Slow Progress

I've been making lots of progress in making good choices to fuel my (and my son's!) body. But I've also not completely gone without treats.

Breakfast was eggs and toast, lunch was turkey wraps with mango/avocado salsa and rice pudding:

Last night I went out with a couple friends and enjoyed a tasting flight of beer (I missed beer!):

I'm walking as much as I can - did 4 miles on Sunday with my little family :) And slowly incorporating more body weight exercises during my day (I'm really looking forward to having my core strength back!).

I'm trending slightly downward with my weight, so that's good- but mostly I see my shape changing as I get active again, my posture improves and I challenge my muscles!

This is definitely a slow process- especially since most of my energies are for my child, now! But I'm making sure to take care of his mom, too :)

Forward progress!

Consistency!

Though I'm not where I used to be in terms of diet and exercise, I'm being consistent with what I am capable of right now. Getting out for at least a short walk every day, tracking my food daily, making a concerted effort to eat my veggies and staying hydrated.

My steps are getting there (the cold weather is tough - some days I bring Hunter to a store to walk around), but I'll admit to just plain old being exhausted some days. But I am getting something done every day, even if it's just a little, and that's a big step!

My meals are staying consistent too - having my three meals a day, like I described in my previous blog post, and a snack or two as well.

Had haddock on corn tortillas with a side of roasted beets and roasted Brussels sprouts yesterday for dinner. Tonight I am having butternut squash soup with peas, and a black bean burger.

Staying consistent with getting vegetables back into my diet has been really big. Even though I've added grains back to my diet, I am aiming for vegetables to make up the majority of my carbohydrates! They just have a lot more nutrition and fill me up a lot better.

So even though my weight isn't dropping consistently, I'm going to stay consistent with my behaviors. I know that breast-feeding may mean that I'm not going to drop any significant amount of weight until I'm done breast-feeding, but setting up these healthy habits for me, to be a better example for Hunter, to be a healthier mom, is important.

Better Meal Choices

I've been on a pretty good streak of just plain old making better choices - with regards to both food and activity.

This was lunch today:

Lettuce, turkey, cheese and mustard with a fig bar snack (I got these on sale at the co-op, they're made with a really great ingredients and fill me up great!)

Breakfast was organic waffles with peanut butter and cottage cheese on the side.

Dinner will be a veggie/butternut squash soup.

If I eat grains with breakfast, like today, I'll do just veggies and protein for lunch. Some days I do protein/fruit for breakfast and will have bread at lunch. Dinners are getting closer to our old, pre-pregnancy dinners - lots of veggies and protein. Last night's dinner was cod with an almond meal crust, broccoli and roasted sweet potatoes.

Taking in a ton of water, too - breastfeeding seems to completely dehydrate me no matter how much I drink!

Still around 145, but definitely feeling MUCH better now that I'm eating better, less junk, more nutrition, and more well rounded (not 80% carbs like when I was eating poorly!).

Takes effort to not indulge in food as pleasure (especially when I'm stressed with Hunter!) but it's worth it. I feel more energetic, for sure :)

Hunter making his weird face in his bear suit :)

Family walk at the golf course- got in 3 miles here!

Weight, Ramping up activity

Things are progressing - slowly but surely  around here! Hunter is six weeks old officially today. I look back at the pictures of him a month ago, and I see how much he has grown, even though it is hard to see day to day.

And even though he still not sleeping much through the night, things are changing around here. Especially because I'm feeling stronger and more capable as the days go on. It is two more weeks until I am cleared for more activity than just walking. But I had chilled out on even walking too much for a while, because I was certain I had pulled my internal incision by doing a little too much too fast.

But I've been getting out this week! Taking some walks with Hunter and the dog, running some errands, going shopping.

And I have been sticking to tracking my food, though I am obviously eating far more than I need to maintain my weight because I want to keep my milk supply up. And I am making plenty of milk, finally. Hunter was growing so fast for a few weeks, because we struggled so much with breast-feeding in the first three weeks, I think he had a lot of catching up to do!

I lost a pound, now at 145. Not much, but a small downward trend. Lost 3 lbs in 30 days - I think that's a good rate that  won't endanger my supply! But best of all, I can see my old body shape coming back as I get more active. I'm not so horrified by the changes anymore... I have hope I'll get somewhere close to normal by/during summer :)

So, despite sleeplessness and feeling overwhelmed, I've been able to stay on the path to getting back to health and fitness (getting more active, eating better foods and tracking what I eat). Just required a little effort not to reach for the cookies and not to always lay in bed (though I do lay in bed a fair amount, taking care of a newborn is hard!). Little changes add up over time - and all I have energy for right now is little changes!

