I was a field archaeologist for about five years - had tough hands, hands meant for menial work!
Today, I raked the yard clean of acorns (I have some mutant oak tree with 5 billion acorns above my front lawn), swept them into a pile, bagged them up - BLISTER. Wah. That used to never happen, my skin used to be so tough.
My metaphorical skin is still tough, though, no worries :D
I am just surprised by how quickly things go soft if you don't use them! Same with a lot of things, mental and physical. Got to keep on top of this stuff, you know?
I think I am going to fully indulge in being a girly bride for the next week and a half though - I am getting my hair professionally dyed tomorrow, a mani/pedi on Friday with my friend, tips added to my nails next Wednesday, ANOTHER pedicure the Friday before my wedding, and then pampering and hair/makeup the morning before my wedding.
I sort of like the soft romantic image of a traditional feminine bride ;) I've never been traditionally feminine or soft, always more of the tomboy. But I am going all out for this, and totally giving in to it, too!
But when it's over - back to the grind!! I want my tough hands back, got to get back to seriously weight training for that.
Eating has been going great: three meals and a snack every day of clean, whole, paleo food. And it's been 80% protein and vegetables (no more relying on fruit and chocolate for my calories haha). Lots of water.
Life goes on.
Namaste <3
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Cravings -> Needs -> What to eat instead
Weighed in at 120.8 this morning. Not quite at goal, but close enough for government work ;) - I can say that because I was a state worker for a while, hehehe.
Had a weird day yesterday. It was raining here, but Koda and I got out for our walk anyway. My knee feels a little twisted up, got to be careful about that. I spent hours on a weird art project I dreamed up for my wedding (it's a surprise, so I'll show you in two weeks!). And just a lot of weird was floating around.
I've been stressed, obviously, but Kelly remarked that she couldn't see the stress in all my pictures (we're facebook friends!) but saw a lot of joy. I think it's really important, even if I am stressed or sad or upset, to fully enjoy every moment I am alive - all the times with Chris, times with friends, times in beautiful places. I won't let the emotions I feel keep me from BEING in life.
I've been around too much death to take this life for granted. No way, no how!!!
I wanted to share with you this little chart one of my friends shared with me. Thought it was pretty cool:
Had a weird day yesterday. It was raining here, but Koda and I got out for our walk anyway. My knee feels a little twisted up, got to be careful about that. I spent hours on a weird art project I dreamed up for my wedding (it's a surprise, so I'll show you in two weeks!). And just a lot of weird was floating around.
I've been stressed, obviously, but Kelly remarked that she couldn't see the stress in all my pictures (we're facebook friends!) but saw a lot of joy. I think it's really important, even if I am stressed or sad or upset, to fully enjoy every moment I am alive - all the times with Chris, times with friends, times in beautiful places. I won't let the emotions I feel keep me from BEING in life.
I've been around too much death to take this life for granted. No way, no how!!!
I wanted to share with you this little chart one of my friends shared with me. Thought it was pretty cool:
Trust me, I know how INSANELY hard it would be, when you want chocolate, to go search out some seeds and veggies instead. It might be what we should do - but CHOCOLATE. (I'm a chocolate addict... it's amazing I can limit myself to the small nibbles of it that I do get, because my mouth waters just thinking about really good chocolate hahahaha).
But the chart is cool. Gives you something to think about. Your body sends you little cravings for a reason - it actually NEEDS something. In this modern world, all our sensors and receptors are screwed up by the Standard American Diet, so we no longer understand the cravings. We go for sugar instead of spinach or bread instead of proteins.
Food for thought! *pun intended*
I'm feeling sassy this morning. Off to babysit and then take care of some life stuff - going to put off the dog walk to see if my knee feels better later or not!
Peace and Light <3
I'm feeling sassy this morning. Off to babysit and then take care of some life stuff - going to put off the dog walk to see if my knee feels better later or not!
Peace and Light <3
Monday, August 26, 2013
Wedding Stuff - eating right to battle stress
All of you who have had to plan a large-ish wedding or are in the process of doing it kind of know what I'm feeling right now, right?? Less than two weeks to go, now.
Insanely excited, crazy confused, stressed, overwhelmed with weird details I never thought I'd have to think about, and just plain wanting the day to get here so that I can marry the love of my life!!!
