I freaking cannot stop thinking about it!!!!
In fact, today I found in my lunchbox a chocolate that my husband had secreted away there as a special treat for me... LAST WEEK! I never found it then, so his intentions were great, but the fact that I found it today, while annoyed at work? Augh. I almost ate it.. I had the thought that I could just eat it, never tell anyone, and no one would know that I ate chocolate in a month I promised myself I wouldn't. It wouldn't even matter to anyone else. Whose life does it affect if *I* eat chocolate??
In the end, I decided that it would matter to me. So I immediately texted Chris and told him I found the chocolate (I also wanted to make sure he didn't put it in my lunchbox today in some weird sabotage move... He didn't!). By telling him, I brought some accountability to my actions. That way, at least one other person would know I had broken my promise. I don't want to be seen as someone who can't stick to her convictions. It gave me strength.
So, I brought it home, and gave it to him while he was raking leaves :) He ate it gratefully!!
But NOT eating chocolate at night is also driving me up a wall! I keep imaging the sugar rush, the texture, the sweetness, the indulgent pleasure after a long day. Haha.. They do say that sugar evokes the same sort of pleasure in the brain as opiates. I get it. Total chocolate addict.
So, obviously, it was a good idea to eliminate it. No good comes from a specific food having that strong of a hold over me!
Though I am a firm believer in the fact that it is not shameful to take pleasure from the food you are eating, in the end, food is fuel. It isn't life, just a means by which to sustain life.
Moving on, moving on. No chocolate. I ate a lot of really delicious, really nutritious food today. I am full and sated. I did a lot of great work on my dissertation after work, and am now drinking strawberry seltzer with a splash of lemon juice in bed while I watch Survivor ;)
There are better things to focus on than food in life. I just have to shake the bad habits and retrain my brain so that all my energies can go to that more important stuff!!