Pre-fest Check In

I have a little quiet time this morning before the crazy-times erupt! We have a house full of people and a house full of nervous excitement about the weekend. I am mostly worried about the weather (pray for us that it doesn't rain the WHOLE time!).

This morning, I took my last shower until Sunday - yikes :)

Weighing in at 123.4 before the festival, loving the shape of my body right now, but still hoping to see some progress when I get back!

I will miss reading everyone's blogs, forgive me for being a little lax, especially when I get back. They say you need the same amount of days to recover from a festival as the days you attended the festival (and we are doing the full three days).

Not as young as I used to be.... but giving the youthful joy a good shot!

Have a great weekend, my friends, stay safe and healthy <3

Eating Paleo at a Music Festival?

First: I'll let you know the wedding dress fitting went really well! I still love the dress and am so excited to be able to wear it in front of everyone and post pictures! It's killing me to keep it secret :)

But as for my post today: I know summer is in full swing when I am spending the day getting ready for a music festival! I am actually kind of overwhelmed by it this year - packing for three days of camping and craziness while all I want to be doing is spending my time working on my wedding/finding a job/my dissertation.

Life is kind of crazy and full.

But that's what makes it life, right?

Well, anyway, I have to push all the extraneous stuff aside for the moment and focus on what is going to happen next - Camp Bisco! For those of you who don't know the Disco Biscuits (which is probably all of you, haha), they are an electronic jam band who hosts a huge music festival right by my home city every year - about 20,000 young (and not so young) music fans come for three nights and days of camping and music. Pretty insane and fun time.

We have gone with a bunch of our friends for a number of years now (Chris for TEN years and me for four!). This might be our last (getting too old to party like a 20 years old haha) and we are really looking forward to it :)

Like last year, I am going to attempt to stay as paleo as possible during the weekend and limit the alcohol, as well. Last year was decently successful. I have to preplan a lot since the camping situation is not ideal (out in the sun in a field) and we obviously have no access to refrigeration.

What we are bringing:

Lara bars
Bananas
Roasted sweet potatoes
Cooked bacon
Dried figs
Quinoa with veggies
Hard boiled eggs
Almond milk
Almonds
Sunflower seed butter
Coconut water
Fruits (yet to be bought - probably grapes or cherries or something)

For sale at the festival is a lot of different kinds of food - I can always grab some grilled meat or an egg sandwich (and not eat the bread) and stuff like that.

And it is a weekend full of walking around and dancing like mad. So if I can manage not to overeat, I am going to come out on top :)

I may or may not post tomorrow, we actually head into the festival on Thursday morning. So if I don't chat with you till then, I hope you all have lovely weekends full of laughter <3

Goal Day - dress fitting and the importance of HAVING goals

So the reason I got my butt in gear this year is here: having my wedding dress tailored to fit MY body - and damn, but if I didn't want that body to be awesome when that happened!

I was weighing in around 128/129 most of this past winter and early spring. Depressed, sad, not moving a ton and drinking a little too much.

And though I am only weighing in about 5 pounds lighter today (123.6), all those descriptors just simply don't apply anymore - and that makes me proud of myself AND my body. I am generally happy, optimistic, active and drinking almost nothing at all (alcohol-wise, water drinking I am a champ at!).

My original goal was to weigh in at 120/121 pounds by this day. I am not disappointed that I don't. I still would like to work TOWARDS that weight for my wedding in two months, but my weight/body/attitude/happiness are all right where they should be today :) I feel little and strong and kinda sexy (ooooh!).

I mostly just want to have it in my head that I want to lose another couple pounds so that I don't slip up and gain any weight between now and my wedding. Especially if I am going to have a beautiful gown that is fitted to me - I don't want to struggle with zipping it up on my wedding day!!

This is a weight loss/fitness/etc blog so I talk about my goals as far as weight loss/fitness the most. But this is a good lesson for ALL aspects of life - have your goals. Make goals. Make crazy goals. Make lofty goals. Even if you don't achieve them all, it is likely you are going to end up better off than you started in SOME way.

And so applying it to my weight - yes, I had a goal of weighing 121 today which I didn't reach, but I am better than when I started. And that goal helped me improve so much more than my weight: my confidence, my pride, my energy, my happiness. I now have a goal of weighing 119 by my wedding day - I have doubts I will reach this goal, but I will work towards it with the hopes of ending up somewhere better that day than I am today!

Set your goals and work towards them every day - you will thank yourself a year from now :)

Namaste, friends.

