Honesty time!

So, as you all well know, I have been stressing and struggling a bit lately (it was pointed out that I might be having some emotional reactions to the whole "almost dying" craziness... I could definitely see that).

Add to that- Chris is out of town this week.

I'm not in the best space.

So I did something I normally wouldn't have- walked down to my neighborhood bar (it was its grand opening actually!) where several people I knew were gathering for happy hour to try it out. I was just craving friendly human interaction. I told myself on the walk I wouldn't drink - I'd had a really great, healthy day eating-wise and exercise-wise. Didn't want to screw it up.

But I had two beers. Then my friend invited me to dinner with her and another girl - I was already feeling loose, so I went and had a GREAT time laughing and talking with the girls. But I drank two more beers and ate a sandwich.

So my night was fun and relaxing and much needed. I forgot my stress for many hours and fell asleep fast. I laughed a ton - in a really real and deep way (sometimes laughter can be dry). I connected with others in a way I haven't been able to in a few weeks.

I kind of.... felt like myself.

The things I consumed didn't need to happen, though. (Though I imagine the effects of the alcohol are what allowed me to completely relax and enjoy my evening- I've been so strict and ascetic for a while now, and with nothing but things like baths or walks to de-stress... eventually the stress builds UP). Like I said, I'm not in a great place mentally so I'm not always making the BEST decision. I'm so painfully human.

New day, moving on. Picking up the healthy behaviors right where I left off. 

That's my reality.

Namaste.