Thursday, February 19, 2015

Dealing with stress: Finances, Insurance

So it's not a secret that I don't have a lot of money, and I'm not financially stable or comfortable... I'm always working to BE that way (finishing my PhD, looking for jobs) but that's where we are right now.

It's almost a full time job managing my stress about it!

I do ok, I remind myself that as long as I have my family/pets and we all have good and shelter, that's all that really matters (of course I'm always terrified that some small link in the chain - like the car - will break, causing a reaction where I can't get to work, we can't pay our bills, lose the ability to have food and shelter... I'm an anxious person).

So when I get a letter in the mail that my insurance company won't cover a $1400 doctors bill, I panic. Now, I'm taking care of it everyway I can (calling insurance and the doctors, trying to get it rebilled/recoded, having the doc write a letter of medical necessity)... But I'm also stressed out... A lot.

I can't seem to relax the tension in my neck and shoulders and I want to cry! 

It's an exaggerated response to this situation.

I know that. But that "knowing" never seems enough to reduce my stress/anxiety. I keep thinking about almost a month's wages lost, how that will affect us. Ugh.

I'm hopeful this will get straightened out -- I just tell you this to let you know what's been going on in my life (it's been the foremost thought in my head the last 3 days) and try to relate this to the purpose of my blog ... The finding health in all ways. Body, mind and spirit.

It's a much longer process to heal my mind and spirit from the sicknesses that have plagued me my whole life than it was to heal my body.

Even now- my physical health remains good. Just got my BP read, the nurse laughed and said "well, you'll never have to worry about hypertension, huh? Perfect BP!"... They weighed me in at 125. Everything checks out.

Amidst the stress, I'm eating well, sleeping, taking care. Because if I fail my physical body, the rest of me doesn't have much of a chance!

I've been working on the anxiety... But this situation showed me I have a long ways to go, still. I can reduce my anxiety in day to day life, but when a "blip" happens (especially regarding money/jobs/etc), I revert really quickly to old patterns.

So I tell you this because I'm far from perfect and have this whole living thing far from figured out. I'm not turning to food/alcohol to mitigate my stress (which is great!), but my stress is out of control. I know I don't have to feel like this.

What I've been turning to recently:

- husband cuddles

- dog/cat snuggles 

- bubble baths

- terrible but entertaining TV

And tonight, we are going over to a friends house, and making her dinner because she recently had knee surgery that is keeping her immobile. So I get the benefit of having a good time with my friend, doing something really nice for someone, and eating a healthy dinner that I cooked!

I'm still a work in process -- this anxiety, that was probably one of the main reasons I got obese in the first place, is still something that plagues me. My weight was a symptom, and though I fixed that symptom, there's still a lot to be done.

I'll do it :)


  1. I think a lot of young people feel the same way. You seem ahead of the game in a lot of ways (owning instead of renting, earning money at a job while you continue to educate yourself, refusing to live above your means, etc.). You're a smart and resourceful woman and I hope your anxiety lessens soon. ((hugs))

    1. Thank you - very sweet to hear that (it's nice to get some reassurance I'm doing things right... or as right as I can at the moment!)

  2. Awww, sorry to hear about the insurance! I hope when you appeal it, you win.

    Question...if things are financially so dire, is it the best time to think about getting pregnant? Just wondering if waiting until things improve financially might be a better choice? (hope you don't get upset with the question.)

    1. Trust me- it's a big worry. But I don't think we'll ever be MUCH better off than we are now... And I really don't want that to mean I don't get to have a family. If I wait much longer (I'm going to be 33 soon), I might not get to have a child.

  3. learn to meditate..your brain needs a quiet calm sanctuary..i have beem meditating for 25 years
    you need to attend to your mental health not focus on the physical
    be well

    1. I definitely understand I need to focus on my mental health -- I also don't think I can be completely healthy if I let my physical health suffer. For so long, I was physically sick because of my emotional issues, I can't go back to that.

      I would say my bubble baths that I mentioned (almost daily at this point!) are meditation time for me... it is a time to be calm, quiet, relaxed.

  4. So many of today's younger people feel and are going through what you are experiencing. Does that make it right or any easier ? NO.

    Life has never been easy and we need support to get through both the highs and lows and the more even times.

    Having read and followed you for some time now,I am sure you and Chris will help and support each other as you sort things through. Life may become too boring if everything was easy - having said that there are times when we all sigh a huge breath as something is slightly more easy than we first thought.

    Sending positive thoughts your way.

    All the best Jan