I pumped milk for tonight - leaving Hunter with Chris and am hitting up a girls' night! Pretty excited for adult times!

First meal I've cooked in a loooong time

I've been very, very lucky the past many months to have a husband who has cooked dinner for me, first while I was pregnant and writing my dissertation and second while I've been recovering from my csection and feeding a newborn. I haven't cooked anything more than eggs in maybe half a year!

Also the past month, we've been eating food made by friends and family, ranging from turkey soup to a huge lasagna to vegetarian meals. That's been a big help.

Anyway, it worked out that Hunter was well fed and well rested at dinner time and we were making shrimp - my favorite thing to cook! I handed the baby over to Chris in a good mood and got to cooking.

I made garlic butter shrimp tacos on corn tortillas with guacamole and a side of roasted broccoli:

I'm a little rusty but it was fun to get back in the kitchen. Hunter is still making it difficult for me to cook when I'm alone because he doesn't like to be put down most of the time, but hopefully that will change as he gets older :)

As the flow of prepared food slows, it'll be important for us to get back to cooking and food prep if we want to eat well (do not want to rely on takeout or frozen pizzas!). I think we'll definitely simplify from what we had been doing- more frozen veggies, premarinated meats, etc, but preparing the food ourselves has always been important to us! Chris and I love cooking together and always have a lot of fun doing it, so it's good for our bonding too :)

New Year, New Life, New Goals

I definitely am very excited to see what 2016 will bring - I've never had such a life change as having a baby before (and life has changed pretty drastically for me in the past)!

Hunter is 5 1/2 weeks old, showing a little more personality and I know this year is going to see rapid changes for him! And for our little family :)

I don't really have any resolutions for this year, nothing specific anyway. My goals are just to make sure I try my best to be a good parent, to make sure Hunter is happy and healthy, to make sure I am happy and healthy, and my marriage is happy and healthy. All of those things are connected.

I want all three of us to be active, get out in the world, to learn new things, eat nourishing foods, to stay socially engaged, and to fill our spirits with bright and enlivening things. I want to try my best to start our family off on a good foot :)

So what does that mean? That means putting energy into these goals. To make healthy decisions, not lazy ones. As Hunter continues to get older, I can feel my own energy returning, and know I will be rejoining this world shortly (right now, I'm still spending most of my time in bed feeding him!).

I just really look forward to showing him the world this year. I want him to know how beautiful it is!

For myself personally, my resolutions are definitely to get healthy and work on losing a little bit of baby weight, but not to obsess about it! I had got into a really good place last year of maintaining a healthy, trim body without counting calories or being controlling about it. I don't want Hunter to see a mom who has a bad body image or issues with food. So I'm going to work on myself with a loving demeanor- not a self- or body-hating one. It's more important than ever to have a good relationship with my body so that Hunter knows the body is a beautiful and amazing thing that can carry him through this world!

Christmas- family, eating, etc

Me and my little family travel to see my in-laws for the Christmas holiday. It's only about an hour and a half away, so not a huge journey, but we didn't really know what to expect with a one-month-old!

Things actually went really well, he slept the whole car ride both ways, so that was a blessing! And he didn't really seem to notice the change in scenery (we brought his pack and play that he sleeps in and his white noise machine) and we had some good nights and some bad nights, just like at home. Overall, it was nice to be with family and to have someone there to hold the baby so we could eat sometimes, haha :)

I didn't track my food for three days while there, and I regressed from the progress I had made previously. I ate a lot of sweets and indulged lots of cravings. I feel pretty bloated in overall not great, so I'm not gonna way myself for a while, forgive myself and get back into the swing of things at home.

I'm still healing from the C-section, I've been taking it easy for the past five or so days, because I had started to bleed a little too heavily after I resumed more walking and activity. I'm technically supposed to be on very limited activity till January 14, so I don't want to push it.

Life with a newborn is challenging, we are getting sleep some nights and not others. He cries a lot some days and not others. He's eating pretty constantly, leaving me not for you to do much else with my life! I'm emotionally pretty drained by it, but I do see him growing every day and I know that this is not life forever, so I'm just working on taking it day by day.

I'll leave you with some recent pictures <3

Small Progress

So, despite some hard times (mainly dealing with sleeplessness and a screaming baby!), There has been a little bit of progress, as well.

Something that have been going well:

Feeding Hunter has been going better! Not so painful anymore.

Chris and I are figuring out a schedule that works for us for now. We are sharing baby duties at night so each of us at least gets a shot at sleeping a few hours straight every day!

