Christmas- family, eating, etc

Me and my little family travel to see my in-laws for the Christmas holiday. It's only about an hour and a half away, so not a huge journey, but we didn't really know what to expect with a one-month-old!

Things actually went really well, he slept the whole car ride both ways, so that was a blessing! And he didn't really seem to notice the change in scenery (we brought his pack and play that he sleeps in and his white noise machine) and we had some good nights and some bad nights, just like at home. Overall, it was nice to be with family and to have someone there to hold the baby so we could eat sometimes, haha :)

I didn't track my food for three days while there, and I regressed from the progress I had made previously. I ate a lot of sweets and indulged lots of cravings. I feel pretty bloated in overall not great, so I'm not gonna way myself for a while, forgive myself and get back into the swing of things at home.

I'm still healing from the C-section, I've been taking it easy for the past five or so days, because I had started to bleed a little too heavily after I resumed more walking and activity. I'm technically supposed to be on very limited activity till January 14, so I don't want to push it.

Life with a newborn is challenging, we are getting sleep some nights and not others. He cries a lot some days and not others. He's eating pretty constantly, leaving me not for you to do much else with my life! I'm emotionally pretty drained by it, but I do see him growing every day and I know that this is not life forever, so I'm just working on taking it day by day.

I'll leave you with some recent pictures <3

Small Progress

So, despite some hard times (mainly dealing with sleeplessness and a screaming baby!), There has been a little bit of progress, as well.

Something that have been going well:

Feeding Hunter has been going better! Not so painful anymore.

Chris and I are figuring out a schedule that works for us for now. We are sharing baby duties at night so each of us at least gets a shot at sleeping a few hours straight every day!

I've managed to leave the house most days this week, whether just to run an errand, go on a walk, or even to socialize!

I went out without Chris or Hunter one night to see my friends for 3 hours, I left a pumped bottle for the baby and got to feel like myself for a few hours :-) 

I have lost 2 pounds, down to 146. I've been tracking my calories, and am eating over 2000 cal a day to keep my milk supply up. It will take many months at this pace to get my body back where I want it to be, but it's worth it to get back there and to keep my baby healthy at the same time.

So despite there being times where I wonder, what the hell am I doing, there are also times where I'm relatively pleased with how things are going! Ups and downs, for sure. There are days where I feel pretty crazy and completely incompetent, and days like today, where I feel pretty good about myself. I went on a 2.5 mile walk today, the farthest I've been able to walk since I gave birth. That was a good boost, even just to be outside for an hour!

All I am looking for is progress, not perfection. I want Hunter to grow big and strong, I want to find my way back to healthy eating, and I want our family to be happy! I know that it won't always go smoothly, but I think we can get there :-)

Existing!

I started my first week with Hunter alone - it's super hard to do anything, even anything as simple as getting food to eat for myself, when it's just me and the baby. I'm pretty exhausted!

Nothing much is changed, however. Just taking care of Hunter and managing to survive myself, somehow. I'm dirty and tired and eating whatever food people have brought us, whether it's junk or healthy. My weight has held steady, however, which is a miracle considering how much crap I've been eating!

I haven't gone for a walk in a couple days, but I think it's actually been good, as my incision and midsection are feeling a lot less tender recently.

I'm trying my best to enjoy this time with my son. I will admit that it's very hard, though. Breast-feeding is not going as smoothly as I would like, though we are making progress every week, as he gets a little older and stronger and we fall into a pattern together. He doesn't sleep well at night, which is a struggle, of course. We're just surviving right now!

I can't believe that Christmas is next week! I haven't done anything really to prepare for it - no presents for anyone, I have to have Chris get on that for me! Especially since I think my brother is coming up this weekend to do a little mini Christmas because he's going to Florida on the actual holiday.

That's all that's up with me, really! Tired, overwhelmed and not doing too much :) 

My mom body -_-

Things are going well with Hunter - we're learning every day, trying to figure out how best to feed him, how to get in some sleep, etc. It's super hard but I think going pretty well!

On the other hand, I'm having some body image freak outs. I purposely haven't looked at myself naked in the mirror since birth and finally did today. I knew my body shape would be different but I'm pretty dismayed at how it's changed. The mom pouch/hanging belly I've developed depresses me. I know I'll lose weight in the next months to year, especially as I re-adopt my eating and fitness habits. But I'm sad to know I'll probably never look how I used to (with a soft but mostly flat belly!) and I won't be fitting back into my clothes in a cute way (so many of my clothes were very form-fitting and will now highlight a droopy, chubby belly).

