The day of her funeral was sunshiny bright, though quite cold. But a lovely day.
I feel a sense of closure after all the services. The priest was so kind when he spoke of her - he knew her, her beautiful humor, her subtle strength, her class, her love. I'll miss her for the rest of my life, but I'm at peace.
I spent the rest of the day with Chris, as he took the day off. We ran errands, took a long walk, watched TV in bed, and just took our time to rest.
Lots of animal snuggles, too (there is a black cat in this cuddle pic, I swear!):
At the getogether after the funeral, there was salad, two types of pasta, and chicken parm. So not great for not choosing grains! I had a huge plate of salad and a small piece of chicken, breading and all. I was starving after the long hours at the funeral home, the church and the cemetery. One last off plan meal kept small.
I ate eggs and sautéed veggies for dinner, drank a lot of water.
Weighed in at 124.4 this morning! I feel so relieved. I know I was surrounded by grains for the past week and there was a stark lack of veggies available, but I never gave myself permission to go off the rails and overeat. Like many pointed out, and as I have learned, food will not heal the hurts of my spirit.
I used exercise to help calm myself this week, which has been overall really beneficial (less anxiety, a feeling of pride, better sleep, etc). Lots of walks, serious yoga time, and some at-home cardio/strength workouts.
I ate moderate portions this past week, and often tried to pick the slightly-less harmful food (for example, at the dinner at my uncles after the wake, the only food was sandwiches, but I didn't eat the roll, just the meat and cheese) that helped mitigate off-plan food choices.
I am still recovering from the grains, processed sugars and other junk.. I'm itchy all over and pretty broken out.
I feel am extreme sense of relief to be back to normal today. No intense emotional rituals, no forced social engagements after hours of not eating, no limited food choices.
I almost fell down the rabbit hole of grief and emotional eating during this time. But I pulled myself out before I fell through.
And, as suggested, I will return to dedicating time each day to working through my anxiety (I have a work book that was recommended by my therapist last year, but I haven't taken the time to go through yet).
Progress is my goal... I'm not perfect, but I do want to do better, and know I can <3