Oh yeah- this! My new normal :)

Not an engagement photo, but a photo I HAD to share. A photo that is evidence of me being on track, "balanced" (I know there are those of us who hate that word - but I think I've found some balance the past few months!), and treating my body right!

I am over 20 pounds lighter than 2 years ago, I am 80 pounds lighter than my highest weight.

Yes- I ate cupcakes this weekend. Yes- I drank beer last week. But is that my norm? No.

My norm is eggs for breakfast, veggies all day, a little fruit, sweet potato, avocado during the day and protein whenever I can! My norm is walking the dog miles every day, doing yoga consistently, and just being an overall active person. My norm is choosing a hike over a BBQ. My norm is health.

That photo was snapped on a 7 mile hike by Chris last Thursday. I love it.

This is so worth it. If you are wondering if giving up junk food is worth it? IT IS. If you are wondering if never eating fast food again is worth it? YEP. I feel amazing - strong and energetic and proud. It is so, so, so worth it.

I know the pain of obesity.

It is so worth escaping. It is so worth struggling. It is so worth those moments of cravings and feelings of deprivation. You will get over those feelings, trust me.

Keep moving, friends. Eat real food. Live your life.

Faking confidence till it's real!

Settling down after a whirlwind weekend is a little hard. I am all revved up and excited, in general :) I am also anxiously awaiting my engagement photos - I have one special one that the photographer said she would get to me as soon as she could! Can't wait to share!

I've never had professional pictures taken of me like that. In fact, I rarely get my picture taken. I have selfies of myself hiking, some candid shots at parties, but in general, I see a camera and I RUN! I prefer to be the one taking the photos.

I was nervous and silly and grinning like a fool and fidgeting like crazy. (Thank goodness I could direct my attention to Chris - it made it so much more natural and easy)

But my photographer is an awesome local woman who knows the family and has a camp in the Adirondacks and is REALLY, really chill. She was sweet and casual and made us feel really great.

I think I did a good job of not letting OTHER people this weekend know I was uncomfortable in the spotlight, but those good ol' terrified nerves kept creeping up - especially when I had to open presents in front of the group at the bridal shower. Gah!

I will probably never get over the shyness that developed when I was a chubby kid and a fat teen. I hid so I didn't have to deal with it. I'm not hiding anymore, but that little voice sometimes is too loud to hear - the voice that says "You're not good enough! What are you doing - everyone is looking at you! They are going to know you are LESS THAN!"

That voice is stupid. But I still hear it.

My strategy in the past few years is just to power through. I might feel uncomfortable in a situation. I might squirm and cringe a little. I might want to get out of the situation. But I know better and I will never let those thoughts keep me from experiencing life or from finding joy. This article talks about how there is a little truth to the "fake it till it's real" adage.

I have so much more confidence than I did 5, 10, 15 years ago. I am proud of myself, what I've done, how I've loved, who I am. I don't have to fake it all the way anymore :) But I've also learned that life is super awesome and I don't want to miss a piece of it - so when I start to feel shy or introverted or nervous, I make sure to acknowledge those feelings but tell myself to go rock it anyway.

I hope no one out there is missing out on anything because of a lack of confidence.

Remember: you are WORTH it - all the good, fun, happy, smiley things out there :)

Namaste!

Bridal shower weekend

Chris is driving me home from the Adirondacks currently! Had a lovely weekend of wedding stuff - Chris' family is sweet and outgoing and warm and made me feel very welcome! Some of my natural shyness and social anxiety came out, but nothing terrible :)

Did not stay paleo as I did eat a red velvet cupcake and drank some sangria  yesterday (though I ate very normally the rest of the time!) and tasted wedding cake samples today.

Nothing I am terribly worried about as I ate 100% well last week and am back to regularly scheduled programming as of noon today!

CanNOT wait to show you my engagement photos- coming soon!

Namaste <3

American eagle pocket dress!

Shouldn't have gone shopping with Chris! This colorful dress I didn't need caught my eye...

And came home with me!

Size 4 and felt like it was tailored to MY body.

Got to stay away from the stores, I have the shopping bug in this new trim body : D

Okay- back to packing for the weekend!

Check In after the Fourth!

So I know a lot of people out there end up having a lot of regrets after a holiday - especially a holiday that is focused around food/eating. The Fourth usually means BBQs and treats for people. A day of drinking, being outside (hopefully swimming or running around!), eating grilled meats with all the trimmings, cookies, etc, and fireworks.

I am proud to say I have NO regrets.

