First Post

This is my first post on this blog. I don't honestly know how much I will use this.

To be completely honest: I mostly wanted to start a blog to keep track of all the blogs I read!

It wouldn't hurt for me to be a little more accountable, though, for those moments when I get close to slipping.

A little about me, so I am not a complete stranger creeping on everyone:

I am a newly turned 30 year old archaeologist. I have an amazing boyfriend and a life I would never dream of changing. But it wasn't always like this. I lost my mother when I was 10. Raising two kids by himself was hard for my dad. We ate whatever we wanted and he kept us supplied in junk because it was easy and it soothed ALL of us.

Lead to years 12 - 21 being pretty sad for me. I felt alone and only had a few friends with whom I shared my life. I didn't participate in much. I was heavy and I never looked in mirrors. I don't have many pictures of myself from my teenage years (wow, looking back on it, I really did lose out on my whole teens!). I had a host of disordered eating problems. I had health problems (weird liver pain from eating too much fat, hip and knee pain from just plain being too heavy.) I felt destined to have a lonely, empty life.

At one point, I got on a scale. I saw a number that was almost but wasn't quite 200 pounds (I am 5'4). It was a big moment. And not just an "aha!" moment, I had had plenty of those where I would try to be "healthier" or "exercise" (looking back, it was quite a joke!). It was THE moment. I was shocked and sick and my mind changed right then and there. I would never see 200 on the scale. And I never did.

The next day, everything was different. I had no idea whatsoever what I was doing, but I was going to do something. I went for a walk. I ate bland salad. I didn't have those cookies. I switched soda for water. The next day, my weight was down a fraction of a pound. It was enough and I kept going.

I wasn't perfect. I slipped sometimes. I had weird OCD eating habits. I didn't know about proper nutrition. I didn't know what exercise and sweat and good-old-heart-pumping-movement really was. But I was doing it. And I did it a little better every month and every year.

I got down to 145 pounds without much fuss, really. It was my goal. It took a good portion of a year. I wanted 145 to be healthy. I wanted 135 to be h-o-t hawt. 135 was much harder.

Remember: a lot of this is taking YEARS, years to learn, years to become active, years to eat a nutritious and well-rounded diet that still didn't go over calories. I didn't undo that decade of bad habits and destruction of my body quickly.

I took up running, not just walking, and just got more involved in life. Being an archaeologist helped: it is a pretty active job when you are in the field. I eventually got down to 131, when I was running 5ks and feeling pretty awesome at life.

I re-met an amazing guy from college (he knew me when I was fat, he wasn't skinny either!) ... we had both slimmed down! We worked together, became friends (insert lots of life drama, a year or so going by where he or I were with other people, etc etc) and eventually got put on a project together near a huge hiking area. We would work every day till 4, then go hiking till the sun went down, have a fun dinner and do it all the next day. We made a promise to each other that we would go on an epic hiking trip: a two-week trek through the Adirondacks called the Northville-Placid Trail. The summer ended and we started dating.

Hiking became a part of my life! We did do that trip, by the way :)

So: new activity I fell in love with and a new guy I fell in love with. The two of these balanced each other out and I maintained my weight.

Last year, life got hard and confusing. I got a little depressed. I almost got up to 150 pounds again. It was a wake up call. A huge one. Years of work coming undone within months.

2011 Holiday Season: weight loss initiated again. I would not do this to myself. I did not indulge in holiday extravaganzas of food. We have been skiing and snowshoeing and being mindful. We have completely eliminated processed food from our diet. I stay within a calorie limit (which changes based on my activity for the day). Five months in and I am down to 136 pounds.

My goal is 129 pounds. If I can get there healthily and with strength and maintain it, I am going to be rewarded with a full thigh tattoo of a wolf (you might get to know the wolf thing about me if I keep posting!).

Other little facts about me:
I love wolves
I love German Shepherds (and co-own one with my dad)
I am working on my PhD
I love Survivor and go to a weekly TV night where all my friends watch it with me!
I will be a 46er this year
I am a newly discovered cat person
I read fantasy obsessively
I used to write a LOT, hope to again someday
I am a huge weirdo
I am utterly and completely in love with life

Things I might write blog posts on in the future:
How hiking has helped my weight loss and my mental strength
How having a dog has done the same
What I eat and why
How I went from clumsy non-athlete to the exact opposite
The effect of losing my mother at an early age
My plans for this being my forever-habit
General thoughts on the blogosphere
My disordered eating and my disordered idea of my own body
Pictures? Maybe!
Joining a gym for the first time
The connection of the wolf to my inner strength
How fragile it all is