The seating chart is giving me a bunch of headaches. I'm worried the music won't be fun. Or people will be bored. I'm worried I won't look my best, or people will think my dress is ugly. Or that Chris' mom is going to have a freak out. Etc, etc, etc, etc.
The wedding I went to this weekend was super lovely - great venue (outdoor wedding and it was gorgeous weather!), beautiful ceremony with a lot of great touches, and the bride had a KILLER dress - hoop skirt with tons of tulle made by her mother. The only thing that went wrong is that they ran out of food and had to order pizza (whoops!! the groom called the caterers SO MAD).
But our group of friends (the part that went to this wedding) aren't really the romantic sort and didn't really care about all the nice touches. And didn't like the music. And barely danced. It's just one faction of our friend group - others are very different, but seeing people NOT enjoying a wedding makes me so nervous that that is what is going to happen to me!
Bleh!!
I know I worry too much about what other people think or how other people feel. Which isn't always a bad trait, but sometimes it is, when it becomes the focus. Close friends keep telling me that I should just do what I want to on my wedding day and not worry about other people -- but my nice times really are affected if my friends aren't having a nice time!
Well, anyway, I just kind of wanted to spew that stress out onto virtual paper - to let you all know how things are going for me. I am, on the whole, just excited to marry Chris. But there is this mid-level constant stress present in my body that is affecting me physically and emotionally.
I went to the local co-op yesterday and filled the fridge with great organic vegetables and meat. Lots of awesome easy, healthy, paleo, CLEAN foods already prepped for my week, like roasted sweet potatoes and homemade guacamole. No excuses for not eating great this week.
I know the right fuel will keep the stress manageable. This article sums up what I want to do perfectly: Eat Right To Fight Stress - Psychology Today (I pulled out some important paragraphs if you don't want to bother with the article):
So, I'm here, living life, getting married, dealing with stress and determined to stay healthy through it all :D
It's tough, but I am not going to eat crap to soothe me, I will not even have one alcoholic drink between now and my wedding day, I will focus on strengthening my body and giving myself all the chance in the world to be healthy, fit and happy on my wedding day!!
Namaste, my friends <3
Insanely excited, crazy confused, stressed, overwhelmed with weird details I never thought I'd have to think about, and just plain wanting the day to get here so that I can marry the love of my life!!!
The seating chart is giving me a bunch of headaches. I'm worried the music won't be fun. Or people will be bored. I'm worried I won't look my best, or people will think my dress is ugly. Or that Chris' mom is going to have a freak out. Etc, etc, etc, etc.
The wedding I went to this weekend was super lovely - great venue (outdoor wedding and it was gorgeous weather!), beautiful ceremony with a lot of great touches, and the bride had a KILLER dress - hoop skirt with tons of tulle made by her mother. The only thing that went wrong is that they ran out of food and had to order pizza (whoops!! the groom called the caterers SO MAD).
But our group of friends (the part that went to this wedding) aren't really the romantic sort and didn't really care about all the nice touches. And didn't like the music. And barely danced. It's just one faction of our friend group - others are very different, but seeing people NOT enjoying a wedding makes me so nervous that that is what is going to happen to me!
Bleh!!
I know I worry too much about what other people think or how other people feel. Which isn't always a bad trait, but sometimes it is, when it becomes the focus. Close friends keep telling me that I should just do what I want to on my wedding day and not worry about other people -- but my nice times really are affected if my friends aren't having a nice time!
Well, anyway, I just kind of wanted to spew that stress out onto virtual paper - to let you all know how things are going for me. I am, on the whole, just excited to marry Chris. But there is this mid-level constant stress present in my body that is affecting me physically and emotionally.
I went to the local co-op yesterday and filled the fridge with great organic vegetables and meat. Lots of awesome easy, healthy, paleo, CLEAN foods already prepped for my week, like roasted sweet potatoes and homemade guacamole. No excuses for not eating great this week.