I've managed to leave the house most days this week, whether just to run an errand, go on a walk, or even to socialize!

I went out without Chris or Hunter one night to see my friends for 3 hours, I left a pumped bottle for the baby and got to feel like myself for a few hours :-) 

I have lost 2 pounds, down to 146. I've been tracking my calories, and am eating over 2000 cal a day to keep my milk supply up. It will take many months at this pace to get my body back where I want it to be, but it's worth it to get back there and to keep my baby healthy at the same time.

So despite there being times where I wonder, what the hell am I doing, there are also times where I'm relatively pleased with how things are going! Ups and downs, for sure. There are days where I feel pretty crazy and completely incompetent, and days like today, where I feel pretty good about myself. I went on a 2.5 mile walk today, the farthest I've been able to walk since I gave birth. That was a good boost, even just to be outside for an hour!

All I am looking for is progress, not perfection. I want Hunter to grow big and strong, I want to find my way back to healthy eating, and I want our family to be happy! I know that it won't always go smoothly, but I think we can get there :-)

Existing!

I started my first week with Hunter alone - it's super hard to do anything, even anything as simple as getting food to eat for myself, when it's just me and the baby. I'm pretty exhausted!

Nothing much is changed, however. Just taking care of Hunter and managing to survive myself, somehow. I'm dirty and tired and eating whatever food people have brought us, whether it's junk or healthy. My weight has held steady, however, which is a miracle considering how much crap I've been eating!

I haven't gone for a walk in a couple days, but I think it's actually been good, as my incision and midsection are feeling a lot less tender recently.

I'm trying my best to enjoy this time with my son. I will admit that it's very hard, though. Breast-feeding is not going as smoothly as I would like, though we are making progress every week, as he gets a little older and stronger and we fall into a pattern together. He doesn't sleep well at night, which is a struggle, of course. We're just surviving right now!

I can't believe that Christmas is next week! I haven't done anything really to prepare for it - no presents for anyone, I have to have Chris get on that for me! Especially since I think my brother is coming up this weekend to do a little mini Christmas because he's going to Florida on the actual holiday.

That's all that's up with me, really! Tired, overwhelmed and not doing too much :) 

My mom body -_-

Things are going well with Hunter - we're learning every day, trying to figure out how best to feed him, how to get in some sleep, etc. It's super hard but I think going pretty well!

On the other hand, I'm having some body image freak outs. I purposely haven't looked at myself naked in the mirror since birth and finally did today. I knew my body shape would be different but I'm pretty dismayed at how it's changed. The mom pouch/hanging belly I've developed depresses me. I know I'll lose weight in the next months to year, especially as I re-adopt my eating and fitness habits. But I'm sad to know I'll probably never look how I used to (with a soft but mostly flat belly!) and I won't be fitting back into my clothes in a cute way (so many of my clothes were very form-fitting and will now highlight a droopy, chubby belly).

So that's the truth, just being honest about it. The sadness about the loss of my old body is there - but it is not detracting from the joy in the rest of my life, don't worry :) I just did not want to pretend that everything is completely hunky-dory over here!

I'm getting back to eating well. I decided to start tracking my food again, because I'm pretty sure I was over eating by thousands of calories a day, because I was so tired and so hungry and so stressed and so emotional. I'm not giving myself a goal or a limit on my calories, but just tracking food so that I am more thoughtful and not going crazy with sweets or junk food.

Fitness will come next year, once I'm cleared for more than just walking!

So that's where I am - facing the reality of my body, definitely bummed about it, but moving on and getting back to a focus on health so that I can feel better about myself :)

First 2 weeks

Hunter will be two weeks old tomorrow. I am hoping that things start getting a little easier soon! People have told me that the first 2 to 3 weeks are the hardest. I sure hope that is true in this case. He wanted to be fed every hour yesterday, between that and the diaper changes it was nonstop. It is so weird to be so completely exhausted physically and mentally when I barely leave my room all day!

A friend brought us a huge tray of premade enchiladas yesterday. Looks like my lunches are taken care of for a while! One of my good friends is making us a Porkchop, sweet potato, and brussels sprout dinner tomorrow. The help is definitely nice. Otherwise, I'm eating a lot of sweets still. My hunger is absolutely out of control, especially yesterday when he was eating nonstop.

Parents always told me how hard having a newborn was. I thought I understood and sympathized, but I had no idea at all!

I went to Target and my local coffee shop with Hunter today, and that's about all the activity I had in my energy stores, Haha :)

Back in bed for the night, feeding him while watching television and napping when I can.