Some pics from vacay!

Just to keep track: weighed in at 124.6 this morning (yay!)

These are some pictures Chris took of me during vacation. I still haven't uploaded my pictures because I have been seriously exhausted since we got back and now I am on the road again for work. Soon, though! I saw so many beautiful things!

Starting our backpacking trip!

Waiting for dinner at camp

Just after Chris proposed to me (and we were done hugging and crying, hehe)

At Stanley Park, never thought I would like a picture taken of me from behind!

At the beach in Vancouver... I love this picture because it's candid and I feel pretty :D

It felt great not to feel self conscious on vacation, not to worry about having my picture taken! That has never, never, never been a truth for me. It is a huge weight and a huge stress off my shoulders and mind to not need to think poorly of myself. To just BE in these places and not obsessive in my head.

I wish I could share this feeling, let people know how good and how possible it is to make better choices, that it is hard but not TOO hard in the end, because it is worth it.

I have been 199 pounds. I was there for years. I come from a dysfunctional-eating family. My family are large people. I was a binge eater. I was eating disordered. I was an emotional eater.

The change took a long time, but has been getting better and easier and I have slowly been coming to a place where I see a life of normalcy ahead of me.

I did NOT track my food on vacation. I did not track it the weekend before (a wedding and a day in Brooklyn with friends). I did not track it the weekend I got back. I ate mostly paleo, I ate when I was hungry, I tried to get in my proteins first, I drank tons of water. It felt amazing to see that almost 3 weeks of no tracking kept me at my lowest weight I've been at since I was a young teenager.

I see a future for myself where I won't have to count every calorie. Right now, as I ease back into work and life, I am back to tracking calories and macronutrients. But for the first time, I am learning to trust myself, to trust that I finally WANT to take care of my body and will make good choices. I am not caught in a cycle of self-harm right now... I want to stay out.

I am smiling while writing this. I trust myself! I am starting to really, truly, honestly love myself and be proud of myself.

:)

So coming up: pictures and a little talk about wedding anxiety (ALREADY! ... especially potential dress shopping this fall)

Yikes!

Love and light, my friends.