Wednesday, January 21, 2015

It's all done..

The family plots at the cemetery are filled... My grandpa first, then my mom, my dad, and now my grandma. I'm glad they are all together again, spiritually. Each successive loss hurt those left behind worse and worse. My grandmother was so tired. 

The day of her funeral was sunshiny bright, though quite cold. But a lovely day.

I feel a sense of closure after all the services. The priest was so kind when he spoke of her - he knew her, her beautiful humor, her subtle strength, her class, her love. I'll miss her for the rest of my life, but I'm at peace. 

I spent the rest of the day with Chris, as he took the day off. We ran errands, took a long walk, watched TV in bed, and just took our time to rest.

Lots of animal snuggles, too (there is a black cat in this cuddle pic, I swear!):


At the getogether after the funeral, there was salad, two types of pasta, and chicken parm. So not great for not choosing grains! I had a huge plate of salad and a small piece of chicken, breading and all. I was starving after the long hours at the funeral home, the church and the cemetery. One last off plan meal kept small.

I ate eggs and sautéed veggies for dinner, drank a lot of water.

Weighed in at 124.4 this morning! I feel so relieved. I know I was surrounded by grains for the past week and there was a stark lack of veggies available, but I never gave myself permission to go off the rails and overeat. Like many pointed out, and as I have learned, food will not heal the hurts of my spirit.

I used exercise to help calm myself this week, which has been overall really beneficial (less anxiety, a feeling of pride, better sleep, etc). Lots of walks, serious yoga time, and some at-home cardio/strength workouts. 

I ate moderate portions this past week, and often tried to pick the slightly-less harmful food (for example, at the dinner at my uncles after the wake, the only food was sandwiches, but I didn't eat the roll, just the meat and cheese) that helped mitigate off-plan food choices.

I am still recovering from the grains, processed sugars and other junk.. I'm itchy all over and pretty broken out.

I feel am extreme sense of relief to be back to normal today. No intense emotional rituals, no forced social engagements after hours of not eating, no limited food choices.

I almost fell down the rabbit hole of grief and emotional eating during this time. But I pulled myself out before I fell through.

And, as suggested, I will return to dedicating time each day to working through my anxiety (I have a work book that was recommended by my therapist last year, but I haven't taken the time to go through yet).

Progress is my goal... I'm not perfect, but I do want to do better, and know I can <3

9 comments:

  1. I don't know what you consider broken out, but your skin looks just fine in your pic!

    Glad that your grandma is at peace, but am sorry because I know you will miss her so much. I hope the rest of your week is relaxing and peaceful. Namaste!

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    1. The fuzzy phone pic helps me! :D I actually break out more on other parts of my body, like my chest over my sternum, for some reason.

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  2. Big hugs to you, sweetie. You are doing great, and I'm sure you will be at your happy weight by Valentine's Day. :)

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  3. (Hugs) Jeanette. Loss is so hard, but I'm glad you are at peace about her passing. I have one grandma left who is 89 who is so very tired and tired of her aged body hurting. She's ready, but I will miss her dearly when she "gives up the ghost" as they say. I am glad you are back to your normal routine with food/exercise/life in general :)

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    1. Blessings to you. You sound good. Your wonderful memories will see you through. Congrats on the weight. I know what that means. For those of us who have struggled with weight, an upswing on the scale, at the time of grief, just makes things more difficult. Just a word of experience. We may get through the trauma without a gain, but be aware that the aftermath of a challenging experience can throw us off balance. Plan well of your food, your time, your activities, and your support system, and you will be okay.

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  5. "I feel a sense of closure after all the services. The priest was so kind when he spoke of her - he knew her, her beautiful humor, her subtle strength, her class, her love. I'll miss her for the rest of my life, but I'm at peace.

    I spent the rest of the day with Chris, as he took the day off. We ran errands, took a long walk, watched TV in bed, and just took our time to rest."

    I think this sounds as it should be .......

    God Bless

    All the best Jan

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  6. You have lost so many loved ones for your young age :) I lost my Mum when I was 21 and my father when I was in my 30s. I only had one living grandparent and she died when I was 15. One thing we learn is to cherish those around us and I know you do this :)

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  7. I'm sending you a big hug. I am sorry about your losses but so proud of your maturity and strength in handling them. It is never easy to keep your chin up and your choices the best when going through a hard time, take care of you!

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