Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Optimism, Disordered use of the scale

Asking for the universe to take some care with me right now! I am hopeful. A friend heard about a job with the city where she works that would be perfect for me, and sent along my information. She did this out of the blue and just because she knows I am in need right now. It makes me dangerously optimistic! But I keep getting optimistic and nothing comes of it (seriously - museums won't even respond to my desire to VOLUNTEER, much less to work there!).

My adviser did hook me up with a teaching job in the spring, and though it's just one class, it's great - as a resume builder AND to stop this cycle of unemployment.

Things just feel so overwhelming and impossible much of the time. I am putting my trust in karmic balance that at SOME point, good things will start to happen just like all the bad things.

I want so much to just BE. But I do feel as if I am struggling (and flailing about wildly) lately.

Soooo, I was thinking today as I did my daily weigh in (121.8, which was great!)-

I know that I have some leftover bad habits from when I was fully immersed in my disordered eating - I weigh myself every day (I used to weigh myself up to a dozen times a day!). I rarely use body measurements (which are a better indicator of success and fitness than the scale, which is so easily affected by menstrual cycles or if I didn't drink enough water or whatever.

I took my measurements today, standard bust-waist-hip at 33-26-35. I remember the last time I took my waist measurements were over a year ago, before I went paleo and I was hovering between 29 and 30 inches. That's a great 3 inches of fat off my abdomen since embarking on this journey of eating paleo, eating clean, and focusing on exercise (not just the weekend hikes I used to do, but purposeful exercise daily even if it is just yoga).

It would be better if I just used weekly measurements to make sure I was still where I wanted to be!

Gwen urged me to not weigh in every day, especially in these days leading up to my wedding. But, as I said, I feel as if I am striving and struggling here, and for some reason, I just can't give it up. I sometimes will skip a day. And sometimes (like this coming weekend) I will be camping and not near a scale for four days. I am not so addicted to the scale that this fact bothers me (it's actually kind of a relief!).

Like I said, the use of the scale is not as intense as when I was in the height of my disordered eating, but it's is a leftover symptom of a way to feel some control. This is not the month I am ready to deal with that problem, ha.

Here I am, unfailingly human, continuously learning, never perfect, trying.

Eat clean, treat your body well, move it around, and do something for your spirit today. Namaste <3


  1. Oh girl I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way about the job situation. Don't give up hope ;)

    I agree with you on the scale issue. As long as an "up" number doesn't send you into an emotional lull and cause you to throw caution to the wind, and a "down" number doesn't give you the notion you can now have a little extra food, I think it's best to weigh often. Weight gain creep happens too easily when you don't take the time to weigh often.

    Congrats on those lost inches too!! You are looking great (in the post from yesterday).

    Keep striving to better yourself and those around you. You are doing great woman!

  2. I only suggested it because you were struggling over it. Getting married and being unemployed and dealing with the death of a parent is a LOT. If weighing a few times less a week gives you one less thing to angst over right now...that was what I was going for.


    AND GOOD LUCK! Sending you positive vibes for the job opportunity!

  3. Fluctuation is totally normal - but I do get the whole striving for a goal. My problem was that I allowed the scale to greatly affect my moods, and I gave it way too much power over me. More than it should ever need to have, you know? Just be aware of that habit, since you don't want to creep back into weighing 6x a day. P.S. You look beautiful. P.P.S. Caron made the zucchini tots and she gave them the thumbs up! :-)