Thursday, August 29, 2013

Body Image, Acceptance, Happiness

Ahhh, it is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Lots of the to-do list is crossed off for the wedding (8 days to go!): seating chart, place cards, accommodations in the on-venue cabins for friends, vows, etc, etc. I actually have no SPECIFIC task I need to do today, and that feels.... strange and amazing :D

Weighed in at 120.0 today. Loving it. Feeling great. Been hanging around this lower weight for a couple of weeks now and feel happy here. I know 127-129 isn't a "bad" or unhealthy weight, but seeing myself here for the first time as an adult? I am proud of my body in a way I haven't truly been proud of it before.

I've always tried to love my body, to accept it. I read a lot of weight loss blogs - there is a mantra (a good one, I think!) that goes around that you should love the body you have, even if you are in the process of transformation. I tried, I really did, but I never fully loved my body in the past. It's so much easier said than done for people who have been obese for an extended period of time and lapsed into a habit of self-loathing.

I didn't want to feel any sort of bad about myself on my wedding day. That was the goal, more so than a specific weight. I want to be happy, that's all.

Isn't that the struggle? It's been my struggle for many years. Since I was still a child (and lost my mom). How to really, truly feel happiness? How to be content, with my life, my mind, my body?

It's still my struggle, that peace, that contentedness. A lifelong journey to find it. And I think the journey is the whole point, that is what makes life.

All I know, is that when I stand up in front of my family, friends, and whatever forces govern this world, and face my man I love with all my heart, that I won't be thinking about my body - I won't be squirming and fidgeting with my dress, I won't be worried about what people are thinking, I won't cringe with every click of a camera.

I will be happy :)

I know this to be true - I just need to embrace this more.


  1. You deserve all the happiness in the world and you are going to feel that on your wedding and everyday after that.

    Great post. Part of the weight loss battle is loving yourself and once you do that, the battle becomes easier. :)

  2. It will be the most amazing day in your life. For SURE. Remember in the next 8 days to focus only on the necessary, not the 'it would be nice if's...keep your plate as clutter free as possible, so you can focus on JOY. :)