Christmas

Christmas used to be a huge deal.

To my family, my dad... to me.

I'm not.... really doing much for Christmas this year. No decorations. Very few gifts to be given. No big meal on Christmas day. No traditions.

I don't miss the endless baked goods my dad would provide for the holidays... I just miss him.

I *am* sending out Christmas cards for the first time every... 65 of them, haha! I am taking over my dad's love of sending Christmas cards. It meant a lot to him. And I had all the addresses already compiled because I sent out my Save the Dates for the wedding.

I will see my family (uncles, cousins and the like) on Christmas eve.

I will be with Chris on Christmas.

Sigh.

There is a sadness here, this year.

I do have a full social calendar leading up to Christmas: a party this Friday, two parties on Saturday, work party next Friday, an "end of the world" party after that on Friday, and then I am leaving to go to NYC for four days for the New Years.

And it all feels a little empty.

Well, I am looking at this as an opportunity to make new traditions. Traditions that aren't super commercial, money-focused and food-focused. Next year, my holidays are going to be about sharing time with my new husband, creating a family, and living a full life. Chris and I love the winter solstice... we are thinking of creating some traditions around that.

It's different this year. This year hurts. But I am lucky to not be self-imploding right now. I am alive and that's all I need to be this year. Next year, we can do a little bit more :)