So that's the truth, just being honest about it. The sadness about the loss of my old body is there - but it is not detracting from the joy in the rest of my life, don't worry :) I just did not want to pretend that everything is completely hunky-dory over here!

I'm getting back to eating well. I decided to start tracking my food again, because I'm pretty sure I was over eating by thousands of calories a day, because I was so tired and so hungry and so stressed and so emotional. I'm not giving myself a goal or a limit on my calories, but just tracking food so that I am more thoughtful and not going crazy with sweets or junk food.

Fitness will come next year, once I'm cleared for more than just walking!

So that's where I am - facing the reality of my body, definitely bummed about it, but moving on and getting back to a focus on health so that I can feel better about myself :)

First 2 weeks

Hunter will be two weeks old tomorrow. I am hoping that things start getting a little easier soon! People have told me that the first 2 to 3 weeks are the hardest. I sure hope that is true in this case. He wanted to be fed every hour yesterday, between that and the diaper changes it was nonstop. It is so weird to be so completely exhausted physically and mentally when I barely leave my room all day!

A friend brought us a huge tray of premade enchiladas yesterday. Looks like my lunches are taken care of for a while! One of my good friends is making us a Porkchop, sweet potato, and brussels sprout dinner tomorrow. The help is definitely nice. Otherwise, I'm eating a lot of sweets still. My hunger is absolutely out of control, especially yesterday when he was eating nonstop.

Parents always told me how hard having a newborn was. I thought I understood and sympathized, but I had no idea at all!

I went to Target and my local coffee shop with Hunter today, and that's about all the activity I had in my energy stores, Haha :)

Back in bed for the night, feeding him while watching television and napping when I can.

Post-birth healing

I went to my doctor's appointment and I'm healing really well - my incision looks really good. I'm obviously not cleared for much activity for the next 6 weeks (at almost 2 weeks) aside from the basics of having to lift the baby, etc. They said I could do light walking, even push a stroller, but nothing too hard like pushing that weight up a hill or anything.

So we took Hunter and Koda out for an easy stroll around the neighborhood:

It was nice to get out of the house and feel the fresh air. I'm glad it's been such a mild fall - it was almost 50 degrees yesterday.

I did weigh in, just to see where I'm at and with the understanding that I'm still healing and my body is going to continue to change over the next few weeks. I'm 149- so 17 pounds less than pre-birth. About what I expected!

Things have been up and down - adjusting to the new life is difficult. When he cries, it breaks my heart, especially if I can't seem to soothe him. Some nights we get decent sleep, some nights we don't. He's amazingly adorable but I won't lie and say it's all easy street!

So back to feeding him, eating, and laying in bed, haha :)

First few days at home..

I went home with Hunter on Friday. It was a tough weekend realizing the reality of life with a newborn! I was also still in a significant amount of pain from the C-section. We were kind of just holding on, and I cried a lot, too. 

I had been struggling with feeding him, which led to a lot of tears and frustration, because I just wanted to feed my crying baby! I went to a lactation consultant and she helped me quite a bit. So now he is finally getting fully fed and having a full belly! I am actually getting a decent amount of sleep, which is helping with my mental state :-) I was scared I was starting to get depressed because everything just seemed so hard and so overwhelming. Sleep makes a world of difference!

People brought us so much food, even full Thanksgiving dinner, so we haven't had to go grocery shopping at all since we've been home. However, not all of the food has been terribly healthy. I'll be a lot of pie and pizza in the past few days, haha. Not exactly how I wanted to start off my post-parting eating but I've just been looking for easy, truthfully. 

As the pain decreases and we get used to this new phase of life, I plan to get more involved with food shopping and prepping. Right now, I am just pleased to let people bring me food and not worry about it.

Also, I can see the beginnings of my body coming back. Not like it was, obviously, but I don't feel so humongous anymore. I am definitely having some body image issues as I look at some very specific trouble areas that have occurred because of this pregnancy though!!

I haven't weighed myself, but I'm going to my doctor tomorrow for a check up and they will weigh me then. So I'll see where I stand. My highest pregnancy weight was 166 pounds, I started my pregnancy and 126 pounds. A 40 pound gain - not the best, not the worst. 

I'll check in again soon!