I know the right fuel will keep the stress manageable. This article sums up what I want to do perfectly: Eat Right To Fight Stress - Psychology Today (I pulled out some important paragraphs if you don't want to bother with the article):
"Most of us recognize that certain foods have brutal effects on the brain—for productivity, mood and mental energy. Too much chocolate can leave you dragging after the sugar and caffeine jolts fade away. An overdose of salty chips dehydrates the body and the brain, bringing on fatigue. High fat meals raise stress hormone levels and keep them high.
The problem is that these are precisely the foods we reach for at exactly the wrong times, as they exacerbate tension from work and daily life just when we seek relief."
"Participants reported that cutting down or avoiding "food stressors" like sugar (80%), caffeine (79%), alcohol (55%) and chocolate (53%) had the most impact on mental health. So did having more "food supporters" like water (80%), vegetables (78%), fruit (72%) and oil-rich fish (52%)."
"We already know that stress hormones like cortisol actually rob the body of vitamins, hijacking them to support such classic stress responses as the tensing of muscles and the rise of blood pressure, reactions fundamental to the fight-or-flight response.
Thus at times when we're experiencing the nervous-system workout of anxiety, we are in special need of B vitamins, which help maintain our nerves and brain cells. B vitamins also used up in converting food into energy for the body.
It's double whammy for the body if calories consumed during stressful times don't come from nutritious foods, as they'll then be depleted even more quickly. Even a slight vitamin B deficiency—say, from a few days of overloading on chips and soda—upsets the nervous system and compounds stress."
So, I'm here, living life, getting married, dealing with stress and determined to stay healthy through it all :D
It's tough, but I am not going to eat crap to soothe me, I will not even have one alcoholic drink between now and my wedding day, I will focus on strengthening my body and giving myself all the chance in the world to be healthy, fit and happy on my wedding day!!
Namaste, my friends <3
 |
| Me SUPER happy during the annual "parade" at Cabinfest a couple weeks ago!! |
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Outfit!
The close fit of the dress will remind me to not over eat at the wedding!! I'm at 119 today and want to stay that way!
I'm looking forward to the nice times tonight- there's going to be a zydeco band and a focus on dancing :) I wore flats so I could enjoy!
Namaste <3
Friday, August 23, 2013
Thanks, Weight, How JillIian Michaels Stays Fit
Three things on the agenda today:
1) Thanking Kelly for your concern, and it wasn't taken as criticism at all! I am fully honest here on my blog because I have to be or else it's not therapeutic for me. Your concern is warranted, too - as I've said, this is one of the most stressful times in my life, which means I am in the highest danger of falling back into disordered eating and body image behaviors. I talk about them here to try and get a grip on myself in real life, to make sure I am still making good and healthy choices!
2) I must have lost a bunch of weight this past weekend with all my running around (at least 7-10 miles a day), dancing and light eating. But I must have been bloated beyond belief because what I *did* eat was salty and I had drinks. My week of moderation and focus on activity/water drinking has caused me to lose 6 pounds (which obviously must have been water weight since I only had a calorie deficit of way LESS than 3500 calories). I weighed in at 118.6 this morning.
I am - stunned. And so excited to see, for the first time in my life, a number like that. I am at goal. I don't want to lose any more weight. That's a weird thought. That's a thought I've never had before. I just want to stay here! I am going to be careful with my food choices for a while to try and stay here, let my body settle here, because obviously this has been a very strange week for me weight-wise!
3) So, how Jillian Michaels stays fit? I listened to her podcast from this week and someone called in and asked how a mom of two with a super busy career life stays fit like Jillian does? Jillian said, very simply, that her diet is TIGHT. It's clean, it's moderate, it's healthy. She eats right. She says she gets in FOUR workouts a week, not usually more than 30-45 minutes at a time. Those workouts are intense, but we're talking around 2 hours a week.
SO MANAGEABLE. Get your diet in control and it's not a struggle to maintain. It's not necessary to kill yourself every day in workouts if you are not actively trying to lose weight.
(side note - Jillian weighs 117! I never thought I'd weigh about what my idol weighs!)
But my fiance, Chris, brought up the fact that he's been talking to a friend of ours who recently became an avid hiker. But she's struggling with her weight. But she's also going out to big burger and fries and beer type dinners after every hike. People seem to think that somehow exercise makes up for bad diet choices. If you hike ten miles (burning around 1000 calories) and eat a dinner that is well OVER 1000 calories? You won't lose weight.
