Saturday, January 3, 2015

Weight up-- a lot!

I decided to weigh in today, since it's been a couple days since I've checked in.

And I knew I wouldn't like it. And I didn't!

127 >.<

The last time I weighed that was last February after a crazy weekend where we had the most decadent meal of our lives plus a party the next day. I actually weighed 128. But it was a blip that went back to normal over the course of a week or two. (That was the week I decided to see a counselor, actually - a move that helped me learn to be more "normal" in my thoughts about food and weight)

The day after New Year's eve I truly ate poorly. I didn't over eat or binge, but the only veggie I ate was some lettuce on half a sandwich and the spinach in my chicken saag. And remember I had beers the night before? I can't drink beer without major physiological side effects. Which is why I don't drink it much at all anymore.

Initially, when I saw the number on the scale, I had a lot of bad feelings. The scale, in that moment, wasn't just a tool, but a judgment as to how I had done it all wrong and had to pay the price. I felt shame and guilt.

But, I sat down to write my blog post in order to sort out my feelings. Feeling that way about a number on the scale is not healthy and not helpful. It is a tool - a tool that I can use to know when I've gotten off track and when I need to tighten up. A tool that doesn't let me fool myself!

My old, disordered thought patterns are really hard to completely eliminate. I have them a lot, actually. The difference between me now and me from a year or two ago is that I stop when I have those thoughts and try to be rational with them. I force myself to remember that I am not a bad person because I gained weight. This is not about my character.

I gained weight because I made purposeful choices to eat off plan, to drink alcohol, to lose a night of sleep and to be inactive for a couple of days.

I will lose the weight because I am now making choices to eat clean, not eat grains, get active, get back on a regular sleep pattern and to not drink.

In fact, I signed up today for that class I took last week. Remember, the one that absolutely kicked my butt from here to Wednesday :-)

I will be lighter tomorrow in body. I will be lighter in spirit today <3


  1. I know that when I start a new exercise it usually increases my appetite. Maybe give yourself some extra protein after your fitness class to keep yourself full!

  2. You have a healthy attitude to go along with your healthy lifestyle. Enjoy your workout.

  3. 2-3 weeks. That's how long it takes to heal your gut up from the grains- IMO. It's going to take that long to get healed up and get the inflammation back down again.

    It happens. Next time, before you crack open a high inflammatory food... stop, ask yourself "I choose this" remember you will see a higher number on the scale. Decide if it's worth it. (it may very well be, you are young and can bounce back quick)

    Own the outcome- either putting it down OR own the weight gain and inflammation . Looks like you already have. At some point the yo-yo and the ownership will balance out. Onward.

    1. I hear you on all those points, Karen! And normally a 3-4 lb gain would NOT be worth it .. It was for NYE and I made my choice. Now to deal with the consequence of having a higher weight while I heal!

    2. Yeah. Ownership of choices. That's good. Most do not own. Kudos to you and freedom to choose. :)

  4. Life is full of ups and downs. You got this. :)