Monday, June 3, 2013

Bikini vs. One Piece; Body Image

The lovely Kelly keeps urging me to wear a bikini. She rocks one and thinks I should too! I know most people would look at my pictures and tell me I am ready to wear a bikini, but ah.... the self-consciousness I feel is INTENSE.

My stomach is where I gained most of my weight when I was overweight/obese. I am always super aware of it now, even though no one else is. I'm afraid by wearing a bikini, all of a sudden, everyone else would be super aware of it as well. I know I would be obsessing!!

So, for now, I will be sticking with my one pieces :) For example, I went to a local hiking and swimming area with Koda and Chris yesterday and wore my one piece to enjoy the water with my crazy dog:

I still get to have all of the fun, but not be constantly thinking about how I look.

It made me realize I still have a LONG, looooong way to go before I really, truly love my body as it is. As I've written before, I have some pretty intense body dysmorphia. But I also haven't completely forgiven my past self for letting my body get so out of control. Some loose skin and stretch marks are reminders of that, reminders that really bug me every day.

I am not in a place of acceptance of my body, not yet. I'm working on it, though. I have stopped hiding my body because I know logically it does not deserve to be hidden. I try to stop myself when I catch myself looking in a ton of mirrors and judging my body. I do yoga to find peace with my own body.

It's interesting. Women with a wide variety of bodies will feel comfortable in bikinis. Other women, also with a wide variety of bodies, wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini.

We are all so different and all dealing with so many tough things regarding body imagine, confidence, and value.

I definitely am affected by the media's idea of what a "bikini body" is, how they constantly rip apart every flaw of a celebrity that is wearing a bikini, lauding the most perfect bodies and slamming the others. I am not perfect. I never will be. And it freaks me out! It shouldn't, but it does. 

My hope is that my future daughters or granddaughters will be comfortable in their own skin in a way I never was.

Namaste <3


  1. I just found your blog. I have a Motivation Monday link up and we all get together with weight loss tips and progress. Will you join us today?

  2. Hey, it's all up to you. When you're ready, you'll wear it, and you'll still be lovely. And if you never are ready, that's ok too. I maintain you've got nothing to worry about. :-)

  3. Hi! Found you from the Monday link thing from Wendy above, and so happy to find another paleo (well, I'm 'primal') devotee! We gotta stick together! :D

  4. I'm still intensely uncomfortable in a one piece. I AM trying to be accepting and less self conscious, but it's VERY difficult. I probably won't ever wear a 2 piece. The loose skin I have after massive weight gain & 3 pregnancies and c-sections is not going anywhere without surgery. *sigh* Just keep working on it I suppose :/

  5. I dealt with body dysmorphia for years!!! It really wasn't up until a few months ago that I began to cut myself some slack. I took some family photos a few months ago and for once I felt good about them. I noticed that I didn't get them and start picking them apart with what looks wrong with me. I feel extremely blessed to finally begin to love what I see. When I was about 50lbs lighter than I am now, I couldn't have said I loved my body. It is truly freeing to not feel constant self judgement. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from in how you feel about your body and how critical we can become of ourselves. If anything, I just wanted to write you to let you know that body dysmorphia is overcomable<---(is that a word). It will take some work but I think that our journey to better health can be coupled with a journey to self acceptance as well. I wish you the best!

  6. Hello I found your page and whew am I glad I did.... I have so much to say but I will try to make it brief. I love that you are so open and honest about your body image struggles. I have worked with males and females who have that same issue (Im a therapist) and believe me it is rough but sooo managable. Is that a thigh piece tatoo on your leg? It looks great if it is.. I often see women who are bigger than me love their bodies and wear two pieces and i must admit Im a little jealous. I am one who struggles with a one peiece and Im not leaving my house without a cover up... Well Im your newest follower! Have a great week!!!


    1. Thanks for the comment! Yep, it's a thigh piece :) is a close up of it when I got it!