Chris and I made that mistake for YEARS. We would hike and hike and hike, but somehow gain weight? We were eating a ton on the hike (lots of bars and nuts and sandwiches and chocolate) and then we would go out to dinner afterwards.
We realize now that we can eat very normally on a hike and feel great (feel better, actually, because we don't feel all heavy and weighed down from eating too much) and carry that strong, fit, light feeling into our life by going home and eating a normal dinner.
Chris also talked to this friend about running - someone suggested to her that she not focus on hiking but start running a lot (because then you can "eat whatever you want!!!!"). I almost choked at this terrible advice! I applaud people who run because they love it - but people who run so they can eat more? Insane. Running does a number on your joints and feet - it's a HIGH impact sport in that sense.
If you stop shoving your body full of more calories than it needs, you don't need to force yourself out for an hour long run to offset it.
My advice to her: run if you like it, but don't run so you can eat more. Do the exercise you love (in this case it is hiking) and stop thinking that a successful long hike is an excuse to go crazy with the eating!
As Jillian Michaels told her caller: if you get your diet tightened up (and you just want to maintain, not lose), you don't have to go crazy trying to fit in exercise. Get a few intense 30 minute workouts in per week - the kind where you are really sweating and tired afterwards - and use the rest of your time to LIVE LIFE!
I'm on board with her advice here, I like it.
So those are my thoughts for the day :D Thanks for sticking around and reading!
Namaste <3
1) Thanking Kelly for your concern, and it wasn't taken as criticism at all! I am fully honest here on my blog because I have to be or else it's not therapeutic for me. Your concern is warranted, too - as I've said, this is one of the most stressful times in my life, which means I am in the highest danger of falling back into disordered eating and body image behaviors. I talk about them here to try and get a grip on myself in real life, to make sure I am still making good and healthy choices!
2) I must have lost a bunch of weight this past weekend with all my running around (at least 7-10 miles a day), dancing and light eating. But I must have been bloated beyond belief because what I *did* eat was salty and I had drinks. My week of moderation and focus on activity/water drinking has caused me to lose 6 pounds (which obviously must have been water weight since I only had a calorie deficit of way LESS than 3500 calories). I weighed in at 118.6 this morning.
I am - stunned. And so excited to see, for the first time in my life, a number like that. I am at goal. I don't want to lose any more weight. That's a weird thought. That's a thought I've never had before. I just want to stay here! I am going to be careful with my food choices for a while to try and stay here, let my body settle here, because obviously this has been a very strange week for me weight-wise!
3) So, how Jillian Michaels stays fit? I listened to her podcast from this week and someone called in and asked how a mom of two with a super busy career life stays fit like Jillian does? Jillian said, very simply, that her diet is TIGHT. It's clean, it's moderate, it's healthy. She eats right. She says she gets in FOUR workouts a week, not usually more than 30-45 minutes at a time. Those workouts are intense, but we're talking around 2 hours a week.
SO MANAGEABLE. Get your diet in control and it's not a struggle to maintain. It's not necessary to kill yourself every day in workouts if you are not actively trying to lose weight.
(side note - Jillian weighs 117! I never thought I'd weigh about what my idol weighs!)
But my fiance, Chris, brought up the fact that he's been talking to a friend of ours who recently became an avid hiker. But she's struggling with her weight. But she's also going out to big burger and fries and beer type dinners after every hike. People seem to think that somehow exercise makes up for bad diet choices. If you hike ten miles (burning around 1000 calories) and eat a dinner that is well OVER 1000 calories? You won't lose weight.
Chris and I made that mistake for YEARS. We would hike and hike and hike, but somehow gain weight? We were eating a ton on the hike (lots of bars and nuts and sandwiches and chocolate) and then we would go out to dinner afterwards.
We realize now that we can eat very normally on a hike and feel great (feel better, actually, because we don't feel all heavy and weighed down from eating too much) and carry that strong, fit, light feeling into our life by going home and eating a normal dinner.
Chris also talked to this friend about running - someone suggested to her that she not focus on hiking but start running a lot (because then you can "eat whatever you want!!!!"). I almost choked at this terrible advice! I applaud people who run because they love it - but people who run so they can eat more? Insane. Running does a number on your joints and feet - it's a HIGH impact sport in that sense.
