own good, meaning we have the same weaknesses. We've each gained 100 lbs during our marriage, which is not good since we were already obese to begin with. We'll figure out what works best for each of us and how we can support each other better. My hope is that it is sooner than later. Well, it just has to be.
I think caring, sharing and being supportive is important.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a type 2 diabetic and to control his blood sugar numbers we have been following a low carb high fat lifestyle. His blood sugar numbers are super, which means he need only take minimal medication. I discovered that by following this lifestyle with him my health and well being has benefited too.
All the best Jan
I'm sure people will say I'm overreacting, but what your friend did to his girlfriend (taunting her with the "forbidden" over-the-top crap) is really passive-aggressive (more on the aggressive side) and I can't understand why he'd do that and think it was funny -- like a little brat nyah-nyah-ing a friend who doesn't have something he has? If his girlfriend were studying for an exam or working on a project for her job would he blast the TV and invite friends over to party? If she were quitting cigarettes, would he blow smoke in her face? There's a really fine line between an inside joke/couples-type teasing and outright meanness -- I don't know either of them and I wasn't there, but I can tell you that if Josh (or my ex husband, when I started eating clean and losing weight) made a big show out of mocking my efforts and dangling crap in front of me, it wouldn't work out well for him. You don't (or shouldn't) need your partner to do everything you do -- drag out the trite Kahlil Gibran, and let there be space in your togetherness -- but when one person is working toward a goal and the other doesn't take it seriously and actively works to make the process more difficult -- that is a sign of their true character. And not a good sign. My ex didn't eat like I do but he ate what I made and never complained; what he got for lunch and what he feeds the kids now is his biz. Josh eats what I make him but he does get himself pizza every couple of weeks -- it doesn't bother me because I'm OVER that kind of food and I don't miss it -- but it would bother me if he started holding it under my nose and making drooling Homer Simpson noises and telling me how great it was.
ReplyDeleteI had VERY strong feelings about his behavior too - I don't want to get involved in their relationship, so I did the only thing I felt I could and that was to make sure she knew she had MY complete support no matter what (she's already lost 10 pounds!). I love both of them, but WOW, that made me step back and arch a brow.
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