My Fourth (instead of hanging around Albany and going to a 8 hour BBQ party):

- wake up, eat eggs with ground turkey and veggies with Chris

- drive up to the Adirondacks

- bring Koda to meet Chris' family: parents, sister and in law, AND their dog (it went VERY well, Koda was very well behaved and even a little charming)

- take Koda on a 7 mile hike that included letting him swim in FOUR different lakes (happy dog)

- eat sweet potatoes, quinoa, banana and veggie slaws for fuel!

- back to hang out with the family and I did drink a beer (my holiday "treat")

- go to big family BBQ for a couple hours - Chris and I did REALLY well here and we each ate a burger and sausage and veggies. I didn't drink anything else.

- bring Koda to ANOTHER lake (the big one with waves!) and let him FREAK OUT WITH UTTER AND PURE JOY - he was bellyflopping off the dock, diving into the waves, swimming in circles, splashing, etc. So fun!

- drive home with Chris and Koda - actually get something very not clean at a gas station, a gatorade-like drink because it turns out I was a little dehydrated on this hot and humid day, yikes!

So maybe my regret would be I didn't drink enough water. But otherwise, I had an amazing holiday that didn't focus on food. I focused on my dog, my new family, the beautiful place I was :D

Fun tidbit: While Koda was swimming in the lake, I soooo badly wanted to go with him but didn't have my bathing suit. The water was warm and Koda was having so much fun! So I stripped down to my underwear and jumped on in! I might never wear a bikini around the beach, but it felt great to not be ashamed of my body and be able to indulge in the fun with my pup in my undies :)

I weighed in at 124 today - resulting from the dehydration, I am sure, and drinking the beer. It's okay, today is back to my normal water-chugging, veggie-eating, dog-walking, yoga-doing ways :)

Love and Peace, hope you are living without regrets!!

Edited to Add: I won't be able to post this weekend, back in the Adirondacks, but I have my bridal shower and will update you when I get back how it went :)

Nutrient Dense Foods

First I will wish a happy 4th to all those here in the states with me! We are heading up north for a little hiking, swimming and family time - no big BBQs and no drinking for us!

But to my topic of the day-

If you've been reading me for a while, you know I am a proponent of eating real food, clean food - basically, food that heals and protects you from the inside out. (Hint: this does not include chips ahoy or doritos or lean cuisine)

Filling your body with nutrient rich foods, with a lot of different kinds of nutrients, and in the purest form possible will aid in weight loss, gaining energy, and strengthening the immune system. It is SO much harder to lose weight when you are putting poison in your body - poison your body doesn't recognize and fights against.

Anyway, I wanted to re-post this article from http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/ about the top ten ANDI (aggregate nutrient density index) foods. The higher the score (from 1 to 1000), the more nutrient dense the food is for you.

So here is there chart - look for, eat, learn to love those with the highest scores:

GREEN VEGETABLES

Vegetable	ANDI Score
1. Mustard/Turnip/Collard Greens	1000
2. Kale	1000
3. Watercress	1000
4. Bok Choy/Baby Bok Choy	824
5. Spinach	739
6. Broccoli Rabe	715
7. Chinese/Napa Cabbage	704
8. Brussels Sprouts	672
9. Swiss Chard	670
10. Arugula	559

NONGREEN VEGETABLES

Vegetable	ANDI Score
1. Radish	554
2. Bean Sprouts	444
3. Red Pepper	366
4. Radicchio	359
5. Turnip	337
6. Carrot	336
7. Cauliflower	295
8. Artichoke	244
9. Tomato	190
10. Butternut Squash	156

 

FRUIT

Fruit	ANDI Score
1. Strawberries	212
2. Blackberries	178
3. Plum	157
4. Raspberries	145
5. Blueberries	130
6. Papaya	118
7. Orange	109
8. Cantaloupe	100
9. Kiwi	97
10. Watermelon	91
11. Peach	73
12. Apple	72
13. Cherries	68
14. Pineapple	64
15. Apricot	60

Beans

Vegetable	ANDI Score
1. Lentils	104
2. Red Kidney Beans	100
3. Great Northern Beans	94
4. Adzuki Beans	84
5. Black Beans	83
6. Black-Eyed Peas	82
7. Pinto Beans	61
8. Edamame	58
9. Split Peas	58
10. Chickpeas (Garbanzos)	57

 

Nuts & Seeds

Nuts & Seeds	ANDI Score
1. Sunflower Seeds	78
2. Sesame Seeds	65
3. Flax Seeds	65
4. Pumpkin Seeds	52
5. Pistachios	48
6. Pecans	41
7. Almonds	38
8. Walnuts	34
9. Hazelnuts	32
10. Cashews	27

Notice that beans, nuts, and seeds aren't actually that nutrient dense - and they are usually pretty high in calories. So watch out there, and fuel your body with veggies!!