If you stop shoving your body full of more calories than it needs, you don't need to force yourself out for an hour long run to offset it.
My advice to her: run if you like it, but don't run so you can eat more. Do the exercise you love (in this case it is hiking) and stop thinking that a successful long hike is an excuse to go crazy with the eating!
As Jillian Michaels told her caller: if you get your diet tightened up (and you just want to maintain, not lose), you don't have to go crazy trying to fit in exercise. Get a few intense 30 minute workouts in per week - the kind where you are really sweating and tired afterwards - and use the rest of your time to LIVE LIFE!
I'm on board with her advice here, I like it.
So those are my thoughts for the day :D Thanks for sticking around and reading!
Namaste <3
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Well, that's weird!
This will be a quick one because I almost don't know what to say about it.
Got on the scale today (still indulging in that daily weighing!) and it said 120.2.
...
I was kind of shocked!
I went from 124ish to 123ish right to 120ish??
I was SUPER good the past three days. Really strict paleo, reduced my calories by about 2 - 300 less than usual, and drank a ton of water. Lots of walking and yoga.
Still kind of don't believe it and a little nervous to believe it! I've never seen 120.anything in my life. New lowest adult weight! I am right near my goal. I've been coming to terms the past couple days with believing I will be beautiful even if I don't hit my goal, in fact, I've been trying to let the goal go.
Weight just affects my self-image so much. I know it shouldn't, but I'm not there yet. I know that if I go into my wedding weighing 119/120, I will have a lot of confidence walking down that aisle and getting my picture taken. And I just want that so much! I don't want to look back at pictures or videos and see a self-conscious bride who wants to shrink away.
Back to the routine!
Today, I will add back in some of the calories I reduced by, but will stay strict paleo and continue to drink my water. I am about to leave the house for the dog walk.
I will leave you with what I got done last night: the table names I am making for the tables at my wedding - they are all named after mountains that Chris and I climbed to become Adirondack 46ers :) The will eventually have photos of Chris and I at the summits in the blank spaces:
Got on the scale today (still indulging in that daily weighing!) and it said 120.2.
...
I was kind of shocked!
I went from 124ish to 123ish right to 120ish??
I was SUPER good the past three days. Really strict paleo, reduced my calories by about 2 - 300 less than usual, and drank a ton of water. Lots of walking and yoga.
Still kind of don't believe it and a little nervous to believe it! I've never seen 120.anything in my life. New lowest adult weight! I am right near my goal. I've been coming to terms the past couple days with believing I will be beautiful even if I don't hit my goal, in fact, I've been trying to let the goal go.
Weight just affects my self-image so much. I know it shouldn't, but I'm not there yet. I know that if I go into my wedding weighing 119/120, I will have a lot of confidence walking down that aisle and getting my picture taken. And I just want that so much! I don't want to look back at pictures or videos and see a self-conscious bride who wants to shrink away.
Back to the routine!
Today, I will add back in some of the calories I reduced by, but will stay strict paleo and continue to drink my water. I am about to leave the house for the dog walk.
I will leave you with what I got done last night: the table names I am making for the tables at my wedding - they are all named after mountains that Chris and I climbed to become Adirondack 46ers :) The will eventually have photos of Chris and I at the summits in the blank spaces:
 |
| Super Proud of my Craft Skill! |
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Choices and Banned Foods
Hello, my fellow health and fitness minded friends!
I realize I've been all over the place with my blogs, moods, weight and everything in between. I apologize, but you are seeing someone struggling not to melt down AS IT HAPPENS. Exciting, isn't it??
For those of you just tuning in, I am getting married in less than three weeks, pretty close to the one year anniversary of when I found my dad dead in his house, leading to a pretty horrifyingly depressing and stressful time where I adopted his untrained (including NOT potty trained) 2 year old German Shepherd and moved into his house (having to become fully a grown up FAST and learn to take care of a house and finances - things I was blissfully ignorant of before). I also could no longer stay at my job as required travel (and my fiance already travels for work, and we couldn't leave the dog alone), so I've been unemployed. Add to that the fact my mom died when I was 10 and I really, really can't come to terms with the idea I have no parents anymore for help, advice or memories.
