Because...
I freaking cannot stop thinking about it!!!!
In fact, today I found in my lunchbox a chocolate that my husband had secreted away there as a special treat for me... LAST WEEK! I never found it then, so his intentions were great, but the fact that I found it today, while annoyed at work? Augh. I almost ate it.. I had the thought that I could just eat it, never tell anyone, and no one would know that I ate chocolate in a month I promised myself I wouldn't. It wouldn't even matter to anyone else. Whose life does it affect if *I* eat chocolate??
In the end, I decided that it would matter to me. So I immediately texted Chris and told him I found the chocolate (I also wanted to make sure he didn't put it in my lunchbox today in some weird sabotage move... He didn't!). By telling him, I brought some accountability to my actions. That way, at least one other person would know I had broken my promise. I don't want to be seen as someone who can't stick to her convictions. It gave me strength.
So, I brought it home, and gave it to him while he was raking leaves :) He ate it gratefully!!
But NOT eating chocolate at night is also driving me up a wall! I keep imaging the sugar rush, the texture, the sweetness, the indulgent pleasure after a long day. Haha.. They do say that sugar evokes the same sort of pleasure in the brain as opiates. I get it. Total chocolate addict.
So, obviously, it was a good idea to eliminate it. No good comes from a specific food having that strong of a hold over me!
Though I am a firm believer in the fact that it is not shameful to take pleasure from the food you are eating, in the end, food is fuel. It isn't life, just a means by which to sustain life.
Moving on, moving on. No chocolate. I ate a lot of really delicious, really nutritious food today. I am full and sated. I did a lot of great work on my dissertation after work, and am now drinking strawberry seltzer with a splash of lemon juice in bed while I watch Survivor ;)
There are better things to focus on than food in life. I just have to shake the bad habits and retrain my brain so that all my energies can go to that more important stuff!!
<3
a couple more days and it will be ancient history. GOOD WORK TODAY THOUGH!
ReplyDeleteWill be interesting to see what happens to this WANT as the month progresses. Since the chocolate was tied to a certain time, event, location, in my opinion, it will "stay with you".
ReplyDeleteThe examples that come to mind for me -
I am aware if I bought "something" standing in line at the checkout one time, I would want it (again, always) in every store checkout line.
If I went thru drive thru one time, on the trip to or from college after dropping off a kid, I would want to repeat on every college trip, with each one of my kids, always.
Very aware of this.
Kudos for knowing what you need to do because of the compulsion/looping thoughts vs a regular eating pattern.
ReplyDeleteI found that any food that I just HAD to have I needed to ditch for 30 days to determine if it was an addictive loop
Funny thing for me. Nuts were out , dairy, Lara bars, diet bars, shredded coconut. Dried fruit.
I was able to keep a little 85% chocolate
Here's to fine tuning your food templates and walking away from old patterns.
An instructive post. People to really know who they want to reach and why or else, they'll have no way to know what they're trying to achieve. People need to hear this and have it drilled in their brains..
ReplyDeleteI love your new direction. The topics resonate with me, and along with improving my health, I hope to move into alignment so I can brightly shine my message. I find your site inspirational and will continue to follow along for tips to improve my life
Thanks for sharing this great article.