I am an anxious person (probably why I turned to eating in the past!)
I want to marry Chris sooner rather than later. We hope to get this done by fall 2013.
The reality of that has been hitting me lately. Planning a wedding (and his family wants a real wedding celebration with all the family!) is not something I really want to do... ^.^ The thought of all the planning that goes into a large event like that terrifies me!
We also have conflicting family-wants/needs with the wedding, which stresses me out... I just want everyone to have a nice time! A wedding is about your nearest and dearest witnessing you promising your life to someone, starting your new life with you.
I've always WANTED a wedding, I wanted to be in a gorgeous dress and dance with friends and family at a party celebrating my love. Now that it is real, I cannot fathom actually planning this out and making it happen. I want to be this weight and maybe fitter by next fall... I worry about being so anxious, about turning to food. I will stay aware and work on that not happening, haha!
Biggest point of stress: wedding dress/wedding dress shopping.
I HATE shopping with other people. I hate to have people see me in clothes I haven't yet decided look decent on me. I don't want people to consider how a dress looks on my body. I don't want to stand in front of people I know, mirrors, and employees in a dress while they all look at me. I don't want anyone judging how I look in a dress (even if they are doing it lovingly to help me pick a dress that flatters me!)
Is that strange? Ugh.
I do love wedding dresses, though (guilty pleasure: watching Say Yes to the Dress!). I actually am very excited about getting to wear a gorgeous gown for the first time in my life. I've never paid more than 100 dollars for a dress, and that was only for bridesmaid dresses, haha. Also, being at this point in my health journey, I think I might actually like how I look in a beautiful dress (I could never picture feeling that way in the past!) I really am looking forward to dress shopping.... just not with anyone. I feel like a huge weirdo.
Chris' mom is extremely excited about the process, wants to come shopping, wants his side of the family to come, too! I am a people-pleaser, I don't know how to say no. Being a people-pleaser, I especially don't want people with me, because I will want THEM to be happy more than me.
For now, I am looking online at dresses stress-free :D and dreaming!