Haha, but I will be fine. I've made the choice to be fine. To do what needs to be done for my health and sanity first.
I'm sitting here at the oil change place, drinking coffee and ignoring the Boston creme donuts!
I am also down to 123.4- lost some of that water weight and feel less bloated.
I wanted to share this link:
American foods that are banned in other countries
America has a bad trend of choosing to make money first, ask why people are getting sick later. Compared to other Westernized countries, we will put any old crap into our food in order to make it cheaper. We've got to learn to value health FIRST, and then try to find a way to make it affordable. I wouldn't be raising such a stink, but other countries have figured it out, so why are we still routinely putting dangerous things into our mouths?
Be smart out there, folks, it's your life you are protecting.
Namaste.
I realize I've been all over the place with my blogs, moods, weight and everything in between. I apologize, but you are seeing someone struggling not to melt down AS IT HAPPENS. Exciting, isn't it??
For those of you just tuning in, I am getting married in less than three weeks, pretty close to the one year anniversary of when I found my dad dead in his house, leading to a pretty horrifyingly depressing and stressful time where I adopted his untrained (including NOT potty trained) 2 year old German Shepherd and moved into his house (having to become fully a grown up FAST and learn to take care of a house and finances - things I was blissfully ignorant of before). I also could no longer stay at my job as required travel (and my fiance already travels for work, and we couldn't leave the dog alone), so I've been unemployed. Add to that the fact my mom died when I was 10 and I really, really can't come to terms with the idea I have no parents anymore for help, advice or memories.
Haha, but I will be fine. I've made the choice to be fine. To do what needs to be done for my health and sanity first.
I'm sitting here at the oil change place, drinking coffee and ignoring the Boston creme donuts!
I am also down to 123.4- lost some of that water weight and feel less bloated.
I wanted to share this link:
American foods that are banned in other countries
America has a bad trend of choosing to make money first, ask why people are getting sick later. Compared to other Westernized countries, we will put any old crap into our food in order to make it cheaper. We've got to learn to value health FIRST, and then try to find a way to make it affordable. I wouldn't be raising such a stink, but other countries have figured it out, so why are we still routinely putting dangerous things into our mouths?
Be smart out there, folks, it's your life you are protecting.
Namaste.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Weight, recuperation, acceptance
Still trying to get in the swing of things after a crazy, mind-bending, roller coaster of an amazing weekend. Slipping back into normal life is hard. I did read all of your blogs, but could only comment on a few, as my mind is a little wonky-exhausted.
I got a lot done for my life, yesterday. Lots of errands, lots of wedding stuff.
However, I barely drank any water yesterday. Gah.
I also had a weird eating day - banana with sunflower butter when I woke up (at noon, good gracious), a lara bar for a snack, and a sushi roll for dinner. Coffee in there, too.
I weigh 124.4 today.
I am POSITIVE I am holding on to water weight since I didn't drink enough water yesterday (or all weekend). But the alcohol and veering off paleo I did on Saturday surely doesn't help. I'm also breaking out like crazy on my face because I ate/drank a bunch of wheat-based things. Not exactly the look I am going for.
My little calorie counter/fitness/etc app on my phone tells me I can only eat 1050 calories a day if I want to hit my goal at my wedding.
......
Bahahahahahhahaha.
Okay. That's obviously not going to happen.
The plan is to eat more like 1600 calories a day, drink tons of water, and do some serious cardio every day.
I'm still kind of fuzzy and confused, trying to catch up on sleep and whatnot. But I am going to attempt to be as healthy as possible and as accepting of my body as possible.
Bear with my, friends. I feel a little bonkers. Will be further back on track tomorrow :D
Namaste!
I got a lot done for my life, yesterday. Lots of errands, lots of wedding stuff.
However, I barely drank any water yesterday. Gah.
I also had a weird eating day - banana with sunflower butter when I woke up (at noon, good gracious), a lara bar for a snack, and a sushi roll for dinner. Coffee in there, too.
I weigh 124.4 today.