Eat some watermelon and grilled asparagus this BBQ holiday!

Namaste!

(Edited to add: I'm 123 even today, before bathroom times AND I'm at the start of my cycle-- big win!)

Planks and Push-ups

I've been focusing a lot on my diet in order to slim down a little, but I certainly haven't given up on strengthening my muscles! I lost a lot of my kick-ass muscle tone that I had gained in the gym last spring and summer by being completely inactive after my dad passed - I don't think I sincerely worked out for over four months (grief, stress from moving, cold and wet winter all affected me way hard).

I've been using some smaller hand weights for bicep curls, lateral arm raises, etc, etc. But using my own body weight has really been my number one. Planks. Planks all the time! And push-ups. I am definitely on my way to getting back my arm muscles that I was so proud of

Showing off!

It's tough since I stole this picture from Facebook, but you can kind of see that I am ripped as I try
to take a pic of me and Koda!

I also rely on squats and lunges for my lower body workout. And general crunches for the abs.

I know that I can get as trim/lean as I want - but without a little muscle to show off, I won't like my body as much!

Not much to say today, Chris is coming home early this week and I am excited to see him tonight! This day will be much like any other - already ate my yogurt, am going to take the Koda-monster on a walk, will eat my veggies and protein all day, do my yoga, take care of life stuff and house stuff and lather, rinse, repeat!

I will leave you with a picture of Koda looming over me as I tried to watch TV last night :)

Love and light!

400th Post - blogging, wedding, "being pretty."

Well, don't I have a lot to say?? 400 posts. I didn't really think I would use this blog as much as I do when I started it. In fact, I started it just so I could put a face/name/story to all the comments I was making on OTHER blogs!

But this blog has become one of my most valuable tools for maintaining weight loss and fitness. I love the community I have found, the support and understanding from the (mainly) women I've met. I love the accountability. I don't have a large readership, but the hundred or so people that pop by every day keep me honest -  I want them to know ME, me as honest and real as I can be. And I just love writing in general! I love getting my thoughts out on "paper" and getting them out of my crazy brain. It helps keep me sane.

I dropped 0.2 pounds today, haha... it's a few ounces, but every little bit helps! It was nice to see a little movement on the scale since I weighed in at EXACTLY 123.6 every day for a week (I thought my scale was broken, actually, haha). Still have a little hope I will see 122.something for my wedding dress fitting :) It is on July 9th, so I have more than a chance if I stay the course.

Summer is in full freaking swing around here, despite the constant rain. First up is July 4th, where we will be hiking a little and seeing Chris' family at the cabin. Then I have my first bridal shower (the two sides of the family are holding different ones since they live in very different places) this weekend - this bridal shower weekend is busy, busy, busy because I also am getting a new haircut, getting engagement photos taken, and meeting with the cake lady! The wedding is being held 2.5 hours north of me, so we have to cram in a lot in the weekends we go up north.

I am starting to feel like a bride - ah! It is so strange. I have a pretty, flowy white dress I am wearing for the photos and the bridal shower. I will have a pretty new haircut. It feels so strange to focus so much on "prettiness." Most of my adult life I have just focused on getting a rocking body, I didn't really care what I wore or how my hair looked too much, because I have this theory that if you have a slamming body, people think you look good anyway, haha :)

I've been putting a little more effort into my clothes this year. Just to feel better about things in general. Anything to combat the sneaky depression, ennui, and lethargy that can so easily overtake my mental state.

But this weekend?

Being the focus of a party? Where I have tried to look really pretty?

Nervous!

In my heart of hearts, I remember that child, that teenager and that young adult me - the chubby, awkward, not-so-pretty, uncomfortable me. I remember her and still feel how she felt a lot of the time. Sometimes, with lots of compliments from Chris and encouragement from the world at large, I feel like a lovely grown woman.

But when I am the focus, when everyone is looking at me, I cringe a little. I don't want everyone to SEE me - afraid they will see what I was for so, so long. Because I do still feel that way, a lot.

I will try my best to take a deep breath, take a realistic look in the mirror, realize I am in my 30s, rocking the lowest weight I've ever been in my whole life (well, I suppose I was this weight in 7th or 8th grade, but I was fat then and young then - it doesn't count!), and Chris thinks I am beautiful. That's all that should matter.

I will also try not to drink and eat too much at my bridal shower out of nervousness!!!

But for today - I've had my yogurt, coffee, took the dog on his walk, ran all my errands and now am going to scrub the hardwood floors. Fun! ;)

Namaste. Stay strong. Know you are beautiful.