I am POSITIVE I am holding on to water weight since I didn't drink enough water yesterday (or all weekend). But the alcohol and veering off paleo I did on Saturday surely doesn't help. I'm also breaking out like crazy on my face because I ate/drank a bunch of wheat-based things. Not exactly the look I am going for.
My little calorie counter/fitness/etc app on my phone tells me I can only eat 1050 calories a day if I want to hit my goal at my wedding.
......
Bahahahahahhahaha.
Okay. That's obviously not going to happen.
The plan is to eat more like 1600 calories a day, drink tons of water, and do some serious cardio every day.
I'm still kind of fuzzy and confused, trying to catch up on sleep and whatnot. But I am going to attempt to be as healthy as possible and as accepting of my body as possible.
Bear with my, friends. I feel a little bonkers. Will be further back on track tomorrow :D
Namaste!
Monday, August 19, 2013
My weekend, helping friends
Hello to you all after a long silence since Thursday!
I had a very good reason for that silence: I was at a very lovely and rustic wilderness retreat in the Adirondacks and there is no cell phone reception or internet. I had a lot of perfectly gorgeous mornings in a small cabin with Chris and Koda, lots of hikes to a lake for Koda to go swimming, and am so at peace with the great time we had. On Friday, Cabinfest began, and 50+ people joined us (in OTHER cabins, hahaha, or camping) and we listened to great music and had lots and lots of silly times together.
I will post pictures and details later (I woke up at noon today because I got very little sleep on Friday and Saturday nights - we stayed up late and Koda wanted to get up early for hikes!!).
So while my spirit and body feel great right now, my heart hurts a little because while we were gone, our friends had a house fire. The upstairs is burned and the rest of the house is water/smoke damaged. Their cat passed away, as well :( These people were SO loving and helpful to me when my life got turned upside down by my dad's death last year, and I want to make sure they can get back on their feet. Us and other friends/family are giving them money/clothes/etc directly, but we've started a "kickstarter" of sorts to make sure that months from now, when everyone else is getting on with their lives, these people still have all the help they need.
Take a look, and help if you can: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lost-everything-in-a-house-fire
Thanks so much, I will catch up on your blogs when I can!!
<3 Namaste
I had a very good reason for that silence: I was at a very lovely and rustic wilderness retreat in the Adirondacks and there is no cell phone reception or internet. I had a lot of perfectly gorgeous mornings in a small cabin with Chris and Koda, lots of hikes to a lake for Koda to go swimming, and am so at peace with the great time we had. On Friday, Cabinfest began, and 50+ people joined us (in OTHER cabins, hahaha, or camping) and we listened to great music and had lots and lots of silly times together.
I will post pictures and details later (I woke up at noon today because I got very little sleep on Friday and Saturday nights - we stayed up late and Koda wanted to get up early for hikes!!).
So while my spirit and body feel great right now, my heart hurts a little because while we were gone, our friends had a house fire. The upstairs is burned and the rest of the house is water/smoke damaged. Their cat passed away, as well :( These people were SO loving and helpful to me when my life got turned upside down by my dad's death last year, and I want to make sure they can get back on their feet. Us and other friends/family are giving them money/clothes/etc directly, but we've started a "kickstarter" of sorts to make sure that months from now, when everyone else is getting on with their lives, these people still have all the help they need.
Take a look, and help if you can: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lost-everything-in-a-house-fire
Thanks so much, I will catch up on your blogs when I can!!
<3 Namaste
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Health and Love
Chris came home from traveling so we could have some special time together. We went out to a dinner with ten friends last night at a local place that only does dinner once a week to showcase local, organic farms and foods.
It was amazing!! It wasn't paleo (but not super far off- I only ate once piece of bread and the dessert was gluten free!). It was a predetermined menu and the portions were reasonable (even a little small). We left feeling nourished and NOT over-full.
Today we got our marriage license (it was super sweet and the clerk put on a little ceremony and made us recite promises to each other- we cried a bit!):
We then went and got Chris remeasured for his tux- he's back in the game with me this summer! He's down 2 inches in his waist, from a large to a medium vest, and three sizes in his jacket!!! We are on this train :)
And now we are packing and heading north to a cabin in the woods, where tomorrow about 40 of our friends will join us for Cabinfest, a weekend of music and dancing and laughing.
Here is the happiness I was looking for :) I weighed in today (122) for the sake of it- the dinner did no damage and I plan to come home the same from the weekend!
Health and love abounds right now- I plan to do all I can to keep it going!
<3
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Optimism, Disordered use of the scale
Asking for the universe to take some care with me right now! I am hopeful. A friend heard about a job with the city where she works that would be perfect for me, and sent along my information. She did this out of the blue and just because she knows I am in need right now. It makes me dangerously optimistic! But I keep getting optimistic and nothing comes of it (seriously - museums won't even respond to my desire to VOLUNTEER, much less to work there!).
My adviser did hook me up with a teaching job in the spring, and though it's just one class, it's great - as a resume builder AND to stop this cycle of unemployment.
Things just feel so overwhelming and impossible much of the time. I am putting my trust in karmic balance that at SOME point, good things will start to happen just like all the bad things.
I know that I have some leftover bad habits from when I was fully immersed in my disordered eating - I weigh myself every day (I used to weigh myself up to a dozen times a day!). I rarely use body measurements (which are a better indicator of success and fitness than the scale, which is so easily affected by menstrual cycles or if I didn't drink enough water or whatever.
I took my measurements today, standard bust-waist-hip at 33-26-35. I remember the last time I took my waist measurements were over a year ago, before I went paleo and I was hovering between 29 and 30 inches. That's a great 3 inches of fat off my abdomen since embarking on this journey of eating paleo, eating clean, and focusing on exercise (not just the weekend hikes I used to do, but purposeful exercise daily even if it is just yoga).
It would be better if I just used weekly measurements to make sure I was still where I wanted to be!
Gwen urged me to not weigh in every day, especially in these days leading up to my wedding. But, as I said, I feel as if I am striving and struggling here, and for some reason, I just can't give it up. I sometimes will skip a day. And sometimes (like this coming weekend) I will be camping and not near a scale for four days. I am not so addicted to the scale that this fact bothers me (it's actually kind of a relief!).
Like I said, the use of the scale is not as intense as when I was in the height of my disordered eating, but it's is a leftover symptom of a way to feel some control. This is not the month I am ready to deal with that problem, ha.
Here I am, unfailingly human, continuously learning, never perfect, trying.
Eat clean, treat your body well, move it around, and do something for your spirit today. Namaste <3
My adviser did hook me up with a teaching job in the spring, and though it's just one class, it's great - as a resume builder AND to stop this cycle of unemployment.
Things just feel so overwhelming and impossible much of the time. I am putting my trust in karmic balance that at SOME point, good things will start to happen just like all the bad things.
I want so much to just BE. But I do feel as if I am struggling (and flailing about wildly) lately.
Soooo, I was thinking today as I did my daily weigh in (121.8, which was great!)-
I know that I have some leftover bad habits from when I was fully immersed in my disordered eating - I weigh myself every day (I used to weigh myself up to a dozen times a day!). I rarely use body measurements (which are a better indicator of success and fitness than the scale, which is so easily affected by menstrual cycles or if I didn't drink enough water or whatever.
I took my measurements today, standard bust-waist-hip at 33-26-35. I remember the last time I took my waist measurements were over a year ago, before I went paleo and I was hovering between 29 and 30 inches. That's a great 3 inches of fat off my abdomen since embarking on this journey of eating paleo, eating clean, and focusing on exercise (not just the weekend hikes I used to do, but purposeful exercise daily even if it is just yoga).
It would be better if I just used weekly measurements to make sure I was still where I wanted to be!
Gwen urged me to not weigh in every day, especially in these days leading up to my wedding. But, as I said, I feel as if I am striving and struggling here, and for some reason, I just can't give it up. I sometimes will skip a day. And sometimes (like this coming weekend) I will be camping and not near a scale for four days. I am not so addicted to the scale that this fact bothers me (it's actually kind of a relief!).
Like I said, the use of the scale is not as intense as when I was in the height of my disordered eating, but it's is a leftover symptom of a way to feel some control. This is not the month I am ready to deal with that problem, ha.
Here I am, unfailingly human, continuously learning, never perfect, trying.
Eat clean, treat your body well, move it around, and do something for your spirit today